The benefit of the doubt?

[Coffeebean]

I have an odd problem that i was hoping for some help with. My h is being amazingly loving. Very affectionate with kisses and cuddles etc. Lots of love. Now the problem I have is that the last time he was this way it was because his ex financee had started text messaging him and telling him that she was still in love with him and he was struggling with his feelings for her and what he felt for me.

Now although he is being really wonderful and so romantic and kind I just don't feel happy with it cause i'm wondering what is the reason for it.

The only other difference thats occured in this household is that I have gone back to work for only a few hours in a week but I know H is really pleased about this and I wonder if this is the cause for such happiness?

Should I just sit back and enjoy the ride? (no pun intended)

[lonelylass]

Hi Coffeebean,

I would sit back and enjoy, unless it's making you uncomfortable.

You could always check his phone or something if you think there is something going on or if you feel you can, just ask him outright. Say you have noticed his affection and really enjoy but....

Good Luck, hope it's just his love for you.

How's parkman John?:D

LoLa x

[Alice Alice]

i agree he might just be liking his own time i would also say just to voice your thought simply without saying too much...like...my your chirpy these days its a breath of fresh air...then listen to his reply

sounds like you need a break too

[val100]

Oh god girl just enjoy it. If he is getting attention elsewhere then all you have to do is make him want to stick giving you all the love.

What is going on in his mind doesn't matter as long as he is acting it out with you, come on you didn't try it on with John that time the 100 of us desperate ladies ran off to buy him another ice cream cone?

[Coffeebean]

LOL Val yeah I remember you tried to talk me out of it too but if memory serves me right I lost him to you when you waggled a double mint choc chip at him. I know it was a HOT day but he could have at least finished his sentence!! :)

I bet my h doesn't have as good an imagination as you guys - shame if he's acting it out with me lol :)

[val100]

It was no mint choc chip it was an almond magnum and a tub of ben ands jerrys smeered on my body , I am still cold can't warm up enough to stop looking like I have bee shot in the back twice.

OHHHH I am way too happy today Nm is a keeper and it is way too soon for me to be this loved up especially as he may run back to his ex bugger bugger. Can't help enjoy him though and those tres strong arms.

Girls you should see his house it is amazing he built is himself top to bottom, Big jaccuzz bath room for 2 (no he didn't build that he bought it) stop me I am sinking fast.
He loves kids too. Slap me now.

Must go boss is about to walk in

[teacherman]

Val take a tip from the wise man (thats me by the way)

Enjoy the happiness -Live for today -Its never to soon to be loved up.
Look at me, I am so full of love I am bursting and it just keeps getting better.

Glad things are back on again. Dont worry about whats in the future, enjoy today.

It will help to keep that smile on your face. As for the slap me now - dont you think its just a little too early to introduce him to your bondage desires??????????

[val100]

God sake tim,
Giggle giggle.

No no it isn't good he is suffering as he has only split from his Gf a few months and he is on that rollercoaster.

i don't know if we are back on he rang me the other night and I was out so he asked me over to his house and he later dropped me home (much later,)
he asked me to stay but my kids were at home so I couldn't. I haven't heard from him since.
Now we did discuss this and he asked if he could have time to sort out his head.

He loves her and I think he just isn't sure if he wants the split. she found out that we are together and went mad since then he has pulled back from me. I am not stupid I will probably get dumped like a hot potato ones she stops sulking.
He tells me it is over between them but you know when you have been there you recognise the signs :(.


I just enjoy him when I am with him. He isn't taking anything that I am not willing to give. We have discussed the whole shag and shout situation and both of us esp me want to let that wait. I had forgotten how much fun everything else can be:D

My biggest problem is do I keep in gentle contact like the odd text asking how he is or do I make no contact until he wants to.
Bloody hell is there a guide book out there???:eek:

[teacherman]

No no it isn't good he is suffering as he has only split from his Gf a few months and he is on that rollercoaster.

i don't know if we are back on he rang me the other night and I was out so he asked me over to his house and he later dropped me home (much later,)



Hi Val
Even though he is on that rollercoaster he must think a lot about you. Think maybe your right on the softly softly approach.
Yes a gentle text message asking how is is would probably go down well.

Dont read too much into it if he doesnt respond straight away, He probably is all over the place at the moment (Been there, done that) and wont be sure how he is feeling.

Its very hard for us men to show are true feelings. We worry if we are getting things right. In my situation I worried if I was pushing things too soon, If I was doing the right thing, If I was doing things as I should be, If I was trying to be someone I am not. These are all the things that are probably going through his mind as well.

Got to say my "Girlfriend" was very patient and understood everything i had been through. She didnt expect daily contact to start with (Does now though) and things built up at a steady pace. Didnt take as long as I thought it would and I am sure this will be the same for you.

Once he sees you are prepared to be patient he will come around. If I am reading your posts correctly the signs are all there. Think maybe its a little bit of insecurty on his part.

We all know getting dumped/splitting up etc really takes some time to come to terms with.

Patience is a virtue young girl - Live for the moment and prepare for the future.

The wiseman spoketh.

Tim xx

[val100]

Gospel according to tartman.

thanks actually I really needed to hear that.
he has been so brutally honest and what you said about making contact just has me realxing as i type.

He does want to have a relationship with me I have absolutely now doubts about that and as for his GF he explained how he feels and my heart really went out to him.

he told me on thursday that for the first time (after we had spoken at length) he woke up with such a good feeling and had perspective.

I am guarded as you can imagine as I really don't want to be hurt I know i will fall for him and It isd like trying to scramble up the cliff, I know I am going to fall but am hoping he will fall with me.

I am so glad I met him no matter what happens, He has filled me with hope for my future.

going to leave him be and if it doesn't work then better now than in 12months.

Might bring my fish and rabbit over the next time I call round?????

[lonelylass]

Val!!

Oh Behave! - hold the pets, you don't want to scare the bloody life out of him! Save them for the get together!! LOL!

At least he is being honest with you, absolutely can't knock him for that, maybe he'll come your way in time, I really hope so, sounds like you are good for each other. Fingers crossed from me XX

LoLa x

[teacherman]

Gospel according to tartman.

thanks actually I really needed to hear that.
he has been so brutally honest and what you said about making contact just has me realxing as i type.

He does want to have a relationship with me I have absolutely now doubts about that and as for his GF he explained how he feels and my heart really went out to him.

he told me on thursday that for the first time (after we had spoken at length) he woke up with such a good feeling and had perspective.

I am guarded as you can imagine as I really don't want to be hurt I know i will fall for him and It isd like trying to scramble up the cliff, I know I am going to fall but am hoping he will fall with me.

I am so glad I met him no matter what happens, He has filled me with hope for my future.

going to leave him be and if it doesn't work then better now than in 12months.

Might bring my fish and rabbit over the next time I call round?????


Hey I am quite an inspirational person when I get going.
Only reason I said what I did was because it was exactly what I wanted to hear. I was scared when I met the GF of diving straight in again and she understood that. She treat me gently and slowly with just an odd text now and then such as "Hope your days ok etc", It soon made me realise that I had found someone who cared and look at me now.

I realised that it was time for me to move on and for want of a better word "Commit" to someone else other than my past love.

Now I have no doubts at all. This woman is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Yes I will always have doubts and "what if's" but I think that is only natural. These will fade in time and are doing on a daily basis.

Its the silly things that get me. Just been to Tesco's after my lesson to do some shopping. Used to think "What would the wife like" - Now think "What special thing can I buy to make new GF a nice meal etc.

Rack of lamb tomorrow with a nice bottle of Chablis.

Go for it Val - Dont have any regrets whatever happens - He is bringing some happiness into your life.

Here endeth the second lesson (it is a religous site after all)

Tim xx

P.S. Stop working so bloody hard

[val100]

Thanks tim,

I will slow down sadly though H isn't supporting me and I need the dosh. 3 pairs of new shoes needed in my H this week, Bills and rent all due.

I can give up and recieve more money sadly on benefits and am entitled to do this but A I hate having to put my hand out and B. it takes so long for the paperwork to be sorted we will be living on baked beans.

I have handed in my Notice but they are dragging their heals about it (long story).
I am going to get my Computer sorted at home and do up my Cv and go get a professional job I had hoped top put this off as I wanted a period of stress free working but I need to provide for the mini me's and they are worth it.

I am going to do that with NM.
Just maybe twice a week send him hope things are going well txt.
I took a bite of the apple and I am being greedy and impatient. self discipline is required.

would love a nice meal, make sure you have the mint sauce

[lonelylass]

Val,

Hope the mint sauce isn't going the same way as the fish n champagne, uh, perish the thought!

LoLa x

[val100]

OOooh nothing like a bit of mint served on the right dish.

It just adds that delicous coolness.

Surely we should be setting up our own forum for this kinda talk you guys lead me astray.
I am gong to get booted off and it will be all your fault.

I am grieving if you guys haven't noticed !!!!!!!!

[lonelylass]

Grieving for what though? Oh, the DCL's have gone flat, yes?:D

[teacherman]

Hi Val - I know you are greiving for me but I am sorry you had your chance you just took too long. (He He)

Read through the last few posts and some thought have struck me, maybe because its what I have done this weekend.

Its time to have an open and frank disscusion with your Nm, If your serious about him you need to tell him that, but, and theres always a but, you need to give him the time to work his head out. I have siad it before, a little gentle coaxing will work wonders.

I spent this weekend having the "Discussion". Yes everything seems to be going really well but there are still things in the back of my mind that I think about all the time. Its the What ifs that worry me.

"What if" its all goes wrong again - Will I be able to handle it second time around.
"What if" she doesnt feel about me as much as I feel about her.
"What if" my ex has a change of heart etc

Life is full of what ifs - You have got to go out there and grab the bull by the horn (Pun definately intended) and have some fun.

Forget the miserable gits on here complaing about lower moral code etc. Life is too short.

As for my what ifs - Sod em - I have spent the weekend discussing where I want to go, What I wnat to do and who I want to be with. Actually surprised when my new Girlfriend decided she wanted the same. This is starting to get very serious.

Houses etc are being mentioned, and do you know something, its not frightening me one little bit.

I am a changed man - It took some time - And it took the understanding of a good woman who was there for me when I needed her, but was also prepared to wait whilst I sorted out all of the crap (Get the message?)

As for the grieving - Send me your address - I will post some Everready's or Duracell's straight up. (He He)

Sorry for taking this thread on to a downer - I will be back happy and jovial after I have been for a haircut. Just hope it doesnt turn out like Samson and Deliliah and sap my strength - I have got a fun filled heavy weekend planned (Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Timbo

[val100]

Hey tim.

I am only in this a month and I have decided to let him go but not in a feck off you B way in a I am wishing you such happiness please find it in you to sort this out big kiss.

He knows How much I like him, I know how much he likes me but his what if is what if Ex wants me back.
I must leave him work it out. He knows where I am, He knows that I am a phonecall away and I know I will bump into him real soon.
He is in the pub everynight at the moment and I don't want that. I have decided that in a month if he is still drowning his sorrows I will step in.
I Have a history with his brother (he he small town) I will get him to help.
I am lucky really I know he will not be angry if I help him. I am really well liked and respected by this bunch of school friends and at the end of the day he was always a friend so I haven't lost anything.
So there it is he has his space but I must also look after me. I deleted is number as I have a problem if I get upset as I was last night I reach out for affimation so really I need to lean on my friends and family rather than having a man make me feel worth loving.
Hard time with H last night.
I am once again very confused by how he is acting but I am 100% sure i will not take him back or try to get him to take me back.
He is Hurting Tim and I just don't understand.
He loves me, He misses me, He wants his family but he wouldn't fix it and won't.
Now I know I said I don't want him anymore but 2 months ago I would have. He knew in December I woud do anything to fix it and he came home I treated him like a king I laid myself bare and took his punishment anger and hurt on the chin and all the time he was carrying on behind my back I forgave him and said that I understood etc. So here I am and I don't understand 2 hrs on the phone last night and he is broken all he wants and has ever wanted was this all he had to do was try and he wouldn't and now he has nothing and he still says I don't wat you but I hate my life without you.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
he is breaking my heart. Today he txt. Thank you despite the arguement it was so good to talk to you last night AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I am a shell today. The problem is am I being selfish, should i move back to the city so he can see his kids everyday, should I put my life aside as I am the one who broke our marriage, Oh feck I was so content.
I love him of course but I don't have that buzz anymore when I see him. (I did up until last month) I don't see my H I see someone cruel and lost.
He is my H for better or worse.
Oh I am not making any sense am I just end up so jumbed in my head.
It is over for me but am I allowed to say that???
The grieving was a joke.
Plenty of batteries thanks you guys are so kind to me lol

[teacherman]

Hi Val - Keep your chin up.

Your H sounds like he has big big issues. I tried to put myself in his position a little bit and came up with the following, I could be totally off
the mark so bear with me (its how I would feel)

He loves you (I still love my wife)
He cant trust you (Not sure I will ever trust my wife again even though we are divorced)
His ego and pride have been hurt ( Us men believe rightly or wrongly we are gods gift to Women. When things go wrong it seriously dents our pride and we start to question ourselves.)

We never believe that our partners would go behind our backs, even if we are the ones to mess around.

If he truly loves you and the kids and he wants to make things right then he will, but, the question is how long do you let things go on as they are.

For your own sanity you cannot be left dangling on a string hoping for some sort of reconcilliation. This is exactly what I did. I thought that my wife would see sense and I was getting the "We could work it out messages", that was untill I actually found out how long the affair had been going on.

You know my story, you know how hard I found it to come to terms with things and move on. Unfortunately that is what you are going to have to do. Move on.

I know you love him and I Know you want to be with him but can you spend the rest of you life waiting for something that may never happen. That was the situation I was rapidly getting into.

Now, fortunately, I have managed to ragain my own self respect and sanity and am rapidly coming out of the other side of the darkness.

I think about you all everyday and the problems you are going through, and I hioe you will all find the happiness I have.

Only advice I can give is, Keep smiling and keep your chin up. I have said it before, take some time out for you and dont work too hard. Regain your sanity and independance. Life will start ot take on a new meaning at some point and things will get better.

Love and big hugs as always.:):)

Tim

[val100]

Thanks tim.

I am grand it is just I havemoved on but my guilt and my desire to give my kids a nuclear family is my issue.

I don't want him I cannot go back to that again.
I am my wn person now, I am so happy being with me.
Of course we all want to be loved but I am happy enough to say that it may or may not happen for me but Iwill survive this.

It is his pain it kills me. I told him last night how he destroyed my soul over the last 15 years and he said well you got your revenge, I guess in a way I did.

god I understand his pride etc don't for one minute think i pass him off as being unjustified for being angry etc. What i did was hideous.
I can't say sorry anymore, but I will if I thought it would help him.

He has been for 2 weeks trying to put an email together for me telling me how e feels about me. He read some of it last night to me and then he sad it just isn't good enough yet I can't send it.
Problem is do I want him to send it???
I am letting this go now as I cannot work it out or fix it or him. Call me callous but I do not see anyway for me to help him.

Can we lighten this up again???

[teacherman]

Thought for the day.

A guinness a day turns your S**t black and makes you fat.

Light enough???

[val100]

OOOOOh that stinks.

[teacherman]

Try this one

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!"

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Our hero stands up defiantly and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

[teacherman]

Or this one - Npw I am being sexist

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
2. Introduction to Parking
3. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
4. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
5. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
6. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
7. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
8. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
9. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
10. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
11. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
12. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both


He He He :D:D:D

[val100]

You are looking to be booted off aren't you.
You are tres bold, this lady has a lot to answer for.

Girls I think we have released a monster.

HMMMM
all talk me thinks