cpkirby
22nd March 2008, 01:48 AM
I hope that someone out there can help me. I am sorry that this is so long.
I am to be marired in the fall.
I am not too sure how it will work.
We have been together for eight years, living together for five. We have no children. Own a house together and have a dog. Seems llike a good start to the family that I always wanted for myself.
The funny thing is, that I actually believed that when he proposed that things were going to just "get better". Maybe if he wanted to marry me he would want to do the simple things that couples do together, like groccery shopping, walking the dog together, and maybe even planning the wedding. The wedding is 6 months away and I could not be further from what what I want for a life. We never talk. I ask "How was your day?" and everyday I get the same response. The must simple and vague response possible. "Fine".
Other times when I ask for his opinion I get these weird single sound noises back. They are more like grunts than anything. Amazingly, I have learn to understand what the grunts mean depending on the pitch. Far from the deep and meaningfull conversations that you dream of having with your soulmate.
The other days, which sadly happen too often, he tears me apart. And all I do is cry. Most of our fights happen because I say no to sex. Then it's on. The most horrible things that you can call a woman are the words that I hear weekly. From the man I am about to marry. This includes name calling, swearing, insultes to my family and even putting down my body.. why should I want to be intimate with someone that makes fun of how I look naked?
I am supposed to be stronger than this.
I cannot find the words to express to him how hurtful he is.
Sometimes I work up to it. Half a sentence in he says that I am just "bitching" and he doesn't want to hear it. And again... I have to hold in the pain and the tears and just suck it up and be sure that I am doing doing everything in my power to make him happy, even if it means that I am crying while we are having sex (and hiding my face so that he cannot see the tears cuz he'd probably get mad) because he has forced that I wear some sort of sexy get-up that makes me look like a porn star. I hate the fact that I ever once tried to look nice for him. Now he expects it.
I am really wanting this to work. When it's good, it's really good. But when it's bad.. well... I don't think I can handle any more of the bad.
Please give me the words so that he will want to listen so that I can tell him how much he is hurting me. He has a kind heart for the most part and I really want to believe that he will not say these hurtful things once he knows how much they really do hurt.
PS - Is it true that men are so simple as I read in books? Is it really true that if I give in to his "needs" (mostly food and sex) that he will be willing to give in to mine (coming groccery shopping with me and asking about my day?
I am to be marired in the fall.
I am not too sure how it will work.
We have been together for eight years, living together for five. We have no children. Own a house together and have a dog. Seems llike a good start to the family that I always wanted for myself.
The funny thing is, that I actually believed that when he proposed that things were going to just "get better". Maybe if he wanted to marry me he would want to do the simple things that couples do together, like groccery shopping, walking the dog together, and maybe even planning the wedding. The wedding is 6 months away and I could not be further from what what I want for a life. We never talk. I ask "How was your day?" and everyday I get the same response. The must simple and vague response possible. "Fine".
Other times when I ask for his opinion I get these weird single sound noises back. They are more like grunts than anything. Amazingly, I have learn to understand what the grunts mean depending on the pitch. Far from the deep and meaningfull conversations that you dream of having with your soulmate.
The other days, which sadly happen too often, he tears me apart. And all I do is cry. Most of our fights happen because I say no to sex. Then it's on. The most horrible things that you can call a woman are the words that I hear weekly. From the man I am about to marry. This includes name calling, swearing, insultes to my family and even putting down my body.. why should I want to be intimate with someone that makes fun of how I look naked?
I am supposed to be stronger than this.
I cannot find the words to express to him how hurtful he is.
Sometimes I work up to it. Half a sentence in he says that I am just "bitching" and he doesn't want to hear it. And again... I have to hold in the pain and the tears and just suck it up and be sure that I am doing doing everything in my power to make him happy, even if it means that I am crying while we are having sex (and hiding my face so that he cannot see the tears cuz he'd probably get mad) because he has forced that I wear some sort of sexy get-up that makes me look like a porn star. I hate the fact that I ever once tried to look nice for him. Now he expects it.
I am really wanting this to work. When it's good, it's really good. But when it's bad.. well... I don't think I can handle any more of the bad.
Please give me the words so that he will want to listen so that I can tell him how much he is hurting me. He has a kind heart for the most part and I really want to believe that he will not say these hurtful things once he knows how much they really do hurt.
PS - Is it true that men are so simple as I read in books? Is it really true that if I give in to his "needs" (mostly food and sex) that he will be willing to give in to mine (coming groccery shopping with me and asking about my day?