Jealousy & Trust help?

[questions]

Hello

My girlfriend is going to her hometown for a family member's wedding. (Unfortunately, because of work committments, I was unable to make the trip with her.) We have been best friends for 7 years and have only begun a romantic relationship with each other since February 2007.

During the trip she plans to see her ex and later go to a birthday party for one of her ex's family members. I do not feel comfortable about this as they had a very long and painful past together and they've been apart less than one year.

I could never ask her not to meet her ex or attend the party but at the same time, I am hoping she will volunteer not to see the ex or go to the party. I do not fear my girlfriend will cheat on me but I can't put my finger on just what it is I feel...except that in my opinion, the dust has not had time to settle in her past relationship and I feel like she's doing too much too soon with her ex. ... or again, perhaps it's my jealousy?

I only know that if my spouse did not feel comfortable with my seeing an ex, there would be no question that I would do what is best for my current relationship and not go.

I feel very confused...untrustful....sad...insecure...hurt...a nd possibly even emotionally abusive (?!) as I have expressed harsh feelings about this subject with her.

I'm sure others have been through a similar situation. May I ask how you handled it? Would it be fair of me to ask her not to see her ex this time around? Should I even have a say?

Thank you.

[1aokgal]

Personally, I wonder why she told you she would see her Ex on the trip? Maybe she wanted to see your reaction and test whether you would go ballistic and "abusive" as you said. If that is the case, you may have failed the test which was to get your trust and understanding.

You could have said I feel really uncomfortable about this agenda. Tell me the truth, do you still care for him or what? I would have kept mouth shut and just go see the Ex as you are NOT married and this is her business and not your business. Sometimes a person wants to put the finish on a relationship and maybe they had one more argument to complete. I think it also was a test for you. I bet you did all the wrong things.

Get a grip and realize you don't stamp ownership on a womans' butt. If she will cheat then it is so. The more you rant and rave and act like a dork the better the EX might look to her. I say you need to "chill out" and rethink your strategy in the love department. You owe her an apology and to tell her, "Go ahead and get it out of your system if you need to talk to him. I love you and I will be here,"..that should have been how you handled it. You are too controlling...too needy and that relationship is unlikely to survive your bullying. Get it together!

[Raymond]

I sort of agree with that. She is not your spouse if she is your girlfriend.

Marriage would make things different I feel. At the moment her choice of you must be hers and not manipulated by you. In time if there is a serious commitment from you or marriage then things will be different.

Raymond