Just found out - what next?

[tiger]

I found out four days ago that my husband has been seeing someone I know for the last three months. I found out by snooping on our pc and downloading a key logger after finding evidence of a strange email account he was using.

My husband and I have been together just over three years and married 7 months (3 of which he was serving in bad environment). We have an 18 month old daughter together and a daughter from a previous relationship who is 5. We own a house together (which was mine but we remortgaged together to release a deposit for a new home abroad in August). We have survived one of his infidelities when our daughter was 7 weeks and was a drunken one night stand while he living apart from me.

Its hard to be brief but the person in question is someone I have known for 10 years. Her motive is that she was taking revenge for a drunken kiss I had with her partner 4 years ago. I have since found that during their relationship she told my husband many lies about me. Obviously he should not have been so stupid to be fooled by someone.

Anyway, I'm not daft, I know I didnt deserve it and I know what he has done is unforgiveable. I know I am about to embark on one hell of a rollercoaster of emotions. Initially there was complete shock - now the pain is coming and oh my god, how disgustingly unbearable that feels!!!

I kicked my husband out as soon as I found out. He denied everything. I asked him to not come near me for a few weeks so I could come to terms with this, however he sent me a phone number and I could not help but phone him.

I seem to have a desperate need to know all the details but is it too soon to be talking to him? Do I need to suffer this pain alone first? I cannot see any way in which we can reconcile and I also understand that my love for him will not stop overnight. Should I break completely until I feel OK? I just want the truth but I am not sure if he is capable of this. I know he is desperately sorry (for getting caught!!!). I want to take it all on the chin now and deal with it all, rather than find out more from other people and keep feeling more and more pain. Is this right? Should I speak to him or is it just a comfort blanket for me?

[Alice Alice]

Dear Tiger
i can only imagine what you are going through with having the children around is the toughest part.

i'm going to be soo up front with you i might be very wrong so don't go doing what i will say...i'm sure you still have it in you to fallow your own heart.
BUT you asked and here it is.

change the lock on the doors get a lawyer fast so you can get started on receiving his money to help out with the babysitters and focus on your job and as a mom and even get him to pay for concelling.

while this is going on hopefully he will wake up and get help too if not too bad you have yourself all taken care of as much as possible without him being around.

don't bother with that b***h and remember Queens don't swing your too good to fight her with even words
let the proof be in the pudding she was wrong to do that to you ...10 years of a friendship out the window over a guy??!!

just think of your babies!and pray pray pray

[SadBill]

If you can forgive and work through this terrible time then that could be wonderful, but the reality is that we cant all take on the personalities of the saints we so wish to emulate. Nobody will blame you for kicking him to the kerb, If you can do a better job of raising those kids without him and his terrible affairs then do it. alice is very correct though, pray to the lord, use our priest or rabbai or whoever, the lord will see you through.