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View Full Version : I think my marraige is over.


Mr C
3rd January 2008, 05:01 PM
My wife has gone very cold towards me, ive asked her what the problem is and she start digging up things from years ago, saying i control her and tell her what she can and cant do, which i dont. She is a woman with a very short fuse and likes to pull her stropps, she does not like people looking at her, even me, people who know her have to tred on eggshells. She smokes cannabis which i used to but stopped as it was giving me paranoia which i feel she has.I am not one of these men that do nothing around the house, I always do my fair share of cleaning, washing and shopping, cook nearly ever meal. We have been together for 14 years now and married 2 years ago, we married abroad, two days before our wedding we decided to go down onto the beach, the beach was full and there no beds available, so we laid our towels out on the sand and sat down, within a few minutes she was moaning that sand was sticking to her and she wouldnt shut up. I wasnt prepared to argue in front of loads of people, so rolled my towel up and started walking back to the apartment, she followed still moaning. We got into the apartment and i just totally lost it, i grabbed her by the neck and picked her up for a few seconds. I know i shouldnt have done it but i was at boiling point plus the stress of the wedding. We made up again and i promised iwould never lay a finger on her again(which i havent). The wedding went ahead ok plus the rest of the holiday. We continued our life together as normal.

We had decided that 2007 would be the year we start trying for children, so in the April she stopped taking the pill so of course the passions killers came out (condoms). We wanted to have a baby in the summer so decided to wait and try until around August, September. She has always wanted children so when the time came to try she had turned very cold towards me and kept staying away from me, I would sit in the living room, she would sit in the kitchen on the internet.

I noticed my wife was visiting one of these make new friends websites. She was and still is totally hooked on it every minute of the day she would sit at the kitchen table scrawling through the site, i had joined the same site but gave it up as it was mainly full of perverts after women to go webcam. One day she asked how do you set up a hotmail account. I asked her why do you need one of those, she replied because everyone's got one. Anyway she set one up herself and used it for msn messenger. I was getting curious as to what she was up to, so i stupidly set up a spy programme to watch what she doing on her wireless laptop. A few days later i was upstairs on my pc with this spy programme running, and i noticed her logging into msn messenger with a totally different acccount name, when it logged on i noticed it had about 5 different men who were all offline. I later confronted her about it and she said it was just to chat to them nothing else. The next day i went to work and she was off, when i arrived home she said 'you can talk ive just been on your pc and logged into your hotmail account and saw f**k bubbies'. Now this was a site i joined a few years back but had to pay to communicate, which i never i was just curious as to who was in my area on this site, the site always sent me updates which i never bothered with. Well since then we have argued nearly every few days, sex has gone from twice a week to once a month if im lucky. I have asked her if she loves me and she has said only in the same way she would love her parents. She has in the last few weeks said she wants to split up, I have asked her if that is what she wants I won’t stop her as I am sick of being left on my own. She hasn’t attempted to arrange anything, instead she just goes on this particular website. We are still sleeping in the same bed. I have said I will sleep in the spare bedroom but she has told me to stop being stupid and to sleep in the same bed as her. She still expects me cook the meal every night, if I don’t do it she wont attempt to do it, she would make some toast or something for herself. I am getting all confused by her and feel I need to start the ball rolling or it will just drag on.

judstew
4th January 2008, 12:29 AM
Hi,

I'm going to be honest. It sounds like both of you have had some behaviors that are less than desirable. It also sounds like right now you are on different paths. However nothin that either one of you has done or is doing is horrible, why not seek counseling?

As far as the internet is concerned, or in my opinon television, video games, sports, or any sort of media...I'm not a huge fan. I vote for NEVER being on line when others are around becuase it interferes with social relationships. Could you guys agree on NOT being on line for a period of time? Or limiting it to 15 minutes a day? It doesn't sound like she would atgree with that, but I really think the internet is addictive. There was a time period a while ago when I would enter political chat rooms and before you knew it I had been on for HOURS. What a waste of time.

Even though you say the "bubbies" website was years ago, she probably doesn't believe you and perhaps has lost some trust in you. That is the problem with doing that sort of thing - even years later it can haunt you.

Anyway, try to seek counseling. Marriages have definitely made it through way worse things than this - don't give up just yet.

jud

val100
4th January 2008, 04:43 PM
get help and cut off your internet it has been the cause of too many marriage break ups.

Talk to each other and check out every avenue before you decide to split up.

best of luck to you both

Mr C
6th January 2008, 07:04 PM
Thanks guys, i tried cutting the internet as i was going to work early the other morning (4am) she was still up on it. I thought she would have just gone to bed after i had gone. When i got home i checked the log to see what time she had finished on the web 5.20am and then back on it again at 9.15am. I immediatly disconnected it, she just stayed in bed and said i was trying to control her, i said it was to help her. I gave half an hour in the evening then cut it off again. She is not willing to talk about our marraige, she just says we have driffted apart and she doesnt love me anymore. I dont want to force her into loving me so i dont councelling will help. I spoke to a close friend the other about the situation and she said it could be her hormones playing up as she had stopped taking the pill back in April(2007). She had been on the pill permantly since the age of 15 she is now 33. Maybe this is one of the causes, i dont know. I read that the pill causes low libido and can continue after you have stopped taking it.

nice idiot guy
6th January 2008, 07:56 PM
Hi Mr C

I do think the internet has in general led to family breakdowns. Sometimes it is more addicitve than drugs/alcohol/smoking. Why do i say that? well, things between me and my wife are cold too. This has led me to become addicted to the net, using PC and phone. I have spent long hours on them, and when I look back, all has been a waste of time.One thing I have noticed though is that staying up till 4 am and logging back at 9 am usually indicates that there is something going on. It may just be chatting to a freind only, or an emotional type of bond, but no one would stay up that late and go on it even missing breakfast at 8 am, unless there is some kind of positive reply from the other end.

I have received some excellent advice on my thread from many people here, and would recommend reading thru some of them and thoses under teachermans thread as there are some good points there.

Anyhow, by cutting the internet, i think ur wife may feel u are trying to control her and react by pushing u aay more, which wont help. Its a difficult one to solve. Once a woman goes cold on her man, I struggle to see what a man can do to revive it. If she has gone cold cuz of a 3rd person, then it is very difficult. If it is due to midlife crisis, or finance then it is more reparable. So fisrt is to try and find out why she has gone cold and then look for a reasonable remedy.


Cheers

maurice

Mr C
6th January 2008, 08:29 PM
Thanks for the advice nice idiot guy she just says its all to do with what happened before our wedding over 1 and a half years ago (grabbing by the kneck, see 1st post). That is what confuses me, why bring it up now after so long. The thing that gets me is she hasnt said anything to her parents or brother about what is happenening between us, i've told her she needs to speak to someone and not bottle it all up.


I just dont know what to do know, she certainly not doing anything about it. I got to speak to her mother earlier who knows what has gone on in the past, she said she will talk to her tomorrow and see if there's anything else.
She is happy for me to continue sleeping in the same bed as her, she hasnt told me to leave, she has no intention of leaving.
Should i call her bluff and go and sleep in the other bedroom and get someone out to value the house to see if that will have any effect.
Mr C