keen2luv
4th May 2008, 07:09 PM
I have been with my partner for a few years.
I used to run a club last year that we both enjoyed being a part of and that he also contributed to in the running in some way, though the major control was mine.
We constantly disagreed with how certain things should be done with the club and one night in January this year we had a major disagreement over the club itself and he stormed out. There was noone else involved, it was just us.
After he had left to "cool off" I had decided that because the club was causing so much grief between us I deleted myself as a member. I thought by doing this we could get on with our lives as we had before.
I didn't tell him or anyone as I felt it was just best to hand it all over to him to let him run it how he wanted to.
The next day I had several phone calls from friends from the club asking me if I was ok after the email from my partner.
I couldn't understand what they were on about as I had received no such email. I asked one of my friends to forward a copy onto me.
He had sent an email via the clubs website to everyone of the members (100 in total) slating me in public and in detail, had described our private debate from the night before, accusing me of sabotage of the club as well as ruining our relationship and gave sordid details accusing me of all sorts of things- which later was proved to be totally and utterly unfounded.
I was left devasted. I could not understand how someone who said they loved me could degrade and humiliate me in such a manner. Not only publically but to our friends and the way he had done it gave me no chance of responding as I had given up the option to contact the members via the club the night of our row.
I was left feeling alone, saddened and at the time very unloved.
That night my partner came home as if nothing had happened, and when I said to him I had seen the email he said he did it for us?
I explained that I was hurt, deeply, deeply hurt by what he had said in it and in the method in which he had done it, but he felt he was justified in doing so and stood by his actions.
I have since lost all trust regarding telling him things about myself, my day, and even allowing him to mix with my friends, although most of my friends through the club never speak to me now because of the email he sent.
Although he has tried to make amends, I cant open up to him as I felt I always could do before and feel constantly on my guard.
My self esteem has lessened because of it and I recently became depressed, although my partner feels this is nothing to do with him or what he had done.
Last week, he finally admitted that what he had said was perhaps a little harsh and hurtful - only four months to realise that, but the pain and doubt for me still continues.
On top of that the day after the email was sent out, I started to receive threatening text messages and phone calls wishing I was dead amongst other things. Of course I have had them stopped, but I also lost my job through it, as they started to call my work place.
The person concerned (another member of the club) was reacting in a way because of the email; that he believed was true and that the club had closed because of me (again was not the case). All this came out in his statement to the police, but of course that does not stop the mental cruelty I have felt because of this.
The thing is I still love him. However, before when I closed my eyes I saw him, could smell him and most of all felt like he was kissing me for the first time each and every time we kissed. He was in my thoughts every second of every day.
Now, I can go all day and think of him only briefly. Close my eyes and only see him vaguely to start with before his image becomes clear to me.
These are my questions:
1)Should I be wrong in feeling mistrust towards my partner?
2)Should I try and move on and hope that we can rekindle what we had before, which in all honesty was probably the most special type of relationship you can have with one person?
3)Do I think of myself and walk away - starting a fresh life without fear of retribution?
I understand that at the end of the day, only I can make the ultimate decision in what I should do, but I would value all your thoughts on this as I know that your words will give me some guidance.
Thank you.
I used to run a club last year that we both enjoyed being a part of and that he also contributed to in the running in some way, though the major control was mine.
We constantly disagreed with how certain things should be done with the club and one night in January this year we had a major disagreement over the club itself and he stormed out. There was noone else involved, it was just us.
After he had left to "cool off" I had decided that because the club was causing so much grief between us I deleted myself as a member. I thought by doing this we could get on with our lives as we had before.
I didn't tell him or anyone as I felt it was just best to hand it all over to him to let him run it how he wanted to.
The next day I had several phone calls from friends from the club asking me if I was ok after the email from my partner.
I couldn't understand what they were on about as I had received no such email. I asked one of my friends to forward a copy onto me.
He had sent an email via the clubs website to everyone of the members (100 in total) slating me in public and in detail, had described our private debate from the night before, accusing me of sabotage of the club as well as ruining our relationship and gave sordid details accusing me of all sorts of things- which later was proved to be totally and utterly unfounded.
I was left devasted. I could not understand how someone who said they loved me could degrade and humiliate me in such a manner. Not only publically but to our friends and the way he had done it gave me no chance of responding as I had given up the option to contact the members via the club the night of our row.
I was left feeling alone, saddened and at the time very unloved.
That night my partner came home as if nothing had happened, and when I said to him I had seen the email he said he did it for us?
I explained that I was hurt, deeply, deeply hurt by what he had said in it and in the method in which he had done it, but he felt he was justified in doing so and stood by his actions.
I have since lost all trust regarding telling him things about myself, my day, and even allowing him to mix with my friends, although most of my friends through the club never speak to me now because of the email he sent.
Although he has tried to make amends, I cant open up to him as I felt I always could do before and feel constantly on my guard.
My self esteem has lessened because of it and I recently became depressed, although my partner feels this is nothing to do with him or what he had done.
Last week, he finally admitted that what he had said was perhaps a little harsh and hurtful - only four months to realise that, but the pain and doubt for me still continues.
On top of that the day after the email was sent out, I started to receive threatening text messages and phone calls wishing I was dead amongst other things. Of course I have had them stopped, but I also lost my job through it, as they started to call my work place.
The person concerned (another member of the club) was reacting in a way because of the email; that he believed was true and that the club had closed because of me (again was not the case). All this came out in his statement to the police, but of course that does not stop the mental cruelty I have felt because of this.
The thing is I still love him. However, before when I closed my eyes I saw him, could smell him and most of all felt like he was kissing me for the first time each and every time we kissed. He was in my thoughts every second of every day.
Now, I can go all day and think of him only briefly. Close my eyes and only see him vaguely to start with before his image becomes clear to me.
These are my questions:
1)Should I be wrong in feeling mistrust towards my partner?
2)Should I try and move on and hope that we can rekindle what we had before, which in all honesty was probably the most special type of relationship you can have with one person?
3)Do I think of myself and walk away - starting a fresh life without fear of retribution?
I understand that at the end of the day, only I can make the ultimate decision in what I should do, but I would value all your thoughts on this as I know that your words will give me some guidance.
Thank you.