is there nothing left, please help!!!!!

[bettyboo]

hi, my husband and i have been married for 8 years nearly with 2 beautiful children. recently we have been arguing alot, mainly about the lack of sex in our relationship. he would have it every day but since the kids my sex drive never came back. we havent spoken for 2 days now and all i want to do is talk but he doesnt seem to at the moment. this kind of arguement has happened a few times now over a couple of years, and usually make it up in the end, but this time it feels different. it has give me alot of time to think and i dont think hes happy with me. we dont really spend alot of time together as a couple as he has a demanding job, and when we do get to spend time together we dont have much to talk about anymore. i feel we are drifting apart and i dont know how to fix it. if anyone has been in a similar position any advise would be appreciated, as i dont want my marriage to end. i just want to be happy again. please help.

[Bambar]

Looking at your previous posts, it seems as if you have had issues about trusting your husband & these may colour your attitude towards having a sexual relationship with him.[

People who post on the “living in a sexless marriage” thread will agree that talking about the problem is important, but there may be too much underlying resentment & anxiety on both sides for you to do this without some kind of help from a counsellor or other form of support.

It may be that you & your husband see you now as primarily a mother rather than a wife. If your sex drive vanished with the birth of your children, it may have been some time since you & he shared any form of intimacy, a situation which is terribly destructive to any partnership.

Many people see the talking you long for as a form of nagging or justification for taking an entrenched position. Without a constructive discussion in a supported environment, it will be difficult to reach a conclusion which has any chance of satisfying you both. However you do it, the process of developing your relationship to put it on a more healthy footing will require hard work from you both & the willingness to risk facing unpalatable truths about yourselves. Sadly, there is no magic wand to be waved to make you happy again.

Good luck.

[Raymond]

I agree with Bambar. I would also say the sex drive is still there deep down within you and needs to be cultivated again even slowly. It is a kind of cement in marriage causing adhesion. I would say get practising again. Down the line I am sure you will relish it again and your husband will certainly be a lot happier.

Raymond