Hi I'm new :)

[Ivana]

Hi there, my name is Beckii and I'm 30. I have 3 kids and have just asked my husband for a divorce. Bit scared but know it's for the best. Been a very difficult 7 years and am really looking forward to moving on with my life. Have read a few posts, hopefully you may be able to help me if I have any dumb questions! Speak soon x :D

[Ivana]

Suppose I should fill you in lol
When I left the Army I took a job as a care assistant working a few nights a week. My husband (still in Army) looked after our son. Anyway, things were fine, he was being a bit of a prat with money and going out all the time getting drunk and I didn't have any friends so in that respect things were difficult but I put it down to him being under stress at being a dad and being at a new unit.
But one morning after my night shift, I checked his phone. I don't know why tbh. But I found a few texts in his outbox to a girl he worked with, under a man's name. They were all very explicit. He denied sleeping with her when I confronted him. I decided to forget it because my son was only 6 months or so. But I became very paranoid and started checking everything. I found loads of stuff on our pc. Pictures of himself, pictures of girls, emails, secret msn addresses, phone sex lines, you name it he did it. He was basically texting and emailing anyone who seemed interested, whether he knew them or not. But I was too scared to leave :(
When he went on tour to Iraq I found more of the same and tricked him into meeting me online. He fell for it and I told him then it was his wife and I wanted a divorce. He was still on tour at the time and when he came back he moved out. Turns out he'd got himself a new girlfriend on tour (not always fighting out there lol).
Long story short - I took him back in the end. But this sort of stuff has continued. Every once in a while I'll find something else out but I just haven't had the strength to leave up until now.
When we lived in Germany last year, I got pregnant with my DD. I found him on msn to a young girl when I was about 6 months then again at 8 months, but this time he'd just gone into a sex forum and had added a couple to his list (another secret msn addy) and was masturbating for them. Once again, I couldn't leave, had a c-section booked etc. But finally I demanded we move back to UK and we bought a house, I don't know why, I think I've been in denial for a while now hoping things would work out - he's very very convincing! But then I found a message from his ex on Facebook and basically she admitted that he had told her at Xmas that I had left him and wanted to meet with her, she was his soumate etc.
I wasn't even angry when I found out. I have reached a point in my life now where I find myself able to move on and get him out of my life, just a little sad that it has taken me so long. But I have 3 beautiful children so not all bad. He is distraught at the separation, I do feel bad because he is in Afghanistan and can't do much about it, but I'm not standing for it anymore. There's so much more that I could tell lol but tbh I haven't got the time!!
Anyway, that's my story, have so much on my mind right now and am worried because the house is in joint names but have contacted a solicitor and will get some advice. The worse that can happen to me is I will have to go on benefits for a while, till I sort myself out. It really doesn't scare me like it used to.
It seems that a lot of people out there do these sorts of things, I find it very odd, I can understand some things but other stuff just goes over my head, there is no way I'd be doing anything on webcam for anyone!! But it's just as heartbreaking, I was such a mess when I went digging and found all that stuff.

[Raymond]

Hes been wiping the floor with you it seems Becki. A marriage cannot carry on in that atmosphere. It is mental adultery at best. Sex is a precious thing just between you two. Anything extra will go against the intimacy you should have. I fully understand where you are coming from and hope it works out for you.

Hopefully some others on here who know more about divorce will be able to help you.

Raymond

[Dee73]

I couldn't agree more, you really don't deserve this kind of grief in your life any longer. Its really scary facing an unknown future but you seem to have the right attitude. Just want to say good luck and keep positive.

All the very best for your future.

Dee