moomin
16th December 2008, 03:55 PM
Was on here back at the start of the year when i marriage started taking a real turn for the worse. Had feelings at the time that my husband was showing all the cliche signs of an affair but had no proof and accepted him swearing nothing was going on and that i was simply insecure and paranoid.
After many upsetting months where his behaviour got increasingly horrible and disrespectful towards me (what a counsellor has subsequently has said is a way people can shift the blame in their heads from them onto you - 'youve let yourself go, youre boring etc, rather than the fact they are being lying, scheming and deceitful) we decided to have a break - the first time in the 91/2 years we'd been together. I stupidly expected him to realise how much me missed me and come back saying how hed seen the light in a couple of weeks. when a month passed and i couldnt take anymore not knowing he told me he wasnt sure if he wanted to be married anymore (weve spent our entire adult lives together after dating since school) and he wanted a separation. I couldnt hack this so told him it was over. Then my world fell apart.
Then 4 days later he came back out the blue to tell me he had had an affair but it was only a couple of times months ago and meant nothing. I went mental and chucked him out. Over the next week i realised i could forgive him now it was out in the open and decided to try and give our marriage another go. Then he told me how much it had really been going on (about 6 month) and that he 'cared for her' as wasnt sure if he actually did want to try again. Then my world really did fall apart.
Ive gone through the hard times that most of you will identify with. Ive hit rock bottom and needed to go on medication to start to try and get a grip.
Im generally feeling ok now. But i cant work out if im still numb or if im over it. I use to be such a loving caring person. I can feel happiness again now but nothing deep. Im with a new man ive been seeing a couple of months and i like being with him but i cant work out if i care?????? care about anything really. Not in a 'iwant to kill myself kind of way' (anymore)
Maybe its the tablets im on (which im just starting to try and come off) or maybe im in denial, or maybe i just cant care anymore????????
I havent been able to get that angry at my husband (who im now in the process of divorcing) and i havent even really thought much about what him and that whore of his got up to - i know this is classic denial but maybe thats the best things i can do???
After many upsetting months where his behaviour got increasingly horrible and disrespectful towards me (what a counsellor has subsequently has said is a way people can shift the blame in their heads from them onto you - 'youve let yourself go, youre boring etc, rather than the fact they are being lying, scheming and deceitful) we decided to have a break - the first time in the 91/2 years we'd been together. I stupidly expected him to realise how much me missed me and come back saying how hed seen the light in a couple of weeks. when a month passed and i couldnt take anymore not knowing he told me he wasnt sure if he wanted to be married anymore (weve spent our entire adult lives together after dating since school) and he wanted a separation. I couldnt hack this so told him it was over. Then my world fell apart.
Then 4 days later he came back out the blue to tell me he had had an affair but it was only a couple of times months ago and meant nothing. I went mental and chucked him out. Over the next week i realised i could forgive him now it was out in the open and decided to try and give our marriage another go. Then he told me how much it had really been going on (about 6 month) and that he 'cared for her' as wasnt sure if he actually did want to try again. Then my world really did fall apart.
Ive gone through the hard times that most of you will identify with. Ive hit rock bottom and needed to go on medication to start to try and get a grip.
Im generally feeling ok now. But i cant work out if im still numb or if im over it. I use to be such a loving caring person. I can feel happiness again now but nothing deep. Im with a new man ive been seeing a couple of months and i like being with him but i cant work out if i care?????? care about anything really. Not in a 'iwant to kill myself kind of way' (anymore)
Maybe its the tablets im on (which im just starting to try and come off) or maybe im in denial, or maybe i just cant care anymore????????
I havent been able to get that angry at my husband (who im now in the process of divorcing) and i havent even really thought much about what him and that whore of his got up to - i know this is classic denial but maybe thats the best things i can do???