Do I Forgive My Husband Again?/

[debbie2007]

I have been married 18yrs now and over the past 3yrs my husband has cheated on my 4times that i know of.i always forgive him because i really do love him,after the last one he left me but i found out where he was and he came home cried for days and promised he would change and it would never happen again but today i have found a no of another one he has been in contact by phone and text and i am sitting here waiting for him to come home from work and talk his way out of it again,what should i do i am sooooo unhappy and just feel like ending it all,can a man ever change?
debbie x

[Kate]

Hi Debbie

How did it go when your husband came home? You have been very good to him, and it must really hurt that this is going on and on.

Let us know how things are going.

Kate

[1aokgal]

Debbie2007,

Go quickly and get yourself tested for disease. No telling if this man could have on something terrible. This is a man like an alcoholic only his addiction is sex to give himself a high.

I am sure there are so many other times you do not know about. I bet these times you know are the tip of the iceberg. He is not the man you thought him to be. I think you never knew this man. Do not be an enabler to his disease. Maybe he even wants you to find out so you can have the big drama scenes?

GET OUT< GET OUT. This man is a loser and a sick one at that. He needs serious psychiatric help. You need a life of decency and someone who loves you and is faithful. Please don't tell yourself you love him as you are lying to yourself. You love the person he presented him to be..without the affairs and lies. That is not the man he really is and you should see that now. Don't believe the lies as he will even make it seem like it is your fault. That is when he says..if you had not done this, I would not do that. This belief will make you as sick as he seems to be. Your life is built on his deceit. You need to face the truth and get some counselling so you can heal after all this hurt. I am so sorry for your pain.

I am sure that you can find a man who offers you a heart with love and not deceit and lies.
God bless you.

[suziewong]

Get out of your marriage now! This man is using you. He knows that every time he cheats he can walk straight back into your arms.
What are you going to do when one day a child from one of his affairs lands on your doorstep?
You definitely need professional help to give you the courage to leave and feel good about your decision. Good luck to you!

[danielx]

I tend to agree with suziewong here and the question that you need to ask is not whether your husband can change, but whether you can. What is happening here is a pattern becoming established by his behaviour followed by your response to it. If he cannot break the cycle then you must.

DX