Need advice! Please help!

[elly77]

Last month I found an e-mail in my husbands e-maill account from him to a hooker on a web site asking for pictures of her and when could they meet up. I confronted him about the e-mail and he had said it was for a guy in work to see if it was his sister or not. A week later I still felt uneasy about that explanation so his bank statement came in the mail and I opened it ( we have seperate accounts) and there was a charge on there for a hotel room one night that he said he was out with the "guys". He said he had gotten the hotel room to think about things and he did not have a hooker in there.

I kicked him out that night and he did not call for 2 weeks. we finally started talking and started counseling BUT I still do not know if I can ever trust him again or still be in this marriage. I am so confused and alone I do not know what to do I get so angry then I will be ok I am an emotional mess. I am not sure if I can ever forgive him and am worried I am wasting my time. I just do not know what to do.

[Alice Alice]

Dear elly77 i am so sorry to hear you have to go through all this it must be a living nightmare

If you believe in God pray to him through the name of his son Jesus Christ ask him to carry your burden and he will ...remember when he washed the feet of his disciples before he was sacrificed to death...he was telling us to allow him to be humble then he was put to sacrifice for our sins.
Tell him you can't take it anymore he needs to take over your burden and he will do it ...his yoke is far easier then the one we put on for ourselves.

THIS IS A YOKE
http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1039674/2/istockphoto_1039674_oxen_yoke_is_the_origination_o f_teamwork.jpg

Everything will fall into its place when you allow God to help ...keep praying.

your story has me gasping!!!it could easily be me!

[Raymond]

Do you have any proof that he is lying about these two incidents Elly? I mean the e mail to the hooker and the hotel room. If you are right then this is quite serious.

Raymond

[elly77]

well the e-mail to the hooker he had said that he was trying to find out if it was a friend of his sister BUT the kid passed away and in the obituary they never listed a sister then he said oh I meant we thought it was the kids girlfriend. When I confronted him about the hotel bill he said I was never at a hotel go ahead and call well I did and they confirmed he was there.

I do want to leave we have only been married over little over a year and I am 31 I am just so scared that I will not be able to get along on my own. I know I eventually will but right now the thought scares me to death. He lies all the time about the littlest things and I am really sick of it.

I am not sure if the counseling will even work I feel like I am giving 110% but he maybe giving me only 25%. Right now he is living at his fathers house and I think he enjoys being "single" again. I am afraid I wont be able to do the same thing. I always thought when I married it was going to be for life but I guess I was mistaken.

[Raymond]

It looks like you are probably right Elly. Even porn is mental adultery on it's own. Sounds like there are issues with trust as well. You cannot be sure what he is getting up to with the lies and everything. One can put up with a lot of faults but sexual unfaithfulness is a killer of intimacy. That can apply to porn as well. If you are sure he is being sexually unfaithful, even through porn, these should be key issues in the counseling. No wife should ever have to put up with that. If he doesn't care about it I don't see much hope for the marriage. If he is sorry and wants to overcome these problems that will be a different matter. If there is no change after a period of confrontion and no will to change then you might have to make a decision. If you are going to put up with all this because you don't want to be on your own you could create a prison for yourself.

You have decisions to make. Keep posting.

Raymond