Its all gone wrong !!

[m999]

Hi everyone,

New to forums...

Me and my wife have four wonderful children after being together for 16yrs and were married only 10mths ago. now she says were over >>

I understand why we argue all the time and in front of the kids I know this is wrong but since we/she has decided it's over the arguments have settled, yes I am still living at home on the settee as we have a mortgage to sort out and many other issues, the kids have been sat down and told what will happen and yeh there upset we all are but kids have a magic way of moving on quickly unlike us adults.

Very soon I will be moving into my new rented house I'm just finding it hard to come to terms with not having the kids smiles when I arrive home from work and putting all the years we spent together behind me, I consider myself to be a very good dad that when I come home from work I spend time with them help with the cleaning take them out all the time at weekends.. I'm finding it very very hard to understand or take this all in, but at the same time have an excitment of a new page in my life, I've made some bad moves in my life we all have if were honest but I'm not a bad person, is there anyone I could chat to who has been through the same situation, I have four kids 2 girls 18mth and 6yrs and two boys 12 and 13

We are coming to a mutual agreement about seeing the kids and when they can stop, its every weekend and for sleep overs, I think the oldest ones will want to stop over more and more and may even move in at some point not sure, I did consider going for custody but dont want the kids to see anymore fighting..

advise or chat please:confused:

[Raymond]

Don't underestimate the hurt to the kids. You may not see it but there will be a wounding deep down which will affect them deeply perhaps for the rest of their lives. Please be aware of this.

Raymond

[val100]

You seem very matter of fact about it.

Your kids will hurt but will cope with lots of honesty. You seem to know what you want. Why end it ?
My H and I were married 51 weeks exactly when I asked him to move out had been together for 15 yrs.

not sure what you are asking from us
everybody listens here if you just want to talk

[Alice Alice]

This kind of thing happens to a lot of people ...once they marry after a long period of living together...what is marriage to you?

what has changed in you after you got married ..i can't ask your wife the same question because she is not here...anyway something changed.

Did you feel it was too final? did you feel trapped? were you the one who wanted to change the arrangement to an official marriage?
If you look back to the way it used to be what did you like about it compared to the way it is being married on paper?

The history of marriage is very basic 2 people get together have a gathering of witnesses to say its true they are claiming to be together and they no longer are single looking for someone else...they throw a big feast so everyone spreads they news of the union and there you have it a marriage and of coarse the religious people have God on the invitation in fact he is on the VIP list ....as for the government being invited they are not really they are the ones that crash the party and expects you to pay them a marital fee of money $$$
i think the government's paper marital status has put a damper of what a real wedding is all about and marriage ...ON PAPER not FROM YOUR HEART

PS get this sorted out fast you have children who need you to know what you want from your wife and also your wife needs to figure out what she wants from you...take the lead in this problem i'm sure you can understand what you need to to.