severely depressed

[Unregistered]

I have been married for almost 11 months now and things are already starting to unravel. I am severely depressed and seem to want to sleep all the time. Me and my wife have really nothing in common and don't share any activities or interests. I knew this before we were married but thought that it might change if she spent enough time around me, I use to be exremely active but my wife is very anti-social and likes to stay home, I think that I would be much happier out of this relationship, as would she. I was pressured heavily by family and friends to get married but never really wanted it myself, what should I do? Do I stick it out in hopes it gets better, or call it quits to give us both a second chance?
help me,
sincerely lost and depressed

[Dave]

Dear Friend,

I would like to gently suggest that just maybe you are looking in the wrong places for the answers. In the space of six lines you manage to blame your wife for being"anti-social"
blame family and friends for the decision to get married
think it will all be OK if she changes!!
On the day you got married you made a set of promises to each other - how about starting by taking the decision to stand by your word and deliver on them???

You are both clearly two very different personalities - by the sound of it you are Extrovert and she is Introvert. Neither is right or wrong (or anti-social), they are just different!! Why not start by understanding your two personalities (try our Personality Profiler (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/pp/personprofile1.html)), and then looking at the ways you differ and how you as a couple can draw strength from these differences.

The second thing to realise is that you have no right to expect your wife to change - what you have is a responsibility to be the best possible husband for her!! What are her needs and priorities??

Your options are not simply "hoping it gets better" or quitting - both these are the options of the "victim". Within you also lies the "dreamer" and the "realist" - why not let your dreamer show you how precious, beautiful, warm and loving your wife and marriage can be, and let the "Realist" come up with practical steps that you can take to start to responsibly become the very best possible husband your wife could ever dream of??

That is the option to choose!

Dave