Please Help...

[tellingLies]

I have been married for going on four months, and just the other day when my wife and I were going through the bills, she came across my cell phone bill. She found a number that I said before that I didn't call. That same number came up before and I denied talking to her, and now that she sees the number on the phone bill, she has caught me in a lie. She also, went through my email and talked to the people I talked to online. She also discovered that I have been talking to people online and not telling people that I am married. It seems to be snow balling now, as she digs deeper into what I have done on the internet. I don't care that she has gone through my stuff and dug things up, in fact I am glad that she did so in a way. I see where and what I have done wrong, I terminated the internet for myself, I changed my cell phone number and cut off all my ties to the outside world. I want this to work out, and I am having trouble seeing what I should do. I am willing to do what ever it takes to make this right. I don't know why I continued to talk to these people but I continued to do so. I am in the navy, and I work out of town. So the only time that I get to spend with my wife is on the weekends, and I feel that has alot to do with it. It allows my mind to wonder, and that is where I messed up. Someone please give me some information, on what I could do. I know I have lost her trust, but what can I do to show her, that what I did, ment nothing to me. That all I want is her...

[Liz]

Well it's going to take time to convince your wife, and you will need to persevere. Your wife will need time to come to terms with the way you have hurt her.

You might like to look at the article on rebuilding trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) on the site.

If you can't avoid being away during the week, then try and focus on your wife even when you're away. Try and keep in regular touch and share with each other what's been going on in your lives. Try and find the opportunity to let her tell you how she feels about you being away and what she finds difficult. If you want something to keep your mind busy, why not read a good book on marriage. One that might be appropriate is The Five Languages of Love (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/books/fivelovelang/)

For your self, the best way not to be tempted is to avoid being in situations which you know will tempt you. There is also no reason why, if you really love and miss your wife that your mind should wander. Perhaps you need to think about what has been drawing you to go out and talk to others on the internet rather than keeping in touch with your wife.

You and your wife might like to consider some marriage enrichment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/), because one of the best ways to avoid being tempted by other women is to be so involved with your wife even though you're apart, that you're not interested in anyone else!