Are there any happily married people here?

[aperson]

Hi There,

I have been reading through this forum and many others online and can find very little in the way of postings from happily married people. Everyone seems to have problems of one sort or another and anyone thinking about getting married would be severely put off by reading all this stuff - it's like the internet as a whole is an advert for not getting married!

I am married, have been for 5 years now and mostly very happy but also have our own set of problems - I was hoping to find loads of potings from happily married people, sharing their "secrets" and stories of how they manage to stay happy in long term marriages, but alas, it appears that either these people are so happy being maried that they dont post to forums or they simply dont exist.

Are there any happily married people out there?

Talk to us - tell us your stories.... please?

[Ginger God]

I have been single now for three years and loving every minute of it.
My kids stay with me half the week so Im a full time Dad for that period and time to myself the other half.
Before I go on I wouldnt wish marriage break up on any kids but my wife was cheating on me so she paid the price and my kids have come out of this pretty unscathed because both parents love them to bits.
The problem with relationships nowadays is that folk dont try hard enough and the chase of the skirt for men....and women..although they dont chase skirt!..is exciting and is an escape from the humdrum of marriage.
I know for a fact that within my office if I did a straw poll of who was happily married you would be lucky if 25% said they were.
But the grass isnt greener..its just a different type.
I think though this site is a place to share problems..folk who are happy within their relationship wont be found on here praising marriage..they have better things to do.

Graham

[aperson]

Thanks Graham, as I suspected - all the happy people have got better things to do with their time :rolleyes: I am thinking that it would be great for those of us with "issues" to be able to learn from them - it is said that if you rub shoulders with a certain type of person then you tend to become more like them - so I am wondering where the 25% hang out when they are not staring lovingly into each others eyes and having red hot sex :confused:

[clockwork orange]

Here's a happily married person! Don't be so sure about women not chasing skirt though - that was my downfall a few years ago.

Tips. Well, there are lots of those scattered throughout all the threads. One of the wonderful things about forums like this is that not only do we support those who are having difficulties (whatever they choose to do about it), but we can also learn from our own and each others mistakes.

I think one of the biggest issues in any marriage is communication in all its guises. Men and women simply do not communicate in the same way, so we have to learn how to do this in ways we both understand, and also in ways that don't threaten/denigrate the person and integrity of the other. This is where marriage courses/counselling come into their own I believe. The HTB Marriage Course is one I can highly recommend to any couple - happily married or not - it was certainly the turning point for us.

Hope that is upbeat enough for you??? Hee hee.

[aqua]

Hi clockwork

Good to hear you've a happy marriage.

You hit the nail on the head there with your post - communication, learning from mistakes and one of the most important factors of all...both partners wanting to repair the marriage and make it work.

I had none of the above and look where I am...almost divorced !

Funny thing is I am enjoying life as a singleton, never thought I would.

[Raymond]

I am very happily married aperson. You have to realise that people come on here because of a problem so this is not a normal reflection of society. I don't know of anyone who is not happily married in my church which goes into about five hundred couples counting the different gatherings.

Marriage is fantastic and Godmade and if it is your calling there is no other way to live. As it happens I have been in ecstasy last night which has overflowed into this morning but I will not go into the details. When people are faithful and try to love the rewards are amazing even if you do get problems. Working together everything can be overcome.

Raymond

[Ginger God]

Raymond..there is a fundamental difference between yourself who is a church goer and a believer..and other folk like myself who do not believe...I find it hard to believe that just because you have faith in God yoy have a fab marriage.

Graham

[Raymond]

Personally I have to put it down to that Ginger God. Not to say that an unbeliever cannot have a good marriage or that a believer necessarily has a good marriage. These things have to be worked out and for me it made all the difference. I didn't stand a chance with my background. No parents. Suffered abuse in orphanages. I was on the road to nowhere. I couldn't even relate properly being a loner and prone to fantasies. Becoming a christian put my feet on solid ground able to partake of God's strength. Nothing to do with church going. That is just the result of it. It's a relationship with a person when you get to the bottom of it. Someone who said I have come that you may have life and that more abundantly (overflowing).

Raymond

[Ginger God]

Raymond I was hoping you wouldnt take my comments the wrong way and you didnt.
Im chuffed for you mate well done.
I would add though that Im blissfully happy being single and my life with my two kids who are 14 and 12 couldnt be better.

Graham

[Ageing Grace]

As it happens I have been in ecstasy last night

Love this!! :)

Actually - great, loving sex is like a 'religious experience' isn't it?
We turn to forums when we have a problem to solve, not to ramble on about how blissfully content we are. We probably think we'd sound like we're bragging (or tempting fate)!

What I most like about this forum is the way insights shine through. Every member learns something - whether from others or their own journey - and shares something - that enhances our partnership skills & appreciation of true love.

[Raymond]

Good for you Gingergod.

Grace you do pick up on obscure things but I can't give you the details of course except to say that the earth was moved the other night.

Raymond

[dave123]

This turning into a right love in! Ray you're definitely bragging here by why not!!

Good on you. At least i know what to aim for in the future...

[Raymond]

I'm not bragging Dave. Aperson was wondering whether there were any happily married couples on here. The bedroom addition was just and extra confirmation as it was fresh in my mind and was too good not to mention. All part of married life.

Raymond

[dave123]

I know you're not bragging, i was just having a bit of fun! Good on you for being happy, it's an inspiration.

Dave

[MarkTwain]

I am happily married. I have to echo Raymond somewhat and say a lot of it is because the sex is good. Sex is huge for me. It was my birthday the other day, and my wife made areal effort to give me a good time. We had sex in the afternoon and later in the evening. Both times were a mind blower.

I notice a lot of people on here complain about sex, but don't do anything about it. I would be hopping up and down if I were in that position.

I go out of my way to make my wife happy. I try to make her feel cherished by doing little things for her. Another thing I force myself to do is give her space even when I would rather be cuddling her or at least be in the same room. She is the type that needs space. Not every woman does.

[Raymond]

You do well giving her the understanding she needs Mark. This actually does affect the bedroom, does it not, namely the love and understanding we give to our wives.

Raymond

[MarkTwain]

According to my research, the #1 reason women go off sex is resentment. So a man has to do everything in his power to stop that happening.

[Hilary]

Hi all

I've been married now 40 years, much of it very happily, and getting even better as the years go on.

I think the reason that you see the unhappiness in relationships on the forums as this is the place to come if all is not going well.

So what makes marriage work from my point of view?

I think it is realizing that we both have to do our bit to make the marriage work and that all marriages have their ups and downs but that doesn't mean that one of you has to walk out.

Also from time to time one or both of you probably has to sacrifice some things that are really important to you. Over time you should both work to see that it is fair so one person isn't having to do all the giving.

Re the sex - emotions are really, really important but there can be other things that get in the way of good sex.

It can be just a difference of how much is "normal". My husband wanted it twice a day and three times on Sunday. I was much more interested in once or twice a week.

Other things can also impact - like physical conditions. Hypothyroidism can make you totally disinterested in sex, as can such things as minor deficiency in selenium (eat a variety of nuts, especially Brazil nuts).

Happy to answer questions.

[Raymond]

What's Hypothyroidism and selenium Hilary?

Raymond

[MarkTwain]

Hi Hilary,

Did you manage to meet in the middle re sex?

[Hilary]

Hypothyroidism is a lack of useful thyroid hormone getting to the cells. Mostly these days thyroid levels are measured in the blood - but that doesn't seem to pick up all of the cases. In the old days before fancy blood tests it was tested using a thermometer in the mornings and if the temperature in the warmest part of your arm pit is under 36.6 C then they used to treat you as lacking in thyroid. Lack of thyroid causes all sorts of problems I won't go into here, but lack of sex drive is sometimes one of the symptoms.

Selenium is a trace element - important for all sorts of things, especially sex drive in men. The easiest natural supplement is Brazil nuts - only need 2 per day.

Re did we meet in the middle re the sex? Largely. It meant I had it far more often than I wanted and he had it far less than he wanted - and it varied according to how dominant each one of us was in the marriage at the time. Sometimes he got it his way, sometimes I got it my way. But when you love each other the focus is on both of you, not just on yourself, and not just on the other

[MarkTwain]

Hilary-

My real quest was asking, how is it now? What arrangement have you arrived at?

[Hilary]

We have just been through a slightly different stage of our lives. My husband after 37 years of being very interested in sex had to move East for 3 months and when he came back he had lost interest in sex. For three years we had it even less than I was interested in.
But we discovered there was a possiblity of a lack of some essential nutrients available in nuts, so we added them to our diet. Then after a month or so the interest rekindled itself. this happened only a month ago and we are reorganising our lives. The first thing once the nuts kicked in was that he got very aggressive both at work and at home. I didn't work out why he was so aggressive until the second day of interest in sex - he had a resurgence of testosterone.
So now, we take it on a day by day basis. But it doesn't cause problems. He is used to me saying no, I am used to saying yes

[Raymond]

Amazing things these Brazil nuts. Thanks for answering my questions.

Raymond