Desperate

[desperate2002]

Im at the end of my rope with respect to my husband. He spends endless hours on the internet looking at porn sites.

WE have talked about this many times and each time he says all he is doing is looking at pictures. Well it makes me feel bad. I mean I have heard that looking at porn is ok but honestly he does it to much. Furthermore I know he chats in yahoo chat
and of all places a toronto chat room. (were from toronto)

I really cant deal with this anymore and Im considering just leaving the marriage.

[Kate]

Dear Desperate,

I'm sure you are desperate. I think porn has very little to commend it and I don't think you can "just look at the pictures". Chat rooms and porn can become an addiction that affects the way we relate to our spouse and our physical relationship with them. It can feel as much like unfaithfulness, as if our partner were walking off when we were out together and chatting up another woman while ignoring us.

I guess that may be what is worrying you. Does your husband really understand how you feel about it? Have you been able to put into words exactly how it makes you feel and what your concerns are? Have you told him how desperate you are? Is he able to explain why he wants to do this?

Have you looked at the area of this site about internet addiction (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/). It might help you to understand what is happening to your husband and how to respond constructively.

Don't walk away without making sure that your husband really understands how hurt you are. The trouble with addictions is they can blind us to the way we are hurting others. If you can get through to him, then you may be able to find a way forward. I hope you can.

best wishes

Kate