Some Advice Please....Greatly appreciated!

[Faith1]

As some of you may already know from my previous posts, I have met a muslim man and I am Catholic. I have only known him for about 2 weeks. I am quite smitten by him. He does seem to be very sincere and honest.

Last week, he told me that in December 13-Jan 12, he is going to Dubai with his family for a family reunion. He wanted to be totally upfront and honest with me. He said that his mother also had the intention of introducing him to some potential women for him to marry perhaps??? He said he wanted to be totally honest, and he did not know what would happen. He said that as long as it did not pain me or him, he wanted to continue to see me as we both feel we have a strong connection. In the event that nothing transpires in Dubai, he wishes to continue to see me.

I told him, I was leary, but in the end hopefully we would remain strong friends. I truly wished him happiness and hope he would find someone worthy of his love and sincerity. He also wished the same for me, and told me that if things did not work out with him, that i would find someone worthy of me as well. I said i understood he had family obligations and cultures and traditions that had to be upheld. He said, that he would give that all up in an instant if he had to make a choice. I said, regardless of what happens, if he does find someone whom he 'connects' with there, I would give him a lovely wedding gift, and wish him all the best in his future.

I am hesitant to get intimate with him. We have kissed, cuddled, but that is about it. He said he wants to spend as much time with me as possible until the time he leaves (Dec 13). I was a bit leary, and thought that it could muddle his thinking of when he does meet these ladies in Dubai..........but he said he wants to take that chance. Even if we don't get too intimate, he said he is willing to do whatever it takes so that he and I don't get hurt. I said ultimately my happiness for him is the most important thing and I wanted the best for him.

It is quite a quandry as you can understand. But, honestly i told him feel blessed that we have crossed paths for the little time that we have known each other, and we were brought to together for a reason........even if we are not meant to be together.

My question,........although his intentions seem sincere...........may his intentions not be all that what they 'appear to be'. My policy is usually not be become intimate with someone unless at least 2-3 months of knowing the person has passed. I asked him if there were any muslim laws that forbade him from dating other gals if there is the intention of him potentially being introduced to his future wife???

Shall I hold off becoming physically more intimate with him, until such time as he returns from Dubai.......otherwise., i may risk getting hurt.

Any advice please????

Thanks to all.

[1aokgal]

Faith1...

Let's face it ...you are NOT listening to anyone here though you ask for advice. This man is an attractive SNAKE and it is going one way. He is going to Dubai to find a wife (if he is telling the truth) and if not, he is already married as he does not want YOU to call the house. Hang your panties on the bedpost as in your mind you are already doing the deed. You know the guy two weeks and consider whether to get in bed with him? Listen, aren't there any movies in your town or other activities? This is leading nowhere but a fast shag.

He is making you an easy mark and has already told you the plan which does not include you except for piece of meat served quickly. There is another lady (Christian) on this site who got into the same triangle game while the Muslim guy looks for the wife. She is a Brit working in another country. She now is 6 months pregnant from that escapade. He did marry the Muslim woman. You already have a mistake behind you and a child from another bad decision. You seem intent on a repeat of that disaster. You say his intentions seem sincere? He is not even honest with his family/faith or the woman he goes to inspect prior to marriage. How honest is that?

Get serious about your life and stop feeding yourself left over food. Don't put yourself out there. You are real fixated on the guy and to him you are needy and a fast fill-in sex partner. He can't even play straight with his family as he is going to an arranged marriage by his family/religion. You might be his "one for the road" before that happy event.
Unless you have macaroni for brains you have to see this is an unethical man at best? Set higher standards for yourself. If you like him so much you will be the one left to be hurt. Put some thought to why you think so little of yourself.

If I am strong with you here I am telling you direct.... you are making a HUGE mistake which will come back at you. Don't be an easy mark for this charmer. Really don't betray your Christian faith either as this is not how a young woman should live her life. This guy would spit on your beliefs. It would make your hair curl to hear how some Muslim men think Christian/gentile women are whores. You will prove that is true what they think. That muslim woman he goes to meet will NOT have sex with him prior to marriage. That is why he is out to get the sex somewhere else. Listen, these guys are not even good sex partners. The Koran and and sex teachings have NO regard for the women in marriage and in bed. The men are in it for procreation in the marriage bed and for their own enjoyment. Women are not intended to enjoy sex. If you must find a sex partner at least get one home grown that respects what you think and cares whether you enjoy yourself in bed. This guy will use you for a one-night-stand. When he gets back .he will pass you on the street without a nod. He needs a fast peice before his trip to shop an arranged marriage.
Volunteers anyone? Then you step up.

Don't you read any material on this culture? Pretty to look at but not a good catch. In this case..he is partially honest ..there will be nothing beyond the sex. That will hurt and demean you. Drop it.

[Faith1]

Hello 1aolgal,

I really like your direct approach, and I thank you once again for your feedback.

I have decided to put off being intimate with him before his departure. As i've stated, i usually wait 2-3 mths to get to know the person first, on an emotional and intellectual basis. Yes, you may be correct in saying that he may be manipulating me........but perhaps, he may not. Time will tell I am sure.

Like i stated, he did not have to tell me about the introductions to these gals in Dubai, and I would have had no way of knowing, so I don't think his intentions are insincere. I appreciated his openness and honesty.

If he clicks with someone there and wishes to become engaged I would be TRULY happy for him. All I asked him is that he finds someone who will be able to truly love him the way he deserves to be loved, as he seems like a very sincere, decent person. He also is aware that if the opportunity arises, I will date as well. He said regardless of what transpires, we will be open and honest with each other. If he doesn't, he indicated he wishes to continue seeing me, providing I have not found someone in the meantime. Again time will tell.

However, one thing I wish to point out, today, I spoke to my physician who happens to be a muslim, and he said, that muslims in most regions of the world are quite westernized, so don't think that sex before marriage does not exist among muslims, it does. Just wished to point that out. Perhaps the gals are good at appearing like they are virgins lol. Isn't this the way it is in many cultures? lol

[1aokgal]

Faith1...

I hear you say no sex prior to his leaving on a trip to Dubai. He and his family plan a trip to look over a prospective Muslim wife. My suggestion is you look over the good home grown men in your area and put thought to meeting someone of the same age range, faith and circumstance for dating or friendship. The less complications are to find someone of similar background, ethical concerns and morality. If you are available you are likely to find someone who can be the right one for you. When we go to shop we try to get someone close to our own background, likes and dislikes.

Though you state he is a sincere decent person, it seems he plans to meet and become involved in the search for a wife. He wants to keep YOU in reserve in case that does not go well. Maybe it will go well and he will keep you in reserve while things mature on the other end. In either case, where does that leave you except some fill-in sex while he's looking for the real thing? I would think you might be busy with work and your child and don't have time for poor prosepects? That is the category this cuddler falls into......a bad prospect. Are you aware that most arranged marriages are about money? It involves a dowry paid to groom and family. There is no love to meet someone once or twice and marry by arrangement. It is about dowry money, religion and children.

I had an acquaintance with a Muslim man, very charming. He married a Christian woman first and got his Visa to USA. He divorced her a year or so later. They had a young son and shared custody. He made also a trip back home where his family arranged a meeting with a Muslim girl for marriage. He did marry her and the last I heard there was a long wait to get her Visa to get into the US.

Concerning Muslim women who would have sex prior to marriage......you said this is not uncommon. I completely disagree with that statement. The very conservative politics of this religion and ideas are now in place. Women are carefully guarded/chaperoned so not to be alone with a man prior to marriage. There are even murders of Muslim girls who date outside the box or cause shame to the family. We are talking about a Brit schoolteacher who goes to jail for letting kids name a teddy, Mohammed. If you do some study on the Muslim world now it would cause you to have caution. As a divorced Christian woman you would not be a choice for a Muslim family for their son both by your past history and religious intolerance.

You need to seek a man whose personality traits fall in the right moral calibre. Ask questions, look for the personality traits that will make a good life partner. Then you have a responsibility to be the kind of woman morally and ethically to make a good life with another. You also have a child, so don't waste your time on someone who cannot be a partner and father to your child. Stay clear of drinkers, players, druggies and those who play and not work. Give this man wide distance before you fall into a relationship doomed to failure.
Good luck.

[Faith1]

Thank you again for your very wise words 1aokgal. You have a knack of cutting to the meat of the matter and have made your points very clear. I will heed your advice .

Take care,
Faith1

[1aokgal]

Faith1.....

Be a good intelligent girl and don't throw yourself at somebody who is not interested in anything beyond the bedroom. Boy, you would so regret that scene. Remember also men talk...boy, do they. You would be the joke. You are worth far more.

Do good things for yourself. Work on all the things you need to improve. Go workout, get classes....plan your time wisely. Make yourself strong and confident. It also makes a woman beautiful.
Just like MOM

[1aokgal]

Please DO heed the advice.
I do care about you and want the best for you.

[Faith1]

Thank you so much......you are a truly angelic person.

Faith1

[1aokgal]

Faith1.......

I hope you are well and getting excited about all the Xmas events.
Get involved with friends and go for good walks.I have a lot going on here too. My friend made reservation for me to go on buggy ride with my husband on friday and he will get off a bit early. I will wear a new Victorian dress and hat for the event. It is my passion to make them and wear them.

The owners of these buggy rides always ask if they can keep an extra photo and post it as it is a good ad for their buggy rides to have us victorian dressed inthe coach. This will be at a place where the light display is beautiful and the inside lobby has fabulous historical painints and big fireplace. I will get some good photos of me in costume by fireplace for a costume album. You keep busy. Take care of yourself.
1aokgal

[1aokgal]

Faith 1........

Hope you are doing well and have made some good new years plans for yourself. I look forward to the time things will start to bring you all the happiness you deserve. I am an oil painter so I just got my studio upstairs in better shape and now paint every day.

It brings me a lot of peace and satisfaction. I used to hang in several galleries so I am working on getting new peices and contact the galleries and put them out to show. Do things that make you happy and keep close to those who care about you.
Your Friend,
1AOKGAL