Bewildered?

[Cassie]

Hi all. . . . . I am new to this forum but thought it was time that I got a few opinions. I have been married 13 years. My husband and I were never very sexual when we were dating and this has become the problem. We work together each day in our business and I think it may be affecting our love life. We sometimes go 2 years without relations! He doesn't give any vibes to want to change it. If I beg, he will concede, which doesn't make it very interesting. To further complicate matters, I would like children and I have some fertility issues coupled with his lack of sexual desire is becoming a problem. He just doesn't think about sex. Usually it is the woman, not the man so I am very bewildered. Any advice would be appreciated. I should note that I do not have a weight problem and have been told by other people that I am attractive. So what gives?

[Liz]

Sex is so much "in our faces" in our society, that it makes it harder to sort out the facts about sexuality. It's not uncommon for men to have lower interest in sex than women and for people's sexual libido to vary through life.

There are a number of resources featured on the site in Difficulties in Our Sexual Relationship (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffsex/) section which looks at why and how things may not be as good as we wish and also in the subsection on Improving Your Sexual Technique (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffsex/sextechnique/).

Perhaps you would benefit from separating out your working and your recreational areas in your lives and spend some more time on doing romantic or fun non-work things together.

It does help to try and talk about how each of you feel about making love, sharing the things that you enjoy and the things that you don't or that perhaps threaten you. Making love, I believe is another part of our communication and functions best when it's the expression of our overall love and openness. Being able to make love is not something that happens automatically all the time for all of us. We need to learn to understand what helps each other to relax and enjoy this area of our lives, and perhaps take time to build this part of our relationship. And of course there can be medical and physical factors that affect our love life too.

I'm sure others out there will have things to add to this from their own experience, but I hope some of the articles on the site may give you some ideas.

Thanks for sharing on what is not an easy subject.