how does it work

[val100]

Hi guys thought I would put up a thread and get some feed back.
My sister heard a great line on the telly. It was a woman (catherine tate) saying, ' I don't kiss and tell I shag and shout'

So if you really like this person and you want it to work out in someway how soon before one is alllowed to start shouting.
Knowing him as long as I do makes it really difficult, I am not in any hurry (yeah right) no seriously but it is on my mind, I want to establish a relationship but the problem is we already kinda have one and we definitely have respect, of course we don't have love. Should I wait till my divorce comes through and then when we marry (that would be in and around 5 to ten years, murder would have been quicker). Do we just wait or do we just see what happens. Obviously I am not going to take anything you say on board and hopefuly it wil be bodice ripping stuff by tomorow haha:cool:. No I know inevitably we end up going at whatever pace we are comfortable with.

I am seriously fussing about messing it up though, I am never like this, I am smitten and we haven't even kissed:o.
No his biggest mistake is he kinda leaves me hanging but I accept it because he is really busy (Self employed) and he has a daughter that must come no. one on his priorities, (my words not his). He does contact me everyday and has appologised for cancelling plans , I had no problem with this and he text me for the night promising he would make it up to me. I guess I have huge issues with trust and I am scared of being lead up the garden path. He was always a lovely guy and I don't believe he is but that little voice inside me is saying he is just using you. Not that he has got anything from me.

I am not good anymore with not knowing, I want to know what we are doing and when we are doing it, I have put such structures in my life since my H and I split last year and I suppose he being A, a guy and B, very busy and C, single for about a yr. He doesn't see there being any issue. I said it to my sister and she laughed and told me to relax, She said he wouldn't be apologising if he wasn't interested.

Feck when did this get so difficult, remember when we were 16 and we would just see them every friday night.:confused:

Tim Please do not reply with 'get them off you now':eek:, can't explain this I am like a school girl.
and yes I am giggling right now:D

[tia1500]

Hi Val
Glad all going slowly
I think when time is right you will not even think of half the thing you are worrying about. It will happen when your both ready. If he was leading you up path i dont think he would be texting
You go for it girl you deserve it

[Alice Alice]

Good News!
remember you have it in you (your happiness) he is the spark that lights it up :D

i also worry if you rush this you might ruin a beautiful thing...give yourself time to heal

he is busy with his business you are busy with you

he sounds perfect!
i'm so happy you found a good man!!

TimTartMan, You, ...who's next?
spring has come early it seems

i saw a funny thing on TV yesterday
people were boinking on the streets
you know those jumping pogo sticks children have
well it was updated for adults
and they renamed it boink
the news people were all red and laughing

Any way Val hold off on the boinking LOL
you can do it i have for 3 years now LOL

[teacherman]

Val - i wont tell you to just get em off thats not my style (yeah right)
what i will say is that you will know when you know if you get my drift - I did.
If you dont want to rush - dont rush, hes is obviously really keen and yes he probably is busy.

When the time is right you will know in your heart what to do - Look at me - I rushed into the first relationshp and I just wasnt ready AND it didnt feel right. This one is so different.

Tim the tart is proud to announce that he thinks hes falling in love. Sounds so stupid after such a short time but it just feels right for the both of us. I yearn to be with her and the couple of days apart has only served to bring us closer together. Its not a sex thing honest cos thats the farthest thing from my mind I dont want something like that to spoil what we have got and built up.

All I know is that it just feels right. Its obvious you will have doubts just like I had, Yo have been badly hurt in the past and despite how strong we think we are, that takes some getting over. I worried about getting hurt a second time round but now I believe life is to short for doubts.

As I have said before - getting over that first hurdle is the hardest part Once you have done that then the ride (he he) can be realy enjoyable.

God I am getting so philosophical in my old age.
Go for it girl and enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Tim

[lonelylass]

AAwwww, our Tim's in love - FANTASTIC NEWS!!:D

Val,

I would like to add a cautious prospective, a couple of ladies I know have been through this changing plans/constant texts senario and it turned out there was (as Diana once said) three people in this relationship.

Like you, I have a background mistrust of men at the moment, but my advice to you would be play it cool, let him do the chasing and take it from there. I would like to say gut instincts are usually right, but they can be wrong too, just enjoy it for what it is at the moment and try not to fall too deep too soon.

Good on you Gal! LoLa x

[val100]

There is another woman, his daughter.
He didn't let her stay last night as we had made plans. I was touched as I had told him that I would slot in whenever, that his daughter is way too important. I have 4 kids so I need him to be just as accepting.

Anyway the night before I had heard very little that was why it was giving me the OH no feeling. I didn't say anything to him but when he called over he said I am sorry for not talking with you last Night, He told me he met an old friend who he had worked with and they went for a drink and it went into a session. I know it is true as he was seen.

He stayed over, all was fine and very respectful, we talked and laughed and fell asleep holding each other. Woke up holding hands.

We both had work this morning early and so we said good bye, nobody trying to dash out the door. We are seeing each other over the weekend. I didn't make plans like I would usually, I just thought, roll with it Noodle.
Who knows what will happen. i am just going to enjoy the attention and having the comfort of those arms.

So guys and girls my bodice is still intact but for how long. i am not shouting but am talking a little louder than I have over the last few weeks.

Alice 3 years is too long thinking about it and I am sorry but I see it as a form of neglect and abuse on your H's part. I must re read your thread because i shouldn't commen. Alice Sex isn't the b all and end all but in a marriage it is vitally important, different if he was unwell etc.
I think it is cruel and I think you are amazing that you haven't left. I wouldn't be as patient.
I think you are astounding.

[teacherman]

Hey Val
Dont just talk louder, shout it from the roof tops.
Maybe your not as far on as I am yet but trust me when you get there you will want to tell the whole dam world.

Know what you mean about just falling asleep in someone elses arms. Got to admit that this has been the nicest feeling I have had. Its not a sex thing, as I have said before that not what this is all about, but just waking up at the side of someone knowing they feel about you the way you feel about them is truly amazing.

A song keeps coming into my head "Second time around - Shalamar" now I am showing my age, and its true you can find things second time around.

Yes I am shouting
Yes I want you all to know

I TRULY LOVE THIS WOMAN

Tim

[val100]

Love is a very strong word I am very far from that place and not in any hurry to get there. I loved with all my heart before, I gave it all. This time I want to gradually love him or whoever it will be. Like you we have known each other for years so there is this huge sense of comfort even though we are uncomfortable in that really lovely awkward way.
He likes animals and kids he believes in working hard, I think I intimidate him a little. I am kinda successful and strong, educated and I speak with a really posh accent. I can't help it I was brought up in a really posh part of our area and then moved to Ireland and never lost the accent. He seems to feel not good enough he is really worried that my family will put me off him. My family think anybody who works hard is a decent person.
Need to get him out of the pub though. He would go for a pint most evenings rural ireland and he has no one to go home to so it was company. Hoping he might cut down and see me instead.

I laughed because you know the thread what they are really saying, well I said to him last night.
'Honestly It is your life I don't mind what you do,' but in my head I was saying ' the pub nightly has to stop you barely smoke so you will be giving them up and lets join a gym' I swear that was what I was thinking.
I feel really guilty in a humourous way

[Alice Alice]

Dear Val

its so good you have this wonderful man enter your life you deserve all the goodness life brings you :)

i believe taking things slow is very important...but 3 years is not healthy at all i was joking making fun of my situation...i was laughing at myself i can do that.

keep smiling that's what i say

hope your weekend was fun filled as i suspect;)

[val100]

I laughed I cried I felt passion I felt safe and comfortable, I had a quiver if you get my drift. Decided sex will wait for the future and somewhere and sometime special. I like this man.

Got to take it slow he is an injured puppy but he builds magnificent houses, This one over looks the river. Divine!! Will I just marry him???????

Joke

[Alice Alice]

He sounds like a keeper
maybe he spends alot of time away because he is a successful man
and his other relationship had these kind of issues

learn and see what you can do to have these problems not become yours and his too

this man sounds like the perfect guy...good on you :)

i don't want to sound to mother hen like so i will stop. :D

[val100]

Nah their problems were different and not my concern. I know her she is a nice girl. Sometimes people just aren't suited.
I need to get him out of the pub!!!

Bloody rural Ireland it is the pits. He isn't an alcoholic thank god but he is on the just got my freedom buzz and because he isn't allowed to mine when my kids are there he heads for a pint.

He is very very deep too. He most definitely is a keeper, I would want for nothing and he is very much into having a good life with plenty of quality time and things, I just need to be careful and not get too involved just yet.

I told him my story some of it has really upset him. The affair, he was shocked but said it didn't matter but absolutely no contact with your man. If he contacts me new man wants his number (I like it).

It is all good i am just cautious.

Mother Hen suits you

[Alice Alice]

Your a stong minded lady, very Irish of you.

Don't get into the i need to change him ie the pub
has he always been a bar fly?
or is it just a new thing for him...if so you will have luck getting him out of it.

your smart for taking things slow
the fact he want to protect you is so so good to know..i bet you just want to throw your arms around him like he is a prince out to save you from the mean troll of a husband...
ok i went a bit nutty there.

i'm signing off from the hen house, there is a fine looking Rooster eye balling me....

[tia1500]

Val
just to say a big THANKYOU

[val100]

Tia it has been an absolute pleasure but rememeber You have done it all I just listened and told you how it was for me. Your husband is a god man you two are going to have a fantastic life together. Can I please come to the renewing of your vows.

You are a beautiful woman never ever think any differently.
I am smiling for you