gregoire73
20th March 2008, 03:54 PM
Hi there
I’m new to these forums as my wife left me to go to her mums last Friday (14th) citing she did not love me any more. This is LONG, so apologies for that – just needs context.
Let me give you a bit of background. I never had a great deal of success with women during my 20’s. There were brief flings but no lasting relationships. I was out and about quite a lot but was never very good at small talk in bars and clubs to get talking to women and never had the confidence to go over and make the first move. I can be fairly sociable and am reasonably ok looking but most women I met wanted me as a ‘friend’.
So in 2002 at the age of 29, I tried my luck at Internet dating. After a few months I came into contact with Liz, 6 years my junior (age 23), who was to be my future wife. I really felt this was the first girl I could really relate to and we must have emailed and texted at least a thousand times before we met which was about 10 days after striking up our first online conversation.
We were a couple right from the start. I was absolutely sure this is what I’d been waiting for all my life Within a couple of months we had moved in together, we were constantly doing things together, times were very exciting, had some great holidays and trips away and we instantly became soulmates and were very much in love. The first year, we lived in a one bedroom apartment but had everything we needed and life was wonderful.
On our one year anniversary, on a weekend in Bruges in late 2003, I proposed and she said yes. And at around this time, we moved into a rented house together and things were going well. A few months later, we decided we wanted a house of our own and by the following summer (2004) we had bought our first house. Things were good despite at this stage, the initial excitement of our relationship subsiding which I assumed was natural. The next few months were taken up with decorating, buying furniture, etc.. everything we got was a joint decision and we spent most of our spare time together. By early 2005, we atarted planning the wedding in which Liz took the lead role.
With hindsight, the first cracks appeared in summer 2005. By this stage, a fault line had appeared with Liz often failing to support me or back me up in situations and me getting increasingly aggressive with things like other drivers on the road and noisy neighbours. Arguments seemed to increase but were solved quickly and had no concerns about anything. Our sex life had somewhat decreased from the heady early days to around once a month – Liz complained about a low sex drive which she attributed to the contraceptive pill. However, all was still good and we were both looking forward to our wedding in July 2006.
That day came and was wonderful apart from me getting involved in an argument with a bridesmaid over the choice of music the DJ was playing and she stormed out which made Liz cry – a bit of s scene at the end of the night. We had a great honeymoon but only had sex the single time.
Life went on as before on our return until September when I commenced a Masters Degree that took up a lot of my time. In December, we purchased a puppy which was very demanding. Xmas was a non-event and the first few months of 2007 were difficult and stressful – a situation exacerbated by Liz falling out with my mother. We had a great holiday in Greece in July and both commenced new jobs. In the months of September and October, I noticed a serious change in Liz’s attitude and behaviour. We constantly argued – common problems were Liz’s lack of tidiness, failing to support me and her extremely close relationship with her mother. I admit instigating many of the arguments in which I asked if she still loved me a couple of times.
In November 2007 I asked again if she loved me and she said she wasn’t sure. This threw everything into the air. The penny dropped and I was convinced that this was due to our arguments and my verbally aggressive behaviour. I was very keen to try but Liz was of the option ‘we’ll see how it goes’. By Xmas we were arguing again and felt Liz was not trying to contribute anything to our marriage. By this stage, we had not had sex for months. January was miserable and Liz took any excuse to spend the weekend with her family. In February, we agreed to give it a go again.. Liz passed her driving test late last year and I bought a car for her.
However, the weekend before last it broke – Liz left a sweet box on the kitchen unit that I asked if she could put elsewhere.. she retorted ‘it’s my house too’… to which I let rip insulting her and her family... she ignored everything which made me more angry We had further arguments over the weeknd which completely destabilised us again.
We lumbered through last week until Thursday we had a chat in which Liz broke down – the first time in all our recent trouble Liz showed emotion – I have being crying on and off for months… I admit I am quite an emotional person. On Friday we were emailing from work and she said she couldn’t face coming home and would stay at her mums and be back tomorrow. Saturday came and during the course of the day it was becoming clear she wasn’t coming home. She came on Sunday whilst I was out to collect some clothes and essentials.
Since then I have been in turmoil. I never thought it would hit me as bad as it has. By Sunday evening I was hysterical and have been in and out of work all week… I’ve been crying to my mum, friends.. spoke to a doctor, rang Samaritans at 5.30 am.. I have barely slept.
The problem is I still dearly love her. We have been communicating via text and email all week and she has made it clear that she tried to stop it but she simply does not love me anymore. She said it had been deteriorating for some time, possibly since the wedding. She has seen the state I’m in but refuses to come back. I know I played a big part in destroying her love for me. I cannot see a way through this. Everywhere I look in the house from the painting on the lounge wall, to the smell of her perfume still lingering to the cd collection holds so many good memories and I break down every time I see something. I reminisce about the wonderful years we spent together and wonder why it went so horribly wrong. I was always convinced she was the only girl for me and we would spend the rest of our days together – our marriage lasted 20 months. I am seeking counselling but have to wait for a while for availability. I cannot come to terms with my loss, people say I’ll get over it but the prospect of spending the rest of my life lonely is very bleak. We never spent more than a couple of nights away from one another and the six days since she went have felt an eternity. I have lost my best friend as well as my life.
On top of this, I am in the middle of a very busy period on my Masters which involves me working on coursework every weekend – I can barely string two thoughts together right now.
I apologise if you think it is melodramatic but I just need people’s advice.. I will try anything to help move me on from this.
Thank you in advance for any comments.
I’m new to these forums as my wife left me to go to her mums last Friday (14th) citing she did not love me any more. This is LONG, so apologies for that – just needs context.
Let me give you a bit of background. I never had a great deal of success with women during my 20’s. There were brief flings but no lasting relationships. I was out and about quite a lot but was never very good at small talk in bars and clubs to get talking to women and never had the confidence to go over and make the first move. I can be fairly sociable and am reasonably ok looking but most women I met wanted me as a ‘friend’.
So in 2002 at the age of 29, I tried my luck at Internet dating. After a few months I came into contact with Liz, 6 years my junior (age 23), who was to be my future wife. I really felt this was the first girl I could really relate to and we must have emailed and texted at least a thousand times before we met which was about 10 days after striking up our first online conversation.
We were a couple right from the start. I was absolutely sure this is what I’d been waiting for all my life Within a couple of months we had moved in together, we were constantly doing things together, times were very exciting, had some great holidays and trips away and we instantly became soulmates and were very much in love. The first year, we lived in a one bedroom apartment but had everything we needed and life was wonderful.
On our one year anniversary, on a weekend in Bruges in late 2003, I proposed and she said yes. And at around this time, we moved into a rented house together and things were going well. A few months later, we decided we wanted a house of our own and by the following summer (2004) we had bought our first house. Things were good despite at this stage, the initial excitement of our relationship subsiding which I assumed was natural. The next few months were taken up with decorating, buying furniture, etc.. everything we got was a joint decision and we spent most of our spare time together. By early 2005, we atarted planning the wedding in which Liz took the lead role.
With hindsight, the first cracks appeared in summer 2005. By this stage, a fault line had appeared with Liz often failing to support me or back me up in situations and me getting increasingly aggressive with things like other drivers on the road and noisy neighbours. Arguments seemed to increase but were solved quickly and had no concerns about anything. Our sex life had somewhat decreased from the heady early days to around once a month – Liz complained about a low sex drive which she attributed to the contraceptive pill. However, all was still good and we were both looking forward to our wedding in July 2006.
That day came and was wonderful apart from me getting involved in an argument with a bridesmaid over the choice of music the DJ was playing and she stormed out which made Liz cry – a bit of s scene at the end of the night. We had a great honeymoon but only had sex the single time.
Life went on as before on our return until September when I commenced a Masters Degree that took up a lot of my time. In December, we purchased a puppy which was very demanding. Xmas was a non-event and the first few months of 2007 were difficult and stressful – a situation exacerbated by Liz falling out with my mother. We had a great holiday in Greece in July and both commenced new jobs. In the months of September and October, I noticed a serious change in Liz’s attitude and behaviour. We constantly argued – common problems were Liz’s lack of tidiness, failing to support me and her extremely close relationship with her mother. I admit instigating many of the arguments in which I asked if she still loved me a couple of times.
In November 2007 I asked again if she loved me and she said she wasn’t sure. This threw everything into the air. The penny dropped and I was convinced that this was due to our arguments and my verbally aggressive behaviour. I was very keen to try but Liz was of the option ‘we’ll see how it goes’. By Xmas we were arguing again and felt Liz was not trying to contribute anything to our marriage. By this stage, we had not had sex for months. January was miserable and Liz took any excuse to spend the weekend with her family. In February, we agreed to give it a go again.. Liz passed her driving test late last year and I bought a car for her.
However, the weekend before last it broke – Liz left a sweet box on the kitchen unit that I asked if she could put elsewhere.. she retorted ‘it’s my house too’… to which I let rip insulting her and her family... she ignored everything which made me more angry We had further arguments over the weeknd which completely destabilised us again.
We lumbered through last week until Thursday we had a chat in which Liz broke down – the first time in all our recent trouble Liz showed emotion – I have being crying on and off for months… I admit I am quite an emotional person. On Friday we were emailing from work and she said she couldn’t face coming home and would stay at her mums and be back tomorrow. Saturday came and during the course of the day it was becoming clear she wasn’t coming home. She came on Sunday whilst I was out to collect some clothes and essentials.
Since then I have been in turmoil. I never thought it would hit me as bad as it has. By Sunday evening I was hysterical and have been in and out of work all week… I’ve been crying to my mum, friends.. spoke to a doctor, rang Samaritans at 5.30 am.. I have barely slept.
The problem is I still dearly love her. We have been communicating via text and email all week and she has made it clear that she tried to stop it but she simply does not love me anymore. She said it had been deteriorating for some time, possibly since the wedding. She has seen the state I’m in but refuses to come back. I know I played a big part in destroying her love for me. I cannot see a way through this. Everywhere I look in the house from the painting on the lounge wall, to the smell of her perfume still lingering to the cd collection holds so many good memories and I break down every time I see something. I reminisce about the wonderful years we spent together and wonder why it went so horribly wrong. I was always convinced she was the only girl for me and we would spend the rest of our days together – our marriage lasted 20 months. I am seeking counselling but have to wait for a while for availability. I cannot come to terms with my loss, people say I’ll get over it but the prospect of spending the rest of my life lonely is very bleak. We never spent more than a couple of nights away from one another and the six days since she went have felt an eternity. I have lost my best friend as well as my life.
On top of this, I am in the middle of a very busy period on my Masters which involves me working on coursework every weekend – I can barely string two thoughts together right now.
I apologise if you think it is melodramatic but I just need people’s advice.. I will try anything to help move me on from this.
Thank you in advance for any comments.