help - distraught kids!

[aqua]

Hi guys

I need a little help. Although things are not amicable bwteen me and H we do have a good routine where the children are concerned. Tonight they came back from a visit to dad's totally distraught, crying and extremely upset. Dad had 'engineered' it so his OW would just come in his flat as the was bringing kids home . The children have always made it clear that they don't want to see OW (we know her). H did not run the idea by me at all.

I was shocked to see them coming in the house in this state and I slammed the door in H's face.

The kids have calmed down enough to go to bed. The oldest one (12) is in my bed. Little one (9) wants me to stay with him until he goes to sleep. He's calling now.

I'm so upset for my babies. The OW is an alcoholic grandmother.

How do I deal with this siutation with H? Is there anything I can do to stop this happening again?

Thanks
aqua.

[outoftheblue]

Hi Aqua,
I would make it very clear to your H that he went back on his word re Ow and kids and that is a betrayal of your and their trust.

I doubt the kids will want to stay with him for a while and they should tell him so if that is how they feel. If he wants to see them it should be on their terms and not his. They are old enough to sya what they want but also young enough to be frightened by his actions in breaking their trust. Explain to him just how really upset they were and only let him see them at your house for a while.

All actions have a consequence, you won't deny him access but he has to respect their views or they will lose their respect for him.

[aqua]

OOTB

Thanks for your response. My eldest texted his dad to say he didn't want him to walk them to school this morning, but dad still showed up! I didn't answer the door.

H only thinks of himself. He has no respect or feeling for my wishes where the children are concerned.

H blamed me for it all .......!!!!! guilt transference I think.

I've alerted my solicitor to the lastest event. My eldest asked if we could get a restraining order on OW. I said no it doesn't work like that unless she poses a possible danger to the them. As an alcoholic she may do.

Kids still want to see dad, but only dad. He is being so selfish.

It's a shame as so much progress had been made on a good working timetable for the children.

aqua

[Ginger God]

Aqua......

Give him a swift kick in the goolies and tell him to get a grip.

Graham