hELP NEEDED

[amy]

hI
I'm new to the site and wanted some advice please :-

I have known my “boyfriend” for about 6 months we met on an internet forum and have fallen in love with each other, due to things happening in both our lives we have not actually met yet but have spent hours and hours on the phone /e-mail/texting and have obviously exchanged numerous pics of ourselves /family / friends.
He is separated from his wife but is not yet divorced but the “ex” is a nightmare she relies on him for everything she’s a real panicky person.
She obviously knows about me and has herself started another relationship but my guy doesn’t like to upset her so if she visits the house for anything (she still has shares in the business he runs from home) he doesn’t like talking to me in front of her?
They are at present abroad at a friends wedding ,this was arranged 18 months ago and he did try to get out of it but she created a fuss because she cant fly alone so he had to go and also because he didn’t want to let the mutual friends down . I haven’t a problem with him going I trust him, this but he hasn’t kept in touch that much so as not to upset her!

We are planning to meet in a few weeks time and to be honest I am scared and really bothered about his wife.

Any advice most welcome

Amy

[Fatimah]

Dear Amy,
I read your message, and you have been very open and mentioned many things. Can I ask some questions please? How do you know your internet boyfriend is living apart from his wife? How do you know that his wife knows about you? Why do you think your boyfriend hasn't contacted you much since he has been away? How do you know his wife is so dependent on him? My guess is that you trust your boyfriend very much, and are also very much attached to him through your e-mails and phone calls. You sound very patient with him. I wish I could give some words of advice that would make you feel better. I would be asking him questions as to why he delays meeting you. I would imagine that he isnt being completely honest with you. I also suspect that his wife doesnt know about you. If you are happy to share more, then the members on the forum might be able to throw some light on your troubles, and help you become more clear in your mind. I wish you well, and await your reply.

[amy]

Hi

I have become attached to him, I love him very much.
I only know what he has told me that he lives apart from his wife and that he had a bad time with her when they were together and he somehow feels sorry for her now. He says he has told her about me but doesn’t like to rub her nose in it that he has found someone.
I cannot blame him entirely for us not meeting as yet because I had reasons why I couldn’t meet him till now also.

He has said I can go stay with him at his house for a few days so I would then know she wasn’t on the scene anymore wouldn’t I?

I really trust him and have no reason to think he’s lying really.
Just needed to know what other people made of the situation before I take it any further. Should I be cautious I don’t want to get hurt anymore ive had enough of that in the past.

Thanks

Amy

[Fatimah]

Dear Amy,
I think the best thing to do now, would be to wait until he comes back from abroad and then see what he says and suggests. I'm glad you feel you can trust him. This is always very important in any relationship. Try to talk to family and friends if you can, as they understand you as a person. I hope you get the positive outcome you want from this relationship. Whilst you are waiting to here from him, try to detach yourself as much as you can, throw yourself into making plans for Christmas and go out with your friends. Let us know what happens. We are here to help if you need us

[amy]

The Thing Thats Bothering Me Is He Says There's No Signal Now They've Moved Countries So Will Text When He Returns On Sat But I Think Thats Rubbish And He Does;nt Want To Upset His Wife

[Fatimah]

Dear Amy,
Please be very careful. You already know that he is giving you excuses. No signal? I dont believe that either. I have heard this excuse as well. So think everything through. You still havent met this man, so that is something.. I would be tempted not to meet him. You didnt say what age difference there is between the two of you? Are you much younger than him? Please dont be used.

[amy]

Hi

I really want to believe in him and he has been pushing to meet me and at his home .
I have his address and have checked him out on his company website and he seems to be honest.
Yes there is an age difference I’m 30 he’s 46, but I don’t see a problem in that.
I was in hospital recently seriously ill and my friend kept him up to date with what was going on and she says he stayed up all night waiting to hear if id come round from the operation and then spent the next 4 days worried sick about me til I could talk to him myself, Surely he would’nt do all that if he did’nt love me would he ?

He’s back on Saturday and I’m supposed to be meeting him end of next week but am now confused and seriously considering postponing this meeting for a little while but what excuse can I make ?
He was so excited before he went away that we were going to meet so I don’t want to upset him if he’s done nothing wrong but would like a little more time to think things through .

I’m very confused now

Amy

[Fatimah]

Dear Amy,
You seem to really trust your boyfriend. You are right that the age difference is not important, and you are being level headed about the situation. It is probable that you would feel more at ease if you met him when he returns from the holiday. If you didnt you might regret that in the future. And by meeting him you would perhaps get a better idea of whats going on in his life. What concerns me is that he seems to have a lot of difficulties already, that prevent him from doing the things he wants to do with his life. This might put a lot of pressure on you in the future, so you need to understand that. I dont think he will stop the contact he has with his wife, as she appears to be very demanding. He either is not strong enough to stop her, or he is happy with that situation. So you must prepare yourself for that. I think only time will tell. After a few meetings with him you will understand the full story. Is your health OK now? Make sure you look after yourself first. And good luck. Keep the forum posted at any time. I will certainly keep the conversation going. I know how tough relationships can be.

[1aokgal]

Dear Amy...

I think you are being told tommyrot and this man is playing games with women on the internet. Let me tell you there are many"lovers" sight unseen sending emails to women from S.Africa. This man even if he is not a crook at best is probably married and looking to one or more women. I heard they line up several women and fly in for couple days with each.
Then there is the sheer danger of meeting someone you don't know..never saw..in someplace unsafe and you just disappear. There are women who end up in sex rings who are set up just that way. Go to his home? Suppose you are gang raped by lots of men there? On no account should you or would you ever go to a man's place you don't know well. Remember Little Red Riding Hood? Do not put yourself in jeopardy.

Dear, things cannot be so dull in your world that you are doing something so desperate and dangerous as this one? Maybe this guy is just an old pock marked, pot bellied unclean looking person? Would you even keep a blind date like that one past a cup of coffee? Then you would meet in a safe neutral tea room with others around and have your tea meet ...and go fast. This guy is going to fly in and expects a lot more. You must be very lonely to not get that this guy is feeding you a line about his X-wife is all needy and he has to go and such. He is likely married.
Listen...be smart...drop this right now.

Talk to your friends and say...I would really like an intro to a decent man..do you know any? Here is where the network falls into place. They know him and what he is all about. This is somebody's brother. cousin or friend. Don't put your precious little self out there to be used and conned by an old "PERV" who is hunting online. Do not expose yourself to danger. It is funny what we do when we are young we think we are protected. I am a bit older and I can tell you that you are not. Read the news every day. Don't you dare risk yourself. Then you are geographically challenged! Where is that going to go? A day or two in a hotel? No, no..you can do better than that.
I mean this sincerely...get rid of that guy.

[Raymond]

That is good advice.

[1aokgal]

Raymond...

Sometimes you want to reach across the miles and pinch somebody silly. It is like a daughter who is making such bad judgment and you want so much to say..STOP, before you get hurt so bad it will never be right.

We can do really dumb things when we are young and lonely.The world is a dangerous place. People are not NICE. There is rape and murder and the killing of innocense in how these online PERVs operate.I saw a report on just such a setup. The girl was drugged, gang raped and setup in a sex ring when she went to the hotel with the guy. He had 5 guys there waiting for her.

It seems these girls think they walk in a protected bubble. Like that pretty young thing, Hollaway, who went on vacation and put herself in jeopardy and likely given a date rape drug and murdered by three predators. Her family never even got a body to bury. My daughter uses great care as she works nights and camps out. I finally got through to her about her safety. She bought a gun and went to the range. I did not want her to be a statistic of young women who are victimized. One needs to have self protective skills and good judgment.

Hope you ae well.