What do I do ? I love him so much

[Unregistered]

I need advice. I am desparatley still in love with my husband. We split up 2.5 years ago, just before Xmas he asked if we could start seeing each other again, I agreed. We had a good Xmas and speny New Year together. 3 weeks ago he took me to our favourite hotel, everything seemed OK, we had a great time. Then 2 weeks ago he finished it again with a text message !
I am devastated, now he is pushing through the divorce, wants to see our daughter every 2 weeks.

My trouble is I fell in love with him again when we got back together again, I can't stand the thought of not being with him anymore. It's my birthday today, he came over. It ended up with me crying, our daughter asking him why he didn't love Mummt anymore. It's tearing me apart, I have never felt so lonely in my entire life.

I was married when I met him, I left my first husband for him. We had a daughter, then married. I am scared of being a single aprent, scared of being without him. I still love him so much and fancy him like crazy. Is there any end to this ?

At Xmas, he said he wanted to make things work, that we had the rest of our lives together, we were planning to move in with each other again and then, by text message it's all over again.
What do I do now ?

[Liz]

I wonder why your husband reappeared in your life like that. Was he looking to move on and wanting to check out whether there was any chance of sorting things out between you or do you think he genuinely hoped you could work things out?

It must have been hard that he got your hopes up again and didn't have the courage to come and face you with his final decision. Have you had a chance to have a serious talk about what happened and how you feel. It's a big decision you're making, so it might be worth asking him to meet you without your daughter being present, or even to seek some counselling to help you both understand what is going on.

In the end sadly we can't make people love us or commit to us. You say you're afraid of being a single parent, but you have already shown that you can do it. I always hesitate to say this, but if he is so unreliable you may be better off without him, breaking your heart.

[Unregistered]

Thank you for your reply. i haven't seen or heard from him since last Monday. This is tearing me apart. 3 weeks ago, as far as i was concerned everything was OK with us again, we were planning to move in together again, he said he wanted to make it work etc etc.

Our daughter is devastated, she is trying to skip school bt franing illness, doesn't want me to go to work. What is wrong with the world these days ? Marriage used to mean till death us do part, now it's it's until a problem comes along and to hell with the consequences !

[Liz]

Your daughter is bound to be unsettled by all that's happening. I'm sure she wants her Mum and Dad back together. She must be feeling very insecure and will need lots of loving affirmation from you. I'm sure that won't be easy with the strong feelings you have about what has happened. Perhaps it will help if you can focus your energy on reassuring her.

You talk of what is happening that people abandon marriage so easily these days. I don't know the history of your previous marriage, but you have obviously been caught up in this trend yourself. There's no doubt building a strong long-lasting marriage is not easy, but one things for sure it needs two people committed to make it work.

I do hope your husband gets in touch soon and you have the chance to at least talk and begin to understand what is happening.

Best wishes

Liz

[Carly]

Liz,

I married my first husband on the rebound. I had been in a long relationship which had ended badly. My first husband was the first person who I went out with afterwards, he asked me to marry him. At the time I felt that no one would ever love me again, when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I knew from the start it was a mistake, I vried on my wedding night. But I stuck it out and tried to make it work for 7 years. I started a new job and met the man who was to become my 2nd husband. Ii knew as soon as I met him that this was 'it'

As far as I was concerned we had a very happy marriage, we never argued and he seemed very happy. But that all changed overnight.

I miss him so much. He still hasn't been in contact, not even to see his daughter. I feel so let down and such a failure that this marriage is ending. To be honest, I feel that if this marriage couldn't work then I can't see mcuh hope in any future one working either.