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View Full Version : Some advice please Guys n Gals


lonelylass
26th March 2008, 06:19 PM
Hi All,

I'm after a bit of advice as something's bothering me.
I went to visit a group of friends over the weekend, I text them to make sure they were there and they said come on down. I was fine when I got there and we all ordered a pub lunch. While we were waiting my mate said to me you know H was at the AGM? I said no, she said well he was and sat with us all evening (he was alone) and they told him they wish to remain mutual and be friends with both of us. I said Oh.
Next was, has X told you that H text in the week and may come down today? I said NO! X then said he didn't tell me as he wanted to see me and didn't think I'd come. I said I wouldn't have! I was then on edge all afternoon waiting for him to turn up with her and what would I do if he did. As it got later, X says he won't turn up now as he's going to Spain tomorrow, I said What? Oh didn't you know, was the reply.
My problem is this, this group of friends H never wanted to associate with in recent years and we basically got cut off from them, though I have been in phone contact with them before and after we split. I really enjoyed their company, but went along with H's wishes. It seems to me now that he is 'weedling' his way back in as if for reassurance to what he has done to me and potentially bringing her along.
I am hurt by this and I can't put my finger on it, it's almost as if I feel I can no longer trust them if you know what I mean but really want to keep them as friends?
What happens if in the future he turns up with her in tow?
Could really do with some wise words here and not sure I could cope, almost as if they are justifying his behavior if you know what I mean?


Now another bother. Last night I went up the pub to play pool, I rang my neighour to see if he was going and walked up with him. It turns out they had a full team, so I just socialised for the most part with their GFs and managed to get a couple of games in at the end of the night. My neighbour (65) walked me home and we chatted about how things are changing in the street, death, divorce, moves etc. When we got back to his house he just turned round and said out of the blue, well this is where you invite me to yours for a coffee and while you put the kettle on I slip your jeans down!! I laughed and said well you can have a coffee and that's it!!
He came in and while I was making the drinks he pulled me into him and kept pecking me on the lips, I said No, don't want this don't ruin a good friendship, he said no? I said no and pulled myself away and hurridly let the dogs in. OMG!! I am horrified! I went to another neighbour whos lights were still on and she was shocked and thought it was amusing, 'typical man' was their comment, advise being to laugh it off next time I see him. How can I? I feel mortified. I can give as good as I get banter wise but I did nothing to warrant this, I am stunned. :eek::eek::eek::eek: | IP: Logged (http://www.deardenise.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_ip&f=20&t=000293&reply_num=000041)

Alice Alice
26th March 2008, 06:40 PM
Lola that guy who got all fresh with you needs a kick on the butt!
He could tell you needed a friend and he crossed the line as the perv that he is...not a real friend.

As for the group of friends you have keep it light with them
They don't have the whole story with what happened while you were with your H.

i would get a bit bothered with the way they are doing things your not in the loop it seems (for now) find someone in the group that will be a better friend.

Its good to have friends i bet you can find other friends in the pub that will keep you feeling happy withOUT having surprise visits from him
wish i was there to hang with you :)

justme&bailey
26th March 2008, 08:15 PM
Hi Lola,

Omg he was going to surprise you!!! surely not with her..tell me she wasnt going to be there????

And as for that neighbour i agree with Alice he needs a kick in the butt!!! perv..i hate that men think that your desperate and can tale advantage!!

Omg im shocked!

Love
Mia

kyalan
27th March 2008, 09:44 AM
wow!

i'm in a similar situation where we have "mutual" friends, but they were her friends first, so they've naturally sided with her since we've been having problems - however, they've all said they want to remian friends with me.....and like your friends, they seem to know everything about what my W is doing before I do and yeah I get the same response "oh, didn't you know?" - no I didn't!
I'd like to remain friends, but I can't help feeling that they are against me....as soon as I leave their company, they ring my W to tell her what I said...even if I haven't said anything about her directly, they seem to stir it up a little bit. So I've come to the conclusion, do I need these type of "mutual" friends? And I think the answer is no..

I think the neighbour see's you as vulnerable and I think he's trying to take advantage of you.
Tell him straight - he's a pervy old man who stepped over the line

Take care
Kyalan

kyalan
27th March 2008, 12:55 PM
we should all start a facebook group "hands up who's partner f*cked them over"

look out for the group! :D

Kyalan

Alice Alice
27th March 2008, 04:59 PM
Kyalan thats good..what about using a different name
something more positive so we don't look like suckers

val100
27th March 2008, 05:52 PM
Bugger I can't be part of that facebook group no fair. I feel like the vampire turned good in buffy LOL.
Billy you opportunist you.
Lola he is a Dick. You have two choices never give him the time of day again or bring a very cold spoon the next time.

I cut off all our mutual friends bar one or two. I got sick of him constantly being the victim and of him lying about how he attacked me. I quote "sure no one could blame you for giving her a slap, you were so upset" he left out the sexual attack bit. I ain't ashamed anymore look I can type it.
Loyal friends can remain friends with both but usually I see that the one who stays the closes is actually hoping to bed him anyway. Time to pull your own friends closer and keep mutual friends at a distance and no info ever.
Divorce seperates everything not just the marriage nobody relises that until it happens.
My skin is crawling from your perv

lonelylass
27th March 2008, 07:41 PM
Thanks Guys,

Food for thought there with the firends senario, will try and see them but mention no details, it wouldn't be too often anyway. My H is a two-faced worm over this, he wanted nothing to do with them which is why I feel I'll persist as it is a club (offroad driving) I love and when I went Monday I marshalled and thoroughly enjoyed offroad driving again and don't see why I should give it up for him. I think I'll put some slap on, skin tight jeans and wellies :Dand look good incase the worm does turn up. It may be he knows I was there already and will stay away. I'm sure his wine swigging tart wouldn't grace the mud!!

As for the old man, well, I'm 37 for gods sake, I mentioned it last night to another couple of neighbours and they were stunned, I feel sick about the whole thing. Saw him up the street today twice but thankfully he ignored me as I don't want to speak to him, feel insulted and somewhat violated.

Billyboy, you made me laugh, thanks.

LoLa x

val100
28th March 2008, 12:07 PM
Oldies !!!

I am 34 in 2 weeks.

teacherman
28th March 2008, 04:11 PM
Bloody youngsters all over the place

Wait till you get to my age - Mind you it can still be fun.

val100
28th March 2008, 04:18 PM
Us kids like to have fun

Watching the oldies trying to keep up LOL

teacherman
28th March 2008, 04:20 PM
Is that trying to keep up or trying to KEEP IT up? Lol

I didnt start this................

val100
28th March 2008, 04:24 PM
WE will be banned from this site soon.
Trying to keep up trust me no problems in the other wink wink

lonelylass
28th March 2008, 09:10 PM
Oh, the tart's off again, should've gone to specsavers!!:D