It,s all over after 21 years

[mac]

Hi all
please excuse the spelling

Well I was on here some months ago looking for the right way to solve my marriage problems .I was to stubbern to take things in and now it,s all over
5 months ago i walked out after 21 years of marriage and 26 years together all because i did not listen to her and respect her needs because of my selfish mind.The 5 months that i lived in a flat i still could not let her go and kept coming home to see my boys and her but could not bring myself to stay as we would start to row as i just would not listen to her

I then after a family weeks holiday and rowed with her most of the time got home and moved back to the flat again at this piont she told me to find somene ells which i did (talk about a big mistake)then 3 weeks ago she rang me all day asking if i have found somone eventualy i said yes this brock her hart and as we talked she was cying so much i new what i had done to this girl that i love so much i dont think i will ever stop hering her cry.

My wife then went and has filed for the divorce the papers have come and it is for unrsonable behavier as i am the jellios type and have been for many years I CAN SEE ALL NOW THAT I PUT HER THROU

She then jioned and internet dating agency and within a week had met some guy on it she has been with him now for just 3 weeks and has stayed over since the first week with him this is very hard for me as now all this has happend i can see what i am like and regrete it so much I have been texing and phoning her to try to make things up but she just says it over and for me to move on and get a new life as she has done

This is my problem she is my world and i just can,t get past all that the things i have done such as follows 1internet porn /jeliosy/saying she is having affairs / checking up on her phone/ and not respecting her wishes and needs / and most of all just not being a good husbund to her

I am now all allon and trying to get to grips with the way i have been i no i have lost the woman that i have loved since the first day we met at the age of 15

She has moved out of the house and taken all her stuff laeving me with our two boys age 19 and 16 i think she is going to move in with this new guy but not sure.

My advise if i can give to anyone with the same problem is listen to your wife talk talk and talk take every thing in as the grass is not greener on the other side i now that now i have lost the 1 thing that is so pressiose to me because of my actions

Never be like me it,s just not worth it

[Raymond]

Thank you for your sermon Mac. Hopefully some can heed it. I think it would be good if you wrote to her saying something like you now see the light and realise how that you didn't treat her right. Theres no guarantee that it will win her back but I believe it would be a good thing to do. One never knows if the the present relationship will last. You have nothing to lose and it will go some way to mending things a bit. I hope she is still seeing her boys.

Raymond

[mac]

Thanks raymond for the advise

I have tryd to tex her and ring her but she just will not back down she has moved in with the guy she met from the internet 3 weeks ago and now refuses to talk

So thats it for me and her I just can,t see how a mother can walk out and leave the kids for a man in 3 weeks and after all this time we have been together

It is hard for me to accept this and also on the boys they think she will come back but last nite she has said to them she will see them tuesday evening for an hour after work

just have to see what happens

thanks

mac

[Raymond]

I think it will be better in a letter. She obviously doesn't want to talk or answer messages just now.

A one way letter outlining what you were saying to us showing her you are conscious of where you went wrong and apologising to her. Don't do it to gain anything. Let it be open ended.

Raymond

[mac]

I think it will be better in a letter. She obviously doesn't want to talk or answer messages just now.

A one way letter outlining what you were saying to us showing her you are conscious of where you went wrong and apologising to her. Don't do it to gain anything. Let it be open ended.

Raymond Thanks raymond
Yesterday she called to the house to see her pets and last night she stayed at a friends house down the road i did do the letter and i was going to give it to her when i seen her but she got it when she came into the house read it then ripped it up saying it,s just words she is upset and i did talk to her for about an hour she listend and sometimes went a bite mad then we talked again .All she keeps saying is it,s over and 4 me to give up on her and move on. This for me at this stage is very hard so today i have arranged for flowers to be deliverd to her at her works hope this will calm things a little for me to start building bridges with her if not then i think she will never come back.All i now is she looks brill when i seen her and it was so nice to talk with her again I must say i fell in love with this girl since 15 and still do we just lost our way with the presures of the house and things that have gone rong for us thanks for your support

[Raymond]

Well done for trying Mac. It would have been better for her to read the letter away from you, but there you go.

She sounds terribly hurt and obviously went through a hard time with you.

Although it is good to send flowers, anything perceived as pressure to get her back will bounce back in your face just now, so be careful how you play it.

The idea over time is to let her know you recognise your part in the failure with out any strings attached. If you have really changed she will perceive it in the long run, but she should not and will not be manipulated by it if you know what I mean. Any response should be her own decision in her own time.

Raymond

[mac]

Hi Raymond

Thanks for the advice i will just try to leave things as they are now hope that she will see that i have changed and will try to make her happy with me if she comes back
by 4 now

mac

[markr154]

Sorry to say this, but you acted extremely selfishly in the beginning ...and hurt your wife in ways that you may never know.

You went out for 5 months, found yourself a rebound ...and your wife has now moved on to someone better.

The only thing you can do is accept that it's over, get on with your own life ...and treat your next partner a sh*tload better!

If it so happens that you ever get a chance with your wife again ...you'll know what you have to do.

Learn from this mistake!

[mac]

Hi MArk

Well yes i have to agree with you on every piont it,s been some days now since she has left and she has now got a house of her own and is taking one of ower boys to live with her to me at this stage is very rong so i did ask her to move back in and i would move out. She just said no as it stands she is spliting up our two sons which is rong in my book but i gess she has to do what she thinks .The only thing is i hope that my youngest will accept leaving his mates and his bro (not sure yet)

So i am helping her to move out this evening as a justure that mum and dad can still get on with eachother

Still would have her back if she said but that now is a no no for her so i am just keeping myself happy and not trying to think to hard about it all
maybe one day soon i will wish her all the happyness and mean it but i still think she is making a big mistake as we had 26 years and that counts for a lot and i would make the next 26 tears with her the best if i only had that chance again

By 4 now mac

[Raymond]

Time will tell if it's all over Mac. Who knows if she will see this new relationship in a different light down the line as you did. Do you think she has got the message about how you have re-thought everything and now see where you went wrong?

Raymond

[mac]

Hi Raymond
I don,t think so as she is still made with me and tryes to do everything the oppisite i say I seen her tonite and she is looking down again as i am she is a very strong lady ( I did that to her over the years i think)so i gess i will just have to see how it geos
mac

[Raymond]

Then you have to keep showing how you have changed. Don't retaliate. Put up with her attitude. Your love will show in the end. If that message gets accross it will be there in her mind.

Raymond