Kalni
17th December 2007, 02:09 PM
We ve been together 7 years as married couple and 11 alltogether. We are both 36 yeras old and have 2 kids 6 & 5 yeras old. The last 8 months he has been feeling depressed and not happy in our home. It took me a while to realise that this was more than just a mood and when I finally questioned what was going on he started saying he was feeling tired, couldn't handle the responsibility of the kids, the responsibility of a home etc. etc. I was very understanding and told him it was only natural since from the day we got married we never had the chance to actually take a break. We had two kids immediately after our marriage and the first 3 years he lost 5(!!) close relatives to cancern etc. including his beloved and dear mother(he still doesn't accept her death). Our kids were constantly ill, we couldn't go out as a couple (very dedicated parents both of us) and pretty soon we lost our loving feeling. Still, I always thought that we were now entering a new better era with the little ones growing up, realising what we had to do with ourselves, having a good circle of friends around us, with no financial problems, good sexual life (better than before) etc. In January we had an architect prepare the drawings for a small winter house which we both were looking forward to enjoy with our friends and family, in Feb we ordered a new car and by March he was mad at everybody including our little ones. Once he admitted having problems in our home I told him he could anything he wanted to find his piece of mind: go out, go on vacation, go to a councelor. Days went by and I saw no difference. He was going out, forgetting to tell me he would, he stopped calling when he was away and was pretty silent at home. Any time I would bring the subject up he would say he did not know what was going on. After a couple of months he started attacking me verbally: I was the worst person he had ever met, I f.k.ed up his life, If it wasn't for the kids he would have gone years ago etc. I stayed calm but told him I was really hurt. We went on vacation with friends (I proposed seperate but he wouldn't agree) and he was pretty unhappy there too. When we came back I told him I couldn't take it anymore and he should stay away to think what he wants. He did for 50 days (visited once for my son's birthday-we had told the kids he was on business trip) and returned because as he said "he wasn't happy away from us 3, he wanted to try to bring back what had been lost between us". 3 weeks later one night I asked how he felt back home. The answer was "It seems impossible to try, I think I should go..." He did 3 days later. My kids are devastated, depressed and very unhappy. I am devastated too. The man I have been in love with for the last 11 years of my life threw away our life in -what seemed- as a second. He has been a wonderful father and I can't see what was so bad in our marriage that actually forced him to leave our kids. He has been all his life very difficult in making decisions, even minor ones, how did he make this one?
He is now (1 month) staying with his dad. He takes the kids every other weekend and wants to have them all 4 weekends a month.He works 9to 23 every day and goes home directly after that. He prepared a paper with his lawyer for money and custody and doesn't mention anything about a divorce since I told him I won't agree to it yet. When we talk he is very abusive and angry and sounds as if I have done something to him. Of course I sound angry too and I am not so friendly either beacuse I feel so hurt. Our friends just don't get it, our family either. All these months I had the feeling that he was emotionally attached to someone, a lady he met through work (doesn't work with her). He says that this is nobody else's fault, just mine. He is leaving me not the kids beacuse of me.
Right before we got married, he had decided he didn't love me anymore and left for whole 6 months with no contact whatsoever. I was there knowing inside me that he will come around after he would miss me. He did and promised eternal love beacuse as we both agreed we tried our bond and it lasted. This time our bond I believe is stronger, this time our problem is bigger but I just can't convince myself it is over beacuse I feel we belong together. I know this sounds as the denial phase, but something inside tells me not to give up on him beacuse only I can end it. I believe it is obvious he got into some kind of an affair that got him off balance, thinking there is a life after all, I believe that we have made several mistakes during our marriage (mainly not dedicating time to each other due to work and kids), but it still doen't feel like the end. Should I give up?
He is now (1 month) staying with his dad. He takes the kids every other weekend and wants to have them all 4 weekends a month.He works 9to 23 every day and goes home directly after that. He prepared a paper with his lawyer for money and custody and doesn't mention anything about a divorce since I told him I won't agree to it yet. When we talk he is very abusive and angry and sounds as if I have done something to him. Of course I sound angry too and I am not so friendly either beacuse I feel so hurt. Our friends just don't get it, our family either. All these months I had the feeling that he was emotionally attached to someone, a lady he met through work (doesn't work with her). He says that this is nobody else's fault, just mine. He is leaving me not the kids beacuse of me.
Right before we got married, he had decided he didn't love me anymore and left for whole 6 months with no contact whatsoever. I was there knowing inside me that he will come around after he would miss me. He did and promised eternal love beacuse as we both agreed we tried our bond and it lasted. This time our bond I believe is stronger, this time our problem is bigger but I just can't convince myself it is over beacuse I feel we belong together. I know this sounds as the denial phase, but something inside tells me not to give up on him beacuse only I can end it. I believe it is obvious he got into some kind of an affair that got him off balance, thinking there is a life after all, I believe that we have made several mistakes during our marriage (mainly not dedicating time to each other due to work and kids), but it still doen't feel like the end. Should I give up?