help

[Unregistered]

i am 29 years old and just recently i found out that my wife of 11 years has cheated on me.. we are trying to work things out and she has told me everything.. i wasnt giving her the attention a woman needs..i guess i kinda go stuck in the same ol routine.. like most of us do..i took everything for granted...what my question is ..is she has told me she really loves me and wants to work through this..she has told me what she wants and needs from me... i am just having a hard time believing her...this is the first time ever that she has betrayed me? do i beleive her or what?? i am so confused

[Kate]

Feeling confused and being unsure whether to believe her is perfectly normal. It's something you will both need to work through.

You might like to have a look at Peggy Vaughan's article on the Common patterns in dealing with Affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/patternaffair.html), which should give you some idea of the normal reactions of both the one who has had the affair and their partner.

Learning to trust again (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) will take some time and effort on both your parts. In another article (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/Extramarital/) Peggy points out that the best protection against an affair is a commitment to honesty and openness. If we admit to each other when we're attracted to someone and recognise the danger signs of wanting to conceal something from our partner then we are less likely to go far down the road towards an affair.

It sounds as though you have had the courage to admit that you could have been more attentive and caring to your wife in the past. Now you have another chance - there are risks in rebuilding trust, but surely there's even more to lose by walking away now.

[Unregistered]

just wanted to say thanks for the reply. i need all i can get right now....i really appreciate it!!!!! again...thanks