can't figure him out

[jcollins]

my husband and I have been having problems for the past 2 years. We have 2 little children ages 2 and 4 months. I take care of the kids primary on my own, he's good to them but of really no help. He has a problem with telling me the truth. He seems to think that if he doesn't tell me then I don't need to know. I'll get up to get him off to work and he'll be gone at 4am. when he comes home to get ready for work he says he's been at the store. He is constantly leaving in the middle of the night and gets annoyed that it makes me mad. I think couples should be at home together as a family at night, he thinks that its ok if the kids are sleeping. He has no consideration about others and is totally selfish. I don't want him to teach our children to be liars, cons, cheats, or selfish. He won't talk to me, always has something else to do. What should I do, I don't trust him after all these years of lies and I'm tired of being unhappy as a family.:(

[Kate]

I wonder did these problems start when the children came along? You mention two years and that's the age of your eldest. Sometimes men have trouble adjusting to the changes that a family brings and as mums we can get very absorbed in our children.

You might have a look sat the area of the site called Coping with Disillusionment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffdisill/)

I don't think I would be happy if my husband disappeared in the midlle of the night without telling me why or where he was going.

Perhaps he needs to know that you miss him and that you want to spend time with him. If you're mad with him all the time then he probably won't want to be at home. It's easy to get into a stand-off, when really you'd be better trying to revive and strengthen your relationship. How about a meal out together or even a romantic meal at home, some family trips out or some shared hobbies. I know it's not easy with small children, but it can be done.