Homesick

[Unregistered]

When I came to London on a working visa, I met a wonderful English man who romanced me and stole my heart. One year later we were married, more out of necessity because I ran out of my visa, but it was based on love. Three months ago, my father, who I was very close to died and I went home for two months after not seeing him for two years. To say this was traumatic was an understatement. I was due to see him in three weeks time. Before I left, my husband and I were on cloud 9 - having suffered from depression and homesickness before, I felt that I had left that behind, we were talking about children and a new home.

Since being back however, everything seems to have changed. I am trying to cope with the grief of losing my very special father and my marriage is falling apart. Somehow my husband just can't cope with my grief. He has always been there for me before, but now he is depressed also. I'm finding it difficult to cope with his depression and I can't help thinking that it is my fault. Though I do know he has some issues at work also. Now I just want to go home or travel again. I can't see a future for us like this - I know people say its just time, but I can't help thinking that this issue of home just won't go away.

Of course its more complicated than just this, but I know we love each other, I just can't help thinking we are not right for each other - and he is thinking the same thing.

[Kate]

If you were right for each other when you met and married why shouldn't you be right for each other now. There is no magic compatability combination for marriage. Marriages are made up of individuals with strengths and weaknesses who learn to accept and love each other through good times and bad times. Sometimes they are happy and at other times they wonder how they can keep going.

Right now it sounds as if you are both going through a bad time, which means it may be a good time to seek some help. Have you been to see your doctor to ask for a check up and some help? Grief can devastate us emotionally and physically sometimes. Your grief won't go away over night.

Counselling may help you to work your way through it and give another outlet for your pain without it becoming too great a pressure on your husband. I'm sure he doesn't blame you for his depression, but you both need to be realistic and seek some help. running away won't solve the problem or ease the pain in the long run.

It's hard to see it when you're depressed but wiht some help, you will come through this together.