Do I let her stay overnight with ex fiance

[Phoenix_1967]

Hi all, well it's been 2 months since my last post and I really thought things were getting better, however my wife now wants to 'spend the night' with her ex fiance to see 'his new flat' after his split with his wife. I have told her that this is a step too far, but she just doesn't seem to care how it makes me feel. Since my last post, life was getting back to normal, sex was ok although not as regular as before, but there have been subtle differences.

She stayed over night with a female friend of hers rather than watch our son perform in front of over 600 people with his school. She stayed behind at home recently when we were invited to a long standing family friends daughters 18 birthday party and now she wants me to take her to 'visit' her male friend over may bank holiday. She very rarely says 'I love you' not even in response to me saying it to her.

I know what you are all probably thinking 'stop being a mug and take control', unfortunately I can't, I still love my wife, all though I am now feeling the strain after over 4 months of giving her my all. I have tried to change, although she has told me not to, as she still says it's all her, is this the beginning of the end? Or after 20 years is it all over?

[lonelylass]

Hi Phoenix,

Do you trust her to stay overnight? Do you think she is testing you on this?

Personally I think this is a step too far, you are quite within your rights to say no!! Why stay over anyway, why don't you both go, in fact, I would suggest it, see how she reacts! I would definately not be happy about it, sounds very fishy to me.

LoLa x

[Raymond]

You don't stay overnight with an ex fiancee. That is tempting fate a bit I would say. Impropriety is an old word but its springs to mind. In other words it is not proper so say no.

Raymond

[Alice Alice]

Sounds like she is very naive or she hopes you are
good idea on going along if she insists ...you have all the right in the world to say no

[kyalan]

are you f*cking mental???

[SadBill]

Hi phoenix
Absolutely not mate ! She is utterly taking the P
Do you think you are worth more than that ?
Best wishes
Billy

Man, she is on a roll.... say no, say no, say no.

When my wife's affair became public knowledge, she did three things, she told me that she loved him, refused to delete his numbers from her cell phone & stop contacting him, and that she wanted to do anything to fix our marriage. I loved my wife too, I could not understand that the person I had devoted my life to, that I worshiped and adored could treat me so badly, and want to keep treating me so badly even while telling me that she was sorry (B/S) and wanted to fix things, and yet expect me to accept it. Its bullsh*t.

Your wife sounds like she is just going through the motions... that she is stringing you along for what ever selfish reasons that she has. NOBODY has the right to treat you with disrespect, dishonor, nobody. And thats exactly what she is doing to you.

Tell her its one of two things, she stays with you, or she stays with him, and leaves.

[val100]

Absolutely not and how dare she ask.
I have an ex from when I was in school He was my first love took me years to get over him we remained great friends but we both know 18yrs on we don't stay over unless in a group.
Don't be silly here she is only thinking of herself. What business has she in his flat.

[Phoenix_1967]

Hi, well thanks all for your advice, I think the problem is she has got me over a barrel, to a point anyway and to be honest I am scared. If I give her an ultimatum and tell her she can't go, what if she ups and leaves me and the kids? What if there is genuinely nothing going on and it is truly platonic? Do I then risk everything over stopping her from seeing an old friend that lives 120 miles away? Or do I take the chance and give her the green light but with a caveat that if she she is seeing him, then when she gets back she tells me its over so that we can split amicably for the sake of our 3 kids? I am confused and just don't know what to do for the best..help me please!!

[nik1h]

If she loves you and respects you then you would not be in a position to have to say yes or no.

No honest relationship would tolerate a night with a ex fiance. I she ups and leaves then you have a answer. Not a pleasant one but a answer. Tell her not on.

[Alice Alice]

Dear Phoenix
You sound desperate i know how you feel
you will be a lot more upset if you allow this to happen, thus something happens with the 2 of them

Best case scenario: She is naive and wants to be a good friend, when the night approaches he has started needing her more and more he is vulnerable ...women melt a bit when they see the vulnerable side of a man.

Maybe show her your vulnerability you need her more then he needs her she then has to choose

[Alice Alice]

Hi, well thanks all for your advice, I think the problem is she has got me over a barrel, to a point anyway and to be honest I am scared. If I give her an ultimatum and tell her she can't go, what if she ups and leaves me and the kids? What if there is genuinely nothing going on and it is truly platonic? Do I then risk everything over stopping her from seeing an old friend that lives 120 miles away? Or do I take the chance and give her the green light but with a caveat that if she she is seeing him, then when she gets back she tells me its over so that we can split amicably for the sake of our 3 kids? I am confused and just don't know what to do for the best..help me please!!


If she leaves you because your worried about another man taking advantage of your wife then she is being unreasonable.
(this is if she is being naive to helping him out)
if she has no intentions of being intimately involved with him be it sexually or emotionally then she should see your side of the picture after all you are her husband and the father of her children she should put your feeling first over his.

I really hope she isn't pulling the wool over your eyes

[lonelylass]

Hi Phoenix,

120miles is long taxi ride eh? It is also a long drive for you, will make you very tired.;) I would suggest you arrange a babysitter, drive her up there, you stay over night as well as your are either too tired, or feeling too ill to drive back?

Other than that, you just tell her straight, you are worried about her being taken advantage of and would rather she didn't go or you went with her.

It's down to you I'm afraid, but you need to stand up to her as everyone on here says, it's not on!

LoLa x