selfish

[Coffeebean]

I feel so awful. My poor sister has had such a shock over the last 24 hours. Her husband sent her a text saying he had had enough and was going away to think. He came back today and said the marriage is not working and he wants a divorce. She is now back with mum and starting the process that many will know and understand.

I have tried to be there for my sister. Support her through this and give her all the love and help I can. I have suggested she write on here but its not really her thing. A shame really cause I think you guys could all help her so much.

Now here's the selfish part. I'm ashamed to say that whereas I am being as much of a support as I can a part of me can only think thank god its not me. As you know my h and I had issues last year but got through them and now are solid with our little girl and i feel so selfish and self centered for, whilst helping nis through this I am thinking its not me thank god.

I just had to share this as I do feel awful for such selfishness. I would NEVER tell her or my family its just too mean.

Now you can yell and call me names as much as you like I know I deserve it.

Also please pray my sister through this. She is heartbroken.

[nik1h]

CB

Why is that selfish?

You had your sh*t last year and came through it. Of course you are glad its not you.

Maybe your sis will be saved too. Who knows. Give her the best support you can but its human nature to thing 'thank god its not me'.


Take care


Nick

[Coffeebean]

Thanks so much for that nick. I feel so much better for that. Unfortunately my poor sister was told today that he definately wanted a divorce. She is now back with my mum. I just feel so sorry for her. I wish there was something I could do to help her through it.

It was all over so quickly.

He did the whole I love you but am not in love with you anymore. I have never seem a marriage actually break up before. I was always in it either when they were married or divorced not when the break up was going through. It is so hard to watch.

I got her a bag of chocolate (she eats it by the gallon!) and she cried. I just wish I could take her pain away from her.

[Alice Alice]

Coffeebean you are so shellfish mmmmmi like lobsters

seriously your being very very truthful but i'm sure you heart goes out to her

no more chocolate she will gain weight then get feeling worse
google foods for stress,,,,good advice i will do that for myself!

Happy Saint Patrick's

[teacherman]

Coffeebean - dont beat yourself up.

Its human nature to be protective of oneself and thank your lucky stars its not you.
Like me you have had your bad times as well, you know what its like and you would have had friends supporting you. They would also have been thinking thank god thats not me.

Only thing you can do is to be there for you sister. Help her when she crumbles, as she surely will (been there done that bought the T shirt etc.) Give her a shoulder to cry on, make time for her if you can but dont forget you still have your own relationship to worry about.

Try and get her to this site and let her read some of the threads on here. She will see that she's not alone and will get loads of support from people/friends on here. At the end of the day we can all be as anonymous as we wish to be so there is no pressure.

Let her read my thread - Sound very much like you sisters situation but in reverse. I got the I love you but not in love with you speech just before the bombshell.

6/8 months down the line I am happy again. Someone on this site once told me that things happen for a reason and that God has a plan for us all. I am not a religous person in the slightest but I must admit that his plans for me seem to be working out at the moment.

There is life out there once she gets over the turmoil and also there is hope of salvage if both of them can address the issues and work at things together.

As I said just be there for her when you can. I wish my brother could have been there for me during my troubles, fortunately have have a great mate who was more like my brother and give me the support i needed. Thats what its all about - Support - you cant fix her problems, all you can do is be there for her and help her when she needs it.

Hope this makes sense

Tim

[Coffeebean]

thank you for this. Tim its good of you to help me and give such brilliant advice especially when your so preoccupied with other things :) ;)

I spent an hour and a half listening to her talk today. Thank you all for not calling me a hundred different names for my thoughts.

She has actually stopped eating. Didn't eat the chocolate just cried over it (what a waste). Alice I love the idea of looking for stress releved foods. I will do that.

I'm sorry your brother couldn't have helped you Tim. But you sound so happy and on top form it makes me smile everytime I read it. I have tried to encourage s onto this site but she's not having it so I simply advice her as others advice on this site and it seems to be working.

its been a hard day but I gave my daughter to comfort my mother and I went upstairs and comforted my sister. Been very emotional!!

Glad you have found happiness Tim and thank you tim nick and alice for helping me be a help maybe between us all we'll get her through this?

[val100]

The selfish bit could be that you are upset that the chocolate was wasted, Sorry but that made me laugh.

You are not being selfish thank god it isn't you going through this, that doesn't mean you want your sister to go through it.
Coffebean do you ever think you are being hard on yourself?
i will buy you some chocolate just please eat it LOL