1st Post. Getting married soon but still addicted to porn

[laguna]

Hi folks,

I'm a 33 yo male from Hereford in the UK.
I've always been into porn - from my teenage years onwards.
Mags, DVD's, now the internet.
I'm always home before my partner so have adequate time to do the necessary.
I hate myself afterwards for it, but the next day after the testosterone has built up again, the lure is too much.

My partner knows I use porn and we do talk about my problem and she is supportive in trying to help me give it up.

I go to church (baptist) and know i really need to kick this habit as we are supposed to be getting married later this year and I dont want porn in my marriage. Giving it up is ridiculously hard as images are burnt into my mind which cannot easily be erased.

I've just asked my partner to remove all the modem connections off my p.c so I can only use the internet on her laptop which should make me avoid looking at porn.

Heres hoping I can avoid this porn.

I'll keep you posted how I get on if that ok.

Any tips or support welcomed. Any questions from ladies wanting a guy's perspective on porn, I'll try and answer any questions you have.

[Raymond]

Hi Laguna. You have a problem there. Porn is no preparation for marriage. It is never right even for a single as it's like sex outside of marriage. These things cut right into one's relationship with God and will affect your intimacy in marriage if it is not dealt with. A good book which mentions it is Jill Southern's "Sex - God's Truth" They minister to this kind of problem att Pierrepont, near Farnham where Jill works. Sex is one of God's wonderful gifts but outside of marriage in turns into something else.

Raymond

[Alice Alice]

laguna
why is it hard for guys like you (including my husband) to stop using porn?
My hubby says he is ashamed but that isn't helping him to stop
I think he should stop feeling ashamed and just see it for what it is and stop

[Raymond]

I think I would have been in to it if I had not come into a relationship with Christ. I'm not into porn as I see the way it draws and diverts the natural sexual drive onto fantasies and leaves one bankrupt in their marriage like one who is dwelling on other women's bodies which is really being unfaithful to one's wife. If I feel myself being tempted to dwell on any seductive image, and they are all around us these days, I think of my wife instead and the intimacy we enjoy. It is as if the image has come to rob me of what I have. It helps to keep the bedroom alive and I believe all christians should be having good sex. You are right Alice it is a deception and it will corrupt and rob you of decency and even the legitimate sex you have in marriage. Jesus shows that one is commiting adultery in their heart by lusting after another woman, which is what is happening in porn to a certain extent.

I read the other day that these porn stars have the highest suicide rate out of all the professions anywhere. There is great darkness in it wrapped up in glittering packaging, much like drugs can be. I believe the road at the end of it is loneliness and isolation. Better I believe to love the wife God gave you, keeping her, yourself and your children secure and happy.

Raymond

[Alice Alice]

Thanks Raymond i will copy this and post this on the fridge
its my birthday today ...this will be my birthday wish

[Raymond]

Hope he sees it there Alice. Also Happy Birthday! for yesterday.

http://www.myspace.com/shelleylubben

Raymond

[Alice Alice]

If I feel myself being tempted to dwell on any seductive image, and they are all around us these days, I think of my wife instead and the intimacy we enjoy. It is as if the image has come to rob me of what I have. Raymond

What if my husband can't do that because we haven't had sex since Aug 2005

just in case he thinks that after he reads your post (on the fridge..i have it on the side of the fridge)

[laguna]

thanks for the comments Raymond and Alice.

Alice - its hard because it is something we enjoy and it is habit forming.

I will try and focus on my intimacy with my g/f, when I get tempted. I do need to focus on Christ and what I i know to be right.

Hopefully, I can wean myself off it and erase the images burnt into my mind. I have a preference for the amateur porn, who do it cos they want to, not the pro stuff who are acting and have the high suicide rate Raymond refers to.

[Alice Alice]

With everything in life the new feeling of a relationship will get a little boring...what would someone do when having porn while making love gets boring,,,,,group sex??

its a slippery slop

your missing out on real mordancy....so am i , because my Hubby forgot how to be intimate

[Raymond]

Theres a subtle justification there Lugana when you say you have a preference for the amateur porn who do it because they want to. It will be just as deadly Lugana. The flesh may feel good for a while but your spirit will be assaulted Lugana, robbing you of your wholeness as a person. It is a mental adultery which will affect your coming marriage. I know who is inspiring it and it's not God. You will get no profit from it at all and will reap emptiness. Sex is wonderful within the relationship of marriage. Take it out of there and you have given up something precious. Something that will keep you together with your wife like glue. Do it for your wife, do it for God, do it for yourself. Make war against it because that is not who you are. You are called to better things, something real, something wholesome. You will have no peace until you deal with it.

Raymond

[laguna]

found this yesterday and am gonna try and keep it with me:

Breaking habits through prayer 17 Mar 2008
'I am watching over My word to perform it.' JEREMIAH 1:12
Are you struggling with a habit so stubborn that it has a life of its own? A mind that thinks for you, a voice that speaks to you, a power that keeps pulling you down? Nothing brings victory like 'praying the Word,' for God says, 'I am watching over My Word to perform it.' So begin each day by praying: 'Lord, Your Word says that if I call on You, You will answer me; You will be with me in trouble, You will honour me and You will deliver me (Psalm 91:15). You said that through the power of Your indwelling Spirit I would be set free from this vicious cycle of temptation, sin and failure (Romans 8:2). You said if I fully commit my life to You, I'd have the strength to stand up to the devil and he would flee from me (James 4:7). You said You have given me the power to pull down all my old mental strongholds and take control of every wayward thought, imagination, and impulse (2 Corinthians 10:5). You said that by reading Your Word each day and meditating on it, I would become a partaker of Your divine nature, and overcome the destructive tendencies of my flesh (2 Peter 1:4). You said I'd be strengthened in my mind, my emotions and my will; that my self-worth would be based solely on Your love for me; and that You would do exceedingly abundantly above all I could ask or think because You are at work in me (Ephesians 3:14-21). Today I thank You for helping me to overcome this habit. In Christ's name, amen

[Raymond]

That's great Laguna. I think I will copy that myself. There is plenty to work through in that. Youre on the right track.

Raymond

[Alice Alice]

Laguna you sound like you really want this to be a thing of the past, you can do it.
Have faith!

a quote from Jesus
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move