Am I wrong?

[Tracy]

Hi

I need some help badly and quickly. I met my fiancee 16 months ago, he was lovely, everythign you could ask for in a man, older than me, but that didnt matter to me, he was kind gentle loving and very understanding. He took me to the Maldives last March for my birthday, proposed on the beach, I said yes. Since then We had planned a wedding date, in 7 weeks time. I sold my house, he sold his flat, we have bought a house together as I have two children still living with us. Since we have been living together he has really changed. We have arguments like normal people do, but he keeps bringing up my ex, not my ex husband, but my ex prior to him. (A Boyfriend). He keeps accusing me of still sleeping with him and seeing him, he is very insecure. He even said on sunday that my ex has been in constant contact with him..... this just doesnt make sense, he keeps questioning my eldest daughter about my ex, asking her what his surname is etc, was i seeing him when I was married to her dad? why is he doing this. It should have nothing to do with him surely. I have asked him to see a counsellor about insecurities as it is ruining us, he went about 4 times, he has decided to stop going as he said she made him feel worse about us, and put things into his head. I am now having bad vibes about marrying this man, am I wrong? I already regret selling my house as I have nothing now, there will not be much equity in the house that we have together as the mortgage is high. What do I do, am I mad to marry someone like this, someone who cannot get over my ex? Please help I am so confused at the moment.

[lonelylass]

Hi Tracy,
We all have pasts, prior to our current partners and that is what they are, past relationships.
Obviously can't answer as to why he has suddenly changed, but did you live together prior to moving homes? It's a good indicator as to how you'll both get on.
In my opinion, if you are in any doubt as to your feelings or his commitment to you, I would follow my heart. If you want to work at it and he is willing, then do so.
If you don't like the man he has become and are concerned for your future together, then I would make steps to seperate now, please do not settle just for financial reasons, you may live to regret it.
Hope this is of some help.

[Tracy]

Hi

We did not live together not really, although he did spend most of his time at my house, he would stay over every night and leave early in the morning to get the train, we would be together every weekend, so we were like living together. I just keep thinking to myself perhaps he wont be so insecure when we are married, but I dont think thats the case now, I dont think he is going change. I wouldnt stay with him for financial reasons, but I do have a lot to consider as I sold my house, my financial security for this man, and we wont have any equity in this house, so I am in a very awkward position at the moment. Do you think I should see a counsellor, do you think counselling helps?

[lonelylass]

Hi Tracy,

Counselling can help, yes, I am going fortnightly at the moment on my own, to help me comes to terms with things and understand my emotions.
Though it depends on the individual, or the pair of you being committed to wanting to make it work.
Just from what you have said, I don't think you are happy to commit here and I think if you are at all in doubt as to what is to come with an emotional commitment as well as financial one, you should seriously reconsider your future with him, unless of course he changes and starts to trust you, otherwise this is going to fester.

[Justabloke]

he's really insecure because your younger than him, but thats no reason to put up with bad man stuff, tell him you love him but hes pushing you away, hold him, hug him, cuddle him, if he is a decent man hell realise hes been stupid ,

remind him it's him you love and who cares about the ex cause you certainly dont

Hope it works out

Bloke