Don't know what to do!

[healed]

Hello Friends,

Your prayers are much needed. My husband of just 7 months has begun to show me a side of him I didn't know. I am in such disbelief and don't know what to do I don't want my family to find out they still think he is an angel. In the process he is putting me down and belittleing me constantly I am in such dispare please give me some advice. I feel trapped! I am ashamed to tell my pastor or anyone for that matter I am just praying for change. But I'm I just having wishful thinking?

Healed (speaking those things that be not as though they were)

[1aokgal]

Dear Healed........

Is there extra stress from a job problem that is causing him to be short tempered or impatient at home? Are you talking about behavioral changes or feelings he talks down to you or bullies you? Is there alcohol or drug use around this man that could cause him to behave differently?


If you feel threatened physically or afraid of his behavior in some way then you should let someone else you trust know about this as a parent or minister. It would be helpful if you tell more of what is going on in your home that has upset you. I hope you are safe and can work out any problems. If there are any episodes of domestic disturbances than you need to use care for your safety. Is this the issue?

[Raymond]

Could be that he came into marriage with a different expectation from you Healed. Our church does pre-marriage courses and they major on this as we can go into marriage with completeley different ideas from one another. In the end a union takes place and one has to adjust to the other. Perhaps he is finding this difficult, but God has a plan in marriage for both your lives. Pray that he sees this. It may be that you will have to love your enemy at times, like I felt I had to at the start of my marriage. It's great now though.

Raymond

[Coffeebean]

It is always best to tell someone. I was always told that you tell two people that you trust - only two people. Have them help you through it. Not to tell someone puts you under great stress. Also what may seem terrible to you may not to someone who has other experiences in life - equally what may be ok to you may actually be really quite dangerous and you should be seeking help and fast.

If you want to share in more depth here I found it very benifical without feeling I had betrayed my h to his friends and family. The people I told all to was my mother and by best friend. My mother helped me get through day to day and helped me decide what I wanted to do for the future - but it was always understood that the final decision was mine and she could only advise - equally I knew as a total fact that she would never tell anyone what I shared with her. My best friend was there for me to vent - to call him every name under the sun and for us not to make plans or decisions just to call him - equally I trusted her totally not to share these times with anyone else. Neither one betrayed me.

Don't do this alone - it is how people try to control you and equally a form of abuse. Be brave take the first step. Personally I would share here no one knows you and you have loads of people who will have lived this before you and gone through it and come out the other side with advice to give and support.

Keep safe. Merry christmas to you. Look at the new year with a clear head and remember if you feel it has come to it - its better now after 7 months of marriage and no children rather than 5 years later and 3 children (in the words of my grandfather).