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Ageing Grace
29th November 2008, 06:28 AM
There's so much distress in this forum, yet so much love at the same time. It seemed a pity there were few 'tips', so I'm offering some of mine in the hope we'll see some more positivity :)

Pardon the cliches; they're often-repeated because they're true!
Hope some of you will add to them ...

1. Respect and like each other for the people you are.

2. You can't change anybody. If you married them for what you believe they "could be", you're insulting them and you should have held out for someone who is already what you wanted.

3. Compassion. It's an old-fashioned word, and it means understanding that sometimes your partner will have to go through **** you can't fix. Compassion means being there for them, even though you can't "fix" them.

4. Tolerance. People have annoying habits - don't you?

5. Everybody has an ego. Stroke each other's egos on a regular basis!

6. Flirt. See above :)

7. Sex: Generally speaking, women need emotional input before they feel sexy - and men need sex before they feel emotional. You can see how this sets up a vicious circle. One of you has to break out of it! Don't rationalise, just make a leap of faith and provide the required input. Think about it after a couple of months' consistent input ... if you still need to ;)

8. Honesty: Too much detail = dumping yourself on your partner (unhelpful). Too much privacy = living separate lives (horrid). Find a middle way; it goes back to respect and tolerance.

9. You are responsible for your own feelings, and your partner is responsible for theirs. Yes, you care about each other's emotional state, but even grown-ups have tantrums sometimes. Adults that you are, ignore all tantrums and address any issues after you've calmed down.

10. Communicate. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth; use them in that proportion - and use them often!

11. ???

clockwork orange
29th November 2008, 06:54 PM
11. Love means ALWAYS saying you're sorry. Keep short accounts with each other.

JWD
1st March 2009, 01:05 AM
12 Respect your partners privacy - you don't need to know every detail

JWD
2nd March 2009, 04:56 PM
Affirmations & Positive thinking


http://www.aplacefortheheart.co.uk/affirmations/hayaffirmations.htm

http://www.aplacefortheheart.co.uk/


Hope I'm allowed to post this

clockwork orange
2nd March 2009, 10:03 PM
12 Respect your partners privacy - you don't need to know every detail
But if your partner can't or won't give a valid reason for keeping a secret........

JWD
2nd March 2009, 10:27 PM
yes, unfortunately, I got it the wrong way round. :-(

Ageing Grace
4th March 2009, 01:44 AM
12/13. Be yourself. Let your partner do the same.

clockwork orange
4th March 2009, 11:54 PM
12/13. Be yourself. Let your partner do the same.
I like this one. Something I heard at the weekend, about being real or you can't be loved ie if you project a facade then the facade is loved, not you...

Raymond
5th March 2009, 01:56 PM
One always has to be themselves. This is helped by being loved for yourself when you are growing up. This is one reason why marriage is so important. The other person knows you better than anyone so theres no need to use a fascade, just to accept and encourage each other as they are.

Raymond

JWD
5th March 2009, 10:13 PM
Swallow your pride and let friends help you. Call up friends you haven't seen in a while.

Ageing Grace
17th March 2009, 06:12 PM
15. To love is a verb - a 'doing' word. It's also a noun, for the emotion.
When you say "I love you", you're using the verb, meaning "I act lovingly towards you". If you mean only that you feel love - without loving actions - that's just sentimentality. It is a lie.

Love with your actions as well as your heart.

Raymond
17th March 2009, 07:06 PM
I think with men and women it is okay if it's starts in the heart (feelings) but it is pretty weak if it not converted to actions as well. I think it is the missing link in a lot of the cases we see on here particularly when someone says I don't feel I love you anymore. Where have the actions gone there? If we want to fully express our heart to someone it will always mean actions. Not having the actions is probably what killed the feelings in the first place. I think the actions are more important in the end. If they are there the feelings will follow.

With romance the feelings come first followed by the actions. The commitment to love regardless (actions) will allow the feelings a safe place to be expressed.

Raymond

Ageing Grace
18th March 2009, 01:17 AM
The commitment to love regardless (actions) will allow the feelings a safe place to be expressed.

Raymond

Beautiful!
:)