Am i being unreasonable

[sez20041]

Hi

I am new to this site, but wondered if anybody could give me some insight into a problem i am having with my fiance...
I met my fiance in Turkey while we were both on our holidays, he is from Scotland and i am from England. After 3 years of keeping in touch he moved down to West Midlands to be with me last July. In December he proposed to me and we are now engaged. We are now talking about marriage and have both decided that we would like to get married abroad preferably Spain. I have looked into this at great length and wedding alone is going to cost at least 5 grand not including the reception party we both want for family that could not make it when we get back, dress, rings suit etc. I would like to get married in 2009 and the problem i have is i have only a small amount of savings which i need to get a new car. My fiance however has a lot of savings which were left to him from a deceased family member. I have sat and talked through plans, prices etc with my fiance and even if we save out of our monthly wages each month we will not be able to afford this wedding abroad with the bills we have coming out each month. I asked my fiance if he would use some of his savings 2wards paying to this wedding and he has given me a final no answer based on how he has invested this money in stocks and shares and if he takes any out he is set to lose £400 interest he has made. I feel he is being a little selfish as if i had the amount of money he had i would not think twice. I love him with all my heart and there is nothing i want more then to get married in 2009 and start our futures as man and wife. He does not seem to realise that we wont be able 2 afford it by just saving and i reckon he would happily put it off til 2010 if that meant he wasnt touching the money he has put away. I have said that we could set up a savings account and both put money in until the money we have spent on the wedding is put back but he wont have it. It has really upset me with his attitude towards all this. I have not had chance to speak with him at length as yet with him being at work and night college but i dont think he will come around... am i being unreasonable to have asked him to use (a small chunk of his savings) and being upset? I feel as though my little wedding bubble has burst.

[Justabloke]

If he loves you hell move heaven and earth to marry you,

I'm working now but when i got engaged i was unemployed and i spent £1450 out of £1500 savings on an engagement ring for my wife to be. Just because I love her.

money isnt important , well maybe it is to him,

if he wont dip into his savings for your wedding it really looks like he doesn't want to get married yet. maybe ever.

yu have to think about that more than the money,

Bloke......

[newlywed2008]

the most important thing about your wedding day is the two of you getting married. The dress the party etc is really for everyone else therefore if you cant afford the big wedding of your dreams perhaps change your dream to something you can afford.
However reading your post you say that you haven't really had a chance to talk to him about it. That is the first thing you should do. Perhaps he doesn't realise how important it is to you, nor how much it all costs, nor how upset you are getting over his apparent selfishness to put money towards your wedding day. Talk to him and then make some decisions together.

[SweetBride202]

perhaps there is some sentimental value to his savings, that is why he refuses to use it for the wedding. if you can't really get him to take a little from his savings for your wedding, then perhaps you can move the date of the wedding or cut down on budget. tell him that you are considering these options because of monetary concerns. perhaps, he will come to his senses and change his mind. otherwise, it would be so sad for a wonderfully planned wedding to go down the drain just because of minor disagreements on money matters. ;)

[Ageing Grace]

I asked my fiance if he would use some of his savings 2wards paying to this wedding and he has given me a final no answer based on how he has invested this money in stocks and shares and if he takes any out he is set to lose £400 interest he has made. I feel he is being a little selfish as if i had the amount of money he had i would not think twice.

To me, this would be a huge red flag :(

My ex spent £250 on my engagement ring, but happily chose a £1,200 watch for his engagement gift from me. As it turned out, this was an indication of his approach to sharing. Not to say your man is the same; perhaps he feels you could buy a cheaper car!

What did you decide, Sez?