how can i have a future with my husband?

[Pippa]

just befor xmas my husband came to me and wanted to separate after 11 years of marriage. i was shocked and hurt. we were moving to a lovely house to start a new life. because he is in the forces and is away for long times he told me he is very happy on his own. he wanted to be in, but out aswell. then he told me that he met this girl and that they've kissed and he was confused. after both of us breaking down with hurt we then decided to move to our new house. he just wanted to be friends and i could'nt understand it. i saw that there was still something unsayed. so one day he broke down and told me that he was intimed with this girl and they fell in love with each other. i've never been so badly hurt in my life. so then i decided to forgive him and try to make it work, because he told me he never stopped loving me and that he want's to be with me and the kids.the hurtfull thing is that i've met this girl,who is in the forces aswell,but when i met her my husband looked at her in the same way as he looked at me, which i was puzzled about.
now we are trying to work things out, but my husband still feels that he want's to be free and a loss from this girl. he was never a romantic husband and he could never get exited over the kids, who are now 11 and 7 years old. he say's he want's to try so hard, but he doesn't know how to. i just don't know how to deal with this and i can't get out of my head that he's been unfaithfull to me and fallen in love with someone else.
can anybody give me advice?

[Liz]

Dear Pippa,

It sounds as if you could both do with some outside help, to help you clear your heads and understand what you are going through. You both seem to be confused by it all.

If you are with UK forces, there is an organisaion called SSAFA which offers a confidential helpline (http://www.ssafa.org.uk/cSupportLine.html) covering all sorts of issues including marriage problems. We would suggest that you contact them if you are stationed abroad, as they will have specialist understanding of the pressures on a forces marriage. There is also a counselling service (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/connectcouns/) operating an e-mail based service. If you are UK based than there are a whole range of counselling options (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/) available.

It's ok to admit that you need help. It often takes more courage to do that than to struggle on alone.

I hope you can find some appropriate help.