What do I do?

[trixy]

I am 9 months pregnant and my husband and I seem to argue more than ever. Before I was pregnant, we never argued, now it seems as if that's all we do. It has gotten to the point that he will do little things to test me to see if I get upset, and as usual, I will, so he blames me and makes me feel as if the marriage is over. He doesn't hold me or spend any real quality time with me, so when I bring it to his attention, he gets upset and talks about how he should have made me wait before we got married or how he should have never told me about his past.

This is both of our second marriage, and in his first marriage, he cheated on his wife because of the way she treated him. He thinks I relate everything to his past, when I don't. He makes me feel like he is cheating because of how angry he gets. If I ask him to accompany me to my doctor's appointments, he gets mad and say there is no reason for him to be there.

I really don't know what to do. He makes me feel as if I am being selfish. I try to talk about our problems, and he just always say how it isn't going to work and he will just tell his mom how we tried. Please give me some advice because I don't know what else to do.

[Liz]

You must be feeling dreadfully upset as you wait to have your baby without the full support of your husband. Did all this start before you became pregnant? Or is it just the arguing that did? It sounds as if there were a few issues that needed sorting out before that from the past. It sounds as if that's now developed into you both having very polarised positions. You expect him to wind you up and he expects you to react when he does. How about acting a bit "out of character" and not letting things he says or does upset you. Try cooling the situation down.

Have you had the chance to ask him, how he feels about the baby? I wonder if he's afraid of the responsibility when things aren't going well in your relationship.

Right now, the main thing to concentrate on is taking care of yourself and the baby and if possible trying to help him to get excited about the baby too. When you've got through the next few weeks you might consider asking him to go and get some counselling with you to give your baby the best start in life.