Desparate For Your Advise!!!

[ggloria007]

Dear Good People,


I am in a great doubt: should I stay with my boyfriend or not. I am lucking the main part of the relationship: TRUST! Well, everything has started few weeks after we started dated when I was visiting a friend abroad and in order to show her his picture we went to dating web where we met. HE WAS ON LINE! Later he told he was making friends, as he is new in the area. HE DIDNT TELL HIS EX GIRLFRIEND HE IS WITH ME FOR A VERY LONG TIME. HE ALSO MISSED TO INTRODUCE ME TO HIS FEMALE FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME.

On one occasion when I was questioning why we are always staying at mine, He said he doesn’t want his flatmate's girlfriend to mind his business??? I didn’t understand the point (and still do not ). He was first sizing girls while with me but said that I am paranoid and insecure and he didn’t size anybody. 6 months later he said that everyman size and that's it!


Last Xmas at his parents opening the presents there was a present from his ex. He did not know about it. Just family?!!! the present consists of a pic that ex took just few weeks before xmas. He said it was just once they met when she was visiting London. He said he didn’t want to say about this as I would get angry. Like I am not angry now!


The latest. In one of the confessions he said he had a relationship with a man! Like I didn’t have enough. My paranoia got really confused. Previously I was sizing women when we go out thinking which one he might liked. Will I now become more paranoid even sizing other men!!! His long lasting friend came from America and staid few days. My boyfriend called him on 2 occasions "honey".


I tried to leave him few times but he always came with something new that changed my mind... these days we are lucking new things and I am thinking of leaving him seriously. I am 40 and he is almost my last chance of having children. He is keen to have family and to move together and suggests I should move on from the past. In his previous relationship his ex didn’t want children and he said he could stay with her if she wanted. So he is not crazy about the children. Now he is extremely keen?!!.


He went to do the sperm test last Friday. When I am asking how does it come that he has changed attitude he says:" Why you do not appreciate that I have enjoyed the journey being with you!" the last was last Friday when he was over the moon due to positive results from the sperm test.


We were in a restaurant. He ordered the meal with "I'll have... " He rarely uses plural it is always I I I (him him him) and then he was absentminded. I asked where he is knowing he was watching the girl close to our table. His answer was " i was looking at this young couple and thinking how they must be on their first date and how it was long time I was on the first date and how I will not be on the first date"... all those words and the sperm results in his pocket. My heart was completely broken and I just drop few tears. I am now crying in restaurants!!! How pathetic?


Now I want to break but I am scared. I cannot stay in this relationship as I have great doubts that it will ever work. While previously he was apologetic, now he is cocky and answering back. He said he is doing nothing to heart me and the thing how I feel has nothing to do with him. It is my insecurity and I should deal with it.

BTW he is psychotherapist, and I have told him more than once that certain things make me insecure. He is also working with coupes and working with human soul and hasnot done much to make me more secure?? Strange??! He is enjoying the journey!!!! He is saying that it is me who is insecure and doesn’t want to commit, and who doesn’t want kids. And that I am too naïve looking for a perfect man!!!


How can I have kids with somebody to whom I don’t trust on the first place! Well I am 40 and maybe this is my only chance to have children, as I would probably due to my romantic side need ages to overcome this man and find another!!! I am in great dilemma to leave him or to stay!


Yes I know he will never change and I also know myself I will never change!!!
:(

[Kate]

Hi there

This sounds very confusing. I wonder if this man really wants to settle down with you. If he did, surely he would ask you to marry him and make a public commitment to you. I wouldn't want to take the big step and start a family if I didn't know the child's father was going to be with em for the rest of our lives and there for the children.

If this man really isn't committed to you, don't waste any more time and find someone who is serious about you.

Kate :)

[Raymond]

Trust is fundemental in a marriage. If you haven't got that for whatever reason you cannot manufacture it. Take that as the signal that this is not right for you, before you get into it too deeply.

Raymond

[1aokgal]

ggloria007......

Are you insane? RUN, don't walk to the nearest door with your bags packed in hand. What can you be thinking? You mentioned 40 several times. By 40 one has experience and judgement about the world and it is not about your eggs getting old. Dear me, this man is searching online, playing patticakes with an X who evidently put up with the fact he is a BI-SEXUAL CREEP.

Would you consider for one minute to put your body to use for a baby machine to a creep? Who knows even what purpose he has in mind for you and a child? Oh dear, age is wasted here on you as you have learned nothing about the world. There is such a thing as self protection. If he had/has relationships/sex with men is it possible you might contract some disease. Go get tested!

Do you earn a living in any way or are you dazzled as this guy is a psychobabble something or other? If you can't see the misery awaiting you down the line than I don't know where you have been all these years.
GET OUT ! GET OUT! This man is TABU. He plays head games with you to mislead you that your gut feelings are wrong. That is your common sense slamming you in the head.... only you are not listening. He demeans you and is trolling the night life and the kinkies for extra stuff. Please smarten your little self and escape back to somewhere that is more simple. You do not have a CLUE.

Listen , somewhere out there you find a good decent man who maybe has a child or two. Don't take risk to get PG at this age and maybe bring in baby with birth defects or something. If your ship sailed on this lovely event it is OK. There is a whole world out there of kids who can be fostered or adopted and men who need a good woman who already have a child to bring to the table. They would be delighted to have a woman who wants to assist in being a mother and a wife.

Where did you find this beast anyway? Sounds like KINKIES R US outlet. All is not gold that glitters. I think you were attracted to status and not decency or goodness. Just because he psychs out others does not make him a healthy person.

YOU be healthy and get yourself FREE from this guy ASAP.
Good luck.

[Alice Alice]

i have learned not to force someone to do or be something they are not
You can only change yourself and if changing yourself means you will ruin your beliefs and the core of who you are, then move on and trust in love
LOVE WILL FIND YOU!!;):)
Merry Christmas