perhaps I should suggest an open marriage!

[lexp48]

I'm sure i'm not the only middle aged married man in the uk who feels the need to inject some spice into his life after 20yrs of a trying to understand his wifes lack of interest in sex. Sure i'm just an average guy who has enjoyed helping to run a home and raise 4 great kids to become responsible adults, and as parents and companions my wife and I get along great, but I can't help thinking that she unknowingly shares the blame with me for my straying once or twice over recent years to find physical affection. Maybe an open marriage could work!

[Bob Pure]

it could certainly introduce some "spice" into your marriage: such as jealousy, resentment, anger, STDs.....thats the kind of spice *I* don't want for my marriage, I admit.

Passionate marriage comes from great intimacy between spouses.

Consider reading " passionate marriage" by David Schnarch before you place a magazine ad for swinging.

all blessings.

[Raymond]

It can't be unknowing Lex. Surely she realises that her husband needs sex.

Raymond

[lexp48]

It must be nice to have a spouse like yours bob, one who enjoys intimacy, but alas mine does not, its that simple! An open marriage as I understand is an arrangment that both agree to so there would not be jealousy or resentment, but I i'm with you on the std thing!

[lexp48]

Raymond, she knows i'm a man therefore she knows I have needs and if I pressed the issue she would go along with it, but what is kind of sex is that!! Not for me.

[Raymond]

If she is willing it can be nurtured Lex although it will take time.

Raymond

[Raymond]

Heres the start of an article on a website. Do you want to go further?

The first thing to do is to try and determine the reason your spouse is refusing sex. This is difficult as there are a variety of sexual and non-sexual issues that can cause sexual refusal. It's also possible that previous sexual behavior was mostly or completely an act, meaning what appears to be a sudden problem may have alway existed, and was only hidden before. The problem can be a combination of things, and a person who tends towards negative feelings about sex may only need a very small "push" to stop wanting to have sex. It is also possible that the original trigger issue has ended, and the non-sexual behavior remains.

This is too long to copy here but I can direct you further if needed.

Raymond

[Bob Pure]

It must be nice to have a spouse like yours bob, one who enjoys intimacy, but alas mine does not, its that simple! An open marriage as I understand is an arrangment that both agree to so there would not be jealousy or resentment, but I i'm with you on the std thing!

Don't make assumptions Lex ;) We have had some very deep lows in our marriage.

But my experience "swinging" offers increased mechanical sexual encounters but damages a broken marriage yet further.

Agreeing to an open marriage in advance while desperate for sexual excitement is one thing, watching another man unload inside your wife across the room is another thing altogether, Lex. And that can't be taken back if you find your ARE jealous ( and vice versa).
Many people do.

Do you want sex from any source or to fix your marriage so that making love with your wife is a frequent and enjoyable thing ?

[lexp48]

Bob, I think i've given you the wrong impession, i'm not into 'swinging' or any other form of group sexual activity, i'm strictly one on one, I only wish it could have been within an otherwise happy marriage! What I was suggesting is that if I met a person who was either single and in need of sex or in a similar situation as mine where the spouse wasn't intersted but would understand and give consent, could we not both benifit from such a liaison.

[lexp48]

Heres the start of an article on a website. Do you want to go further?

The first thing to do is to try and determine the reason your spouse is refusing sex. This is difficult as there are a variety of sexual and non-sexual issues that can cause sexual refusal. It's also possible that previous sexual behavior was mostly or completely an act, meaning what appears to be a sudden problem may have alway existed, and was only hidden before. The problem can be a combination of things, and a person who tends towards negative feelings about sex may only need a very small "push" to stop wanting to have sex. It is also possible that the original trigger issue has ended, and the non-sexual behavior remains.

This is too long to copy here but I can direct you further if needed.

Raymond

Well Raymond, I do think my wife had an early shock in her life, around 8yrs old, when a boy she was playing with exposed himself to her, and that coupled with her strict religious up bringing I believe has shaped her view on sex and the male form in a negative way.

[Raymond]

Sounds very probable to me Lex. Sex is a wonderful thing but an abuse of it is ugly and out of place and can and often does damage children. Women who are raped often cannot function sexually and there may be a touch of that there.

If she can see what happened that it was negative and cultivate the good there may be hope. Do you want to know where the artice is. It might help her as well?

Raymond

[lexp48]

yes it sounds interesting, thanks Raymond.

[Raymond]

Lex the link is www.themarriagebed.com (http://www.themarriagebed.com) Then follow links thus: Problems - Desire Problems - Spouse Won't Have Sex.

Raymond

[astarisborntoday]

Have you both considered sex therapy? Not talking about technique here, but help to overcome her sexual apathy through counselling and specific therapeutic exercises.