trying but stuck

[bagel]

I posted a note back in mid Feb about my husband's affair which I discovered on Valentines day (how romantic). He said at the time he was willing to go for a month's trial to see how we got on and the other woman, graciously or otherwise backed off as in her words she wanted him to be a good husband and father, but then he discovered 2 days later that she had told a mutual friend that she had regretted the decision.

However a week later he retracted the statement and said he still didn't know what he wanted to do and so we have been living in limbo ever since. I have tried very hard not to nag at him or bring up either the affair or his unwillingness to make a decision but obviously this has proved hard and at times has happened. We are still living to all intents and purposes as husband and wife and I mean all! but although we agreed to sit down on the 29th and make a decision some weeks ago he has not mentioned this since and has even arranged to visit his mother on the said date. Am I being foolish, should I force him to make a decision (he hasn't seen or spoken to her since the affair came out)? or should I give him as much time as he needs to clear his head and make the right not the quickest choice?

[lonelylass]

Hi Bagel,

Tricky one, I would ask yourself what do you want, never mind him! Do you wish to carry on in limbo, avoiding saying what is on your mind for fear of upsetting him?

I think you need to take the bull by the horns and get an answer out of him one way or another, he has had ample time to think about things, now I would start taking control here as Limbo land is not a nice place to be.

You need to decide if you wish to carry on like this. If you do manage to sit down and talk to him, be prepared for answers that may hurt you though, that I would say. Sometimes the truth hurts like hell, but lies are even more painful with the deceipt that comes with them. YOU set a date/deadline, may shock him into doing something for someone other than himself.

LoLa x

[Raymond]

Lonely Lass is right. It is no marriage with your husband hankering after someone else. It is a betrayal of his vows and an awful thing to do. Try and get it sorted quick. You don't give rope for someone to carry on outside the marriage. That is extreme disrespect to you. It is not something you can be passive about I am afraid.

Raymond