Moral Support Needed...

[Kityra]

Things between my husband and I are very tense. Back in November he mentioned the topic of deviorce and things have been going down hill sense. We did start marriage counseling in Dec. and have been to 4 sessions, 2 together and each of us has had a individual session. Things just seem worse. This may be becuase I had a unrealistic hope / dream that the holidays would help.

I don't want to see this relationship end. I love my husband very much, but he can't answer the simple question of "Do you want to be married?" and it makes me wonder if there might be someone else he is interested in. After reading some of the other posts I have come to the conclusion that he is addicted to the computer / internet. That is a topic we will have to discuss at our next counsling session.

There has been no intimate contact in 6 months and he says that is becuase its the only way he can be 100% certain we don't bring a child into the picture even with me on the pill. It makes me feel rejected and unwanted. It might not be so bad if he would at least show some interest in loving on me in other ways. (hugging, kissing, holding)

I guess the main reason I'm posting is my own well being of getting some of this off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

Kityra

[Unregistered]

Please don't stay with anyone who cannot say 100% they want to be with you. There are so many guys out there who say the want to be with 100% and they still do crummy things. Imagine a guy who is unsure. Good luck
Separate or grant divorce. He may see things diffrently later, so may you.

[Kityra]

I've destroyed any trust my husband may have had for me. I've been reading his email and he found out and says I've invaded his privacy. How much privacy is a marriage suppose to have anyway? Why keep secrets?

I feel really bad that I have hurt him so deeply. I pray that I will be able to repair the damage I've done.

Kityra

[Kate]

Trust is important, but it sounds as if trust may have been an issue before you checked his e-mails. For some couples it wouldn't be an issue who reads whose e-mails.

There is an article on the site on rebuilding trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/) that might help you think things through.

Referring back to your original posting, counselling doesn't make a difference overnight and if there are deep issues to address it may be painful and tough along the way. It's very natural to hope that holiday times and times together will help with relationship problems but, as you say, expectations can be too high, so their may be pain and disappoinment.

Stick with the counselling, if you can. Every marriage is worth fighting for. Perhaps I'm an optimist, but I do believe that people can change and resolve their difficulties.