Hope
14th December 2007, 08:34 PM
I don’t know if anyone will remember me but I posted on here a few years ago after my husband had an affair and left the children and I. I will always remember how lovely everyone on here was during my moments of complete despair. The advice I received was wonderful and very supportive to me at the time. Anyway I’ve moved on from that awful time and I’m so very happy now. I’ve even started to date (big, big step for me I might add!) but that seems to have developed complications and that’s why I’m back one here for some advice.
About 6 months ago I met a lovely man. We seem very compatible in many ways and I’ve grown very fond of him. However, one of my rules for dating was not to get involved with someone who’s separated (only divorced men) mainly to avoid the emotional baggage. So what did I do? I allowed myself to fall for a man that’s separated.
Here’s a little background info… he’s been separated and living alone for 18 months. He has 2 children which he adores and he spends a lot of time with, which I very much respect. This man left his wife because he was in a hostile relationship (his wife had a temper), he felt they would both be happier apart and his wife agreed that they couldn’t live together any longer. The problem is she keeps being very depressed and negative about the future and constantly reminds him that they’re both failures etc. Every time she has her down days she constantly phones and texts him about how unhappy she feels, which then makes him very depressed.
It’s been very difficult for me because I’ve moved on from the past and have no baggage, I’m very much ready for a relationship, I have no issues. I like this man so much and I think that we could have a future together but the days of depression he suffers, which stem from his ex’s moods are starting to affect our relationship. On a couple of occasions he’s been so overwhelmed and fed up with her demands which then results in him saying he needs to be alone for a while. His wife found out that he’d started dating again which made her even worse. When he has his “I need to be alone days” we go for a about a week and then find ourselves communicating again, we miss each other. Its all so confusing and unsettling for me.
From some of our conversations I know that if his wife accepted the separation and found a new partner and moved on he would feel relieved and would start to concentrate on his new life but that’s just not happening right now. She may feel depressed and live in the past for many, many years to come. When he’s not feeling upbeat and happy I’ll only hear from him if I text or phone but when he’s feeling happy and together again we communicate and every things just perfect. I don’t want to lose him but the question is, am I clinging on to something that’s just going nowhere because its just not the right time for him to commit to a relationship or should I just be patient and take whatever good times we can share together at the moment in the hope that things settle down?
His wife looked at his mobile phone one day when he collected the children from her house and found a text from me, she then gave him hard time because he was seeing me and he seemed happy. He seems to be harbouring a lot of guilt and when he’s happy and his ex wife is depressed he feels guilty for being happy. His 9 year old daughter asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said he had a “special friend” she then said she hated him which of course upset him very much. What a muddle… I just want to be loved … the complications are getting me down but I just like this man so much.
I just don’t know what to expect from this relationship/friendship. I would love to be more involved in his life such and be introduced to his friends and family but I guess that’s just too much for him right now, (queue my sigh).
Anyway, any advice, especially from separated men would be very, very much appreciated because I fear I’m losing the plot now!!!!!!!!!
Hope x
About 6 months ago I met a lovely man. We seem very compatible in many ways and I’ve grown very fond of him. However, one of my rules for dating was not to get involved with someone who’s separated (only divorced men) mainly to avoid the emotional baggage. So what did I do? I allowed myself to fall for a man that’s separated.
Here’s a little background info… he’s been separated and living alone for 18 months. He has 2 children which he adores and he spends a lot of time with, which I very much respect. This man left his wife because he was in a hostile relationship (his wife had a temper), he felt they would both be happier apart and his wife agreed that they couldn’t live together any longer. The problem is she keeps being very depressed and negative about the future and constantly reminds him that they’re both failures etc. Every time she has her down days she constantly phones and texts him about how unhappy she feels, which then makes him very depressed.
It’s been very difficult for me because I’ve moved on from the past and have no baggage, I’m very much ready for a relationship, I have no issues. I like this man so much and I think that we could have a future together but the days of depression he suffers, which stem from his ex’s moods are starting to affect our relationship. On a couple of occasions he’s been so overwhelmed and fed up with her demands which then results in him saying he needs to be alone for a while. His wife found out that he’d started dating again which made her even worse. When he has his “I need to be alone days” we go for a about a week and then find ourselves communicating again, we miss each other. Its all so confusing and unsettling for me.
From some of our conversations I know that if his wife accepted the separation and found a new partner and moved on he would feel relieved and would start to concentrate on his new life but that’s just not happening right now. She may feel depressed and live in the past for many, many years to come. When he’s not feeling upbeat and happy I’ll only hear from him if I text or phone but when he’s feeling happy and together again we communicate and every things just perfect. I don’t want to lose him but the question is, am I clinging on to something that’s just going nowhere because its just not the right time for him to commit to a relationship or should I just be patient and take whatever good times we can share together at the moment in the hope that things settle down?
His wife looked at his mobile phone one day when he collected the children from her house and found a text from me, she then gave him hard time because he was seeing me and he seemed happy. He seems to be harbouring a lot of guilt and when he’s happy and his ex wife is depressed he feels guilty for being happy. His 9 year old daughter asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said he had a “special friend” she then said she hated him which of course upset him very much. What a muddle… I just want to be loved … the complications are getting me down but I just like this man so much.
I just don’t know what to expect from this relationship/friendship. I would love to be more involved in his life such and be introduced to his friends and family but I guess that’s just too much for him right now, (queue my sigh).
Anyway, any advice, especially from separated men would be very, very much appreciated because I fear I’m losing the plot now!!!!!!!!!
Hope x