confused

[Debz]

I have been married for four years and recently discovered my husband has been having an affair for 5 weeks with a girl at work. I say 'girl' as she is only 21 and my husband is 51. I discovered a mobile phone his mate had bought for him, in his pocket one day, that i knew nothing of. I threw him out but took him back the next day so this girl could'nt get her hooks into him even more. He lied about her when i asked questions, her age e.t.c but i told him in order for him to stay he had to tell me everything. I discovered she had a boyfriend working at the same place so i contacted him and told him everything. He was shocked cause my hubby was a friend to him. He had his girl about it but thats all i know of their situation. Its been very hard for me as my hubby still works there. He swears he doesnt see or have anything do with her but it does'nt help me. Im in such a turmoil and dont know what to do. Im confused also about my feelings for him. I really didnt deserve this and its hard to understand why he had to do it on me. i have never been so heart broken. He said it was his stupid ego and couldnt believe a 21yr old would go for him. I will never trust him again and a day doesnt go by when the bitch is'nt in my head, its like torture. He begs me to believe he never stopped loving me but can people do this and still love someone. Any males out there to shed some light on my situation (please, some honesty hey) and am i doing the right thing staying with him.

[Alice Alice]

If you stay with him make sure he really is sorry and won't do it again

as for the anger you feel if you don't deal with it, it will eat you inside turn you into someone you don't want to be
Srong emotions such as anger will keep you from doing smart choices and make you feel victimized (put the anger issues on the top of the list of your what to do list)

i will send you a prayer of strength//// take each day one day at a time.

[Debz]

Thanks alice, It means so much to have someone to talk to. How do we deal with anger though. Im so angry i could scream and scream. I feel my life has been destroyed and how do i know he is really sorry and its not still going on. Its the not knowing thats killing me.

[Alice Alice]

I agree the not knowing is the worst... we feel we have no control over our own future that we share with our other half...the trust we had was the glue for that safe feeling that existed when our husband or wife was out of our sight.

the anger you have needs an outlet a punching bag just encouraged the feel for punching its not creative enough its a negative action, creating the need to keep punching fueling the anger

You feel so low your self esteem has been crushed your husband can't give you back your self esteem right now (later he can) you have little trust in him so take the matter into your own hands
Do something for yourself create... if you have any artistic trait or desire do it BLOOM in that creativity

Get grounded in the beauty of who you are as a human being you deserve to treat your self with all the love that exists in you

[debz]

I have one friend like you Alice, she is a christian. She has done nothing through my heart ache but speak words of wisdom to me. She sounds very much like you. Even though im so confused its good to hear positive things instead of all the negatives. Im am surrounded by people telling me to leave him and that i can do better. I understand where they r coming from but it makes me feel worse. You have been a breath of fresh air and i thank you. Must admit im a bit envyouse of you, with my up-bringing and whats happened to me, ive become a very negative person and i would give anything to be positive and trusting like you are. Its made me a very bitter person and i hate myself for it. I agree i need to vent my anger into something good, i have yet to discover what. Im still trying to get myself off the floor. Like i said i am very low (not as low as i have been, so i am getting a little better, i feel) but i want my old life back, i want my feelings back and most of all i want my husband back. Thankyou, im feeling better. X

[Alice Alice]

Dear Debz
That friend who is positive with you is a great resource ask her for any help you feel you need i'm sure she will do anything for you

About the positive way i think i guess its a choice i need to be a happy person
i have gone through a lot of hardship and have noticed the pain i experienced caused me to be insecure in a lot of levels so i had to cut down my insecurities to the bare minimum i get told i'm confident but i don't feel it i have been humbled by my mistakes and life's curve balls

you know that pain you feel well don't ignore it feel it write it down be it a poem a short story a novel a brain storm of words let it all out
Its like giving birth to your pain then you can look at it and understand it better...then move on to the next level being proud of who you are a honest person who just wants to be understood surround yourself with people who make you feel good people who understand and respect your needs.

My cousin Carla is my earth angel i will do anything for her she had the means to help me and her heart was so big and giving i can't thank her enough. She still says things like you know if you ever need me again i'm hear for you and your baby WOW!!!
...I'm good this time round if anything happens i know i can do it all on my own but its so nice to know she still is there for me.

So don't be scared to ask for help if you need it :)

The past is a reflection the future is a projection and the present is a gift