Advice on partner working....

[silas]

Hi there, I'm new to this forum. I've been looking around for somewhere to get a little impartial advice. My question is just about work within a relationship.

I am engaged to be married. I am in full time work, and my fiance hasn't worked for many many years, mainly because she was bringing up her husbands (now deceased) children. Her children have just moved out and have just turned into adults.

Basically I get the impression my fiance is not keen on working. I can understand some nerves after being out of work for so long, and she can bring in some money from inheritance anyway. But I'm not sure how I feel about this. We could actually get by on my wages alone, and her small income from inheritance. But obviously we could be more secure with more coming in.

I wonder what other people think about this? Is the age of women staying at home to cook meals still ok? Or in a marriage with no children, should they pull their weight and work same as their husband?

I'm not sure how I feel about it, or even if it is only about the money. Maybe I fear there would be some imbalance in the relationship if I worked my long hours every day as usual, and she got to just stay home and put her feet up. But am I totally wrong on this??

I do understand her reluctance to work to some extent. She has no experience or skills. But on the other hand I'd stay home too if I had the choice.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate some views on this.

Thanks

[Raymond]

My wife never worked after we had children as obviously she gave her all to being a mother and the children are those one could be proud of. Our eldest 22 married a few months ago and youngest 19 just started Uni. My wife works about an hour or so a day at the school which she gets paid for. She does a bit of voluntary work as well and tends to keep busy in the community. This suits her and she is a great help to others. To pressurise her to work for money would be wrong. She is not lazy and things are happy.

If your fiancee is not ready to work don't worry about it. She has probably been a good mother and needs to now find her way so I don't recommend pressurising her to work. She may eventually find some kind of work out of interest but please don't assume women just put their feet up. These kind of women are a blessing to lots and lots of people including yourself. The last thing she needs now is pressurisation to work. You'd be surprised how much a good wife can save financially and how brilliant a home they can run. So go easy and let her find her own calling. Women working is not everything. If you are really struggling she will probably volunteer to find a job anyway, but if you are reasonably okay let her be.

Raymond