New To Forum...help!

[pisofbiznich]

Hello All,
My name is Jason and I have been married for 1 1/2 years going on 2. My wife and I are having problems now, a lot of problems. All we seem to do is fight. It gets bad sometimes, and one of us says we want out or get a divorce, but don't mean it. First off, we are trying to save our marriage, but everytime one of her friends comes up it seems like it gets worse and worse. I think she is jelious to see her friend happy because she had never had a steady relationship and the fact that she lives almost 2 hours away is another thing. She rarely sees my wife *they used to live 2 doors down till we got married and her friend moved* This weekend was horrifying, my wife told me last minuet that "You're sleeping out here on the couch while my friend sleeps in our bed cause she's the guest". To be honest, I think that was wrong. I asked some people, what they thought and they said that they would never do that to their husbands like my wife did me. Also, our sex-life is going down hill. We haven't had sex or attempted to do anything sexual in a few months, what's going on here? Why is this happeneing to me? I love my wife and I know she loves me deep down inside, but I don't know what to do please help! I want to save my marriage. There are things I cannot stand my wife doing and there are things she can't stand about me, but I am trying to work my part out. Today she said she wants some space, so I rarely talked to her or bothered her. Please help.

Sincerely,
Confused

[Alice Alice]

she is mad at you about something even if its not your fault she might be putting the blame on you get her to listen to you take her out to dinner and ask the question (s) you need to ask

[pisofbiznich]

Alice Alice,
Thank you for replying back. Yes, she is mad at me. She said I have changed many ways since we have gotten married for the worse. But I have relized over the past few days that I have to change my ways. She is the kind of person that will hold grudges. She hasn't really talked to me or said I love you in the past couple days. I said it today while I was I work on the phone and she said it back. She seems like she is mad at me for changing, but then again she didn't mean anything she said when I asked her last night. I'm confused. She needs to change her ways as well. Don't know what to do. All I can do is hope and pray. Any suggestions on what I can do to help our marriage? I am the type who does not believe in divorce.

[Raymond]

You need to hang in there Jason. You are both under a test at the moment. One seems to go through it sooner or later in the early days of marriage.

It wasn't right for her to put her friend in your bed, but I expect you are not always right in the things you do. Let it pass. As you get closer (hopefully) she will see things like that more clearly, as you will.

It could be you are nearing the end of the honeymoon stage and seeing each other in reality without the euphoria of "being in love", but in fact this is where real love starts the kind that can last your lifetime.

You both need to work at it a little and not become enemies. Try not to say hurtful things when you are angry, which you may regret later, but if you do always apologise. We can only speak to you because she is not on here, but I'm sure she needs advice as well.

It appears to me that seeing her friend is a signal to neglect you a little Jason, but don't let that anger you. Encourage her friendship. She will need other women to talk to, but nothing can replace you. All you can do is be a good husband. That is the best way to preserve the marriage until you are through this. At the earlier stage of my marriage I had to rely on scriptures such as love your enemies to get through. In the end wives do respond to love although it is difficult to learn this I know. There will be opportunities to show her love if you are up to it. They need understanding as well. What about me you might say? All I can say is that if you learn to love it will come back with interest. I am overwhelmed by my wife's love for me at times. It wasn't always like that. Therefore sow your seeds and they will come up, if there is good ground there underneath and I'm sure there is if you married her.

Raymond

[Alice Alice]

Dear pisofbiznich
go out with a respected friend that she likes as well have fun let her know your friends are important too
come home with a little something like a menu from a restaurant and tell her you had so much fun and wish to continue doing these types of things ie going out with your friends and her as well
one of the things women like alot is to go out with their man
think positive and when ever you need to tell her something that you have a hard time saying do it on one of your good days or make a day a good day have a positive out look on your life with her then tell her how you feel
like Raymond said underneath it all she loves you (you and your wife just need a chance to express it)
take care