Broken hearted yet again

[vwmags53]

I am sitting here home again from not being able to go to work. I cannot eat nor sleep but crying is going quite well.
I had my heart broken by my marriage of almost 30 yrs by a man who said he would die if he stayed married to me but of course there was another woman. I went through hell trying to work through the loss and to this day if I allow myself to think about all he did I digress.
I swore to myself I would never ever get myself into a relationship that was not built on trust....too many lies and secrets before.
I know I am going on here but here I go again another man who broke my heart. I do not know what to do. I trusted him. We made plans together. He was going to move in and then one day he quit answering the phone. He moved to another town without telling me. I begged, pleaded you name it. He eventually did talk to me a little bit here and there. He actually saw me and we made love or so I thought and then would disappear for weeks at a time again not answering calls, emails etc and then appear again. I was stupidly in love and wanted things to work.He told me he was damaged goods from his previous divorce and he was not good enough for a relationship etc.....a long year has passed and still pain from the loss of a man I truly felt I loved more than my H. I saw him a few weeks ago and he seemed and acted as though we might work and low and behold he had married someone a few months prior and also had been with me. They purchased a home together. I am crushed. Through a little research I figured out he has been with her for over a year....I cannot believe it happened again.
As I type this I am 54 yrs old and though I may not look my age, men want younger women. My H and this man married women 10+ yrs younger. I live in the midwest and yes I am feeling sorry for myself but I cannot see myself finding someone and am not sure if can. I do wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. My children are grown and have their own lives as they should. I have a job that I hate but it is the only one I can have due to me putting the H through 3 degrees and he is making a lot of money and though it bothers me from time to time, I made the choice. It is what it is. I feel stuck in this midwest state and too saddened to move.....move out of bed, move to eat or move away from all the pain. I want my heart to stop hurting but one hurt on top of another is too much sometimes.
Oh well......we get what we deserve.....sorry for any miss spelled words
Maggi

[Fatimah]

Dear Maggi,
First of all, let me say how sorry I am to hear about your situation. You understandably are feeling low at the moment. But you have made a good effort to express your emotions, which would mean that you really want to get through this. There is no doubt that you have tried the best you can, first with a 30year marriage, and secondly by trying again with another relationship. You are by nature a very trusting person, which is very commendable, but now you feel betrayed, and rightly so. I hope you understand though, that you are not alone. The days may be difficult to bear at the moment, but I can assure you that you will get through this. If it helps at all, I am 47 and alone again, having experienced a similar situation. Like you, there are days when it all seems too much. Dont beat yourself up. You are not responsible for how others act. You need to concentrate on getting better. Have you seen a doctor. It could be that you are suffering from depression at the moment, and it would be OK to ask for some help with this. Also, maybe you could think about some counselling to assist you at this time. It can be very helpful. You are going through a period of grief. This can make you not want to eat, you can feel like sleeping during the day, but at night you have trouble sleeping. Am I right to think this? Dont worry, it is normal to be experiencing this. But please, go and get some help from the doctor and also a counsellor. You will get through this. And dont worry about being on your own at this stage in your life. One day you will want to socialise again. Maybe you will meet someone again who will give you the love and respect you deserve. It is still very early days. Keep posting messages on the forum. I am also new, and joined to get advice. It works to share your worries and fears. And believe me, it will get better. All the very best.

[Raymond]

Good advice from Fatimah. I wouldn't say that time alone will heal as one would need help and counseling as well mostly, but time will heal to the extent that you will want to make some good decisions and maybe socialise again as Fatimah has said.

What gave me a red light was your words "Oh well we get what we deserve" . Believing those words can amount to a curse on your life. Why do you deserve it? Where has this belief come from? Possibly your parents? You have been hurt by people who have betrayed your trust. That is not your fault. I would undo that curse and confess something different say "I have been hurt and betrayed through no fault of my own, but with God's help I am going to overcome and make a new start" then act like it. It will take time, but your future can start today by getting that right. Then be kind to yourself and do something you will enjoy. This guilt can be a killer. Isn't that what Jesus died for to take our sin and guilt and bring a new life, but you have to receive Him and believe it to make it work.

Raymond