Ageing Grace
29th November 2008, 06:28 AM
There's so much distress in this forum, yet so much love at the same time. It seemed a pity there were few 'tips', so I'm offering some of mine in the hope we'll see some more positivity :)
Pardon the cliches; they're often-repeated because they're true!
Hope some of you will add to them ...
1. Respect and like each other for the people you are.
2. You can't change anybody. If you married them for what you believe they "could be", you're insulting them and you should have held out for someone who is already what you wanted.
3. Compassion. It's an old-fashioned word, and it means understanding that sometimes your partner will have to go through **** you can't fix. Compassion means being there for them, even though you can't "fix" them.
4. Tolerance. People have annoying habits - don't you?
5. Everybody has an ego. Stroke each other's egos on a regular basis!
6. Flirt. See above :)
7. Sex: Generally speaking, women need emotional input before they feel sexy - and men need sex before they feel emotional. You can see how this sets up a vicious circle. One of you has to break out of it! Don't rationalise, just make a leap of faith and provide the required input. Think about it after a couple of months' consistent input ... if you still need to ;)
8. Honesty: Too much detail = dumping yourself on your partner (unhelpful). Too much privacy = living separate lives (horrid). Find a middle way; it goes back to respect and tolerance.
9. You are responsible for your own feelings, and your partner is responsible for theirs. Yes, you care about each other's emotional state, but even grown-ups have tantrums sometimes. Adults that you are, ignore all tantrums and address any issues after you've calmed down.
10. Communicate. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth; use them in that proportion - and use them often!
11. ???
Pardon the cliches; they're often-repeated because they're true!
Hope some of you will add to them ...
1. Respect and like each other for the people you are.
2. You can't change anybody. If you married them for what you believe they "could be", you're insulting them and you should have held out for someone who is already what you wanted.
3. Compassion. It's an old-fashioned word, and it means understanding that sometimes your partner will have to go through **** you can't fix. Compassion means being there for them, even though you can't "fix" them.
4. Tolerance. People have annoying habits - don't you?
5. Everybody has an ego. Stroke each other's egos on a regular basis!
6. Flirt. See above :)
7. Sex: Generally speaking, women need emotional input before they feel sexy - and men need sex before they feel emotional. You can see how this sets up a vicious circle. One of you has to break out of it! Don't rationalise, just make a leap of faith and provide the required input. Think about it after a couple of months' consistent input ... if you still need to ;)
8. Honesty: Too much detail = dumping yourself on your partner (unhelpful). Too much privacy = living separate lives (horrid). Find a middle way; it goes back to respect and tolerance.
9. You are responsible for your own feelings, and your partner is responsible for theirs. Yes, you care about each other's emotional state, but even grown-ups have tantrums sometimes. Adults that you are, ignore all tantrums and address any issues after you've calmed down.
10. Communicate. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth; use them in that proportion - and use them often!
11. ???