Gilli26
15th September 2007, 10:38 AM
Hi Everyone - first post but in need of advice.
I've been going out with a Muslim man I met through an internet website ffor just over a year. We're both divorced. He is essentially non-practising although he will only eat halal meat.
I'm just not sure if this relationship is the right one for me in the long term and recently several alarm bells have started ringing. He does not have residency in the UK. He has a business visa so he can only spend a maximum of 6 months at a time here and then goes back to Pakistan for 2-4 months to see his family. I am now getting the feeling that his finaces are not as great as he lead me to first beleive and from what he tells me he does not have a lot of monel coming in and has to send money back home to his Mother and for his two children. He works from home and does a couple of "cash in hand" type jobs for friends and is a;ways telling me that buisnesses take time to grow and seems to have lots of meetings which don't lead to anything. I am a teacher and own my own home.
He gets worried about being able to return from pakistan and a couple of weeks ago said he had been looking at the Visa guidelines and if he had some offical mail sent to my address and I put him on my council tax bill and electoral role at my address he would probably be able to get permanent status. I said no and asked if that was what the relationship was about. He said no and that he should not have said that. He has not mentioned it since.
The differences between our cultures/views have also become more apparent - he doesn't think I should let my 15 year old daughter have a boyfriend until after she has finished her education (at least her A levels), or spend too much time in the comapny of boys - I will add she is not yet interested in boys other than as part of a group of friends.
He also seems to find it hard to accept that I'm busy during the week and that sometimes at weekends I am very tired or that I just need a bit of time to myself.
Despite telling me over and over again how much he loves me and that I am his life partner he has said he does not want to marry me and has not told his family (including his nephew in the UK) about me.
Yesterday he turned up with a new duvet because he thought we needed one and because my house is his "home too". I said it was not!
He is a kind and caring man and seems genuine in what he says but...
Sorry this is so long but I need some advice - do we try and work this out or should i call it a day?
Gilli
I've been going out with a Muslim man I met through an internet website ffor just over a year. We're both divorced. He is essentially non-practising although he will only eat halal meat.
I'm just not sure if this relationship is the right one for me in the long term and recently several alarm bells have started ringing. He does not have residency in the UK. He has a business visa so he can only spend a maximum of 6 months at a time here and then goes back to Pakistan for 2-4 months to see his family. I am now getting the feeling that his finaces are not as great as he lead me to first beleive and from what he tells me he does not have a lot of monel coming in and has to send money back home to his Mother and for his two children. He works from home and does a couple of "cash in hand" type jobs for friends and is a;ways telling me that buisnesses take time to grow and seems to have lots of meetings which don't lead to anything. I am a teacher and own my own home.
He gets worried about being able to return from pakistan and a couple of weeks ago said he had been looking at the Visa guidelines and if he had some offical mail sent to my address and I put him on my council tax bill and electoral role at my address he would probably be able to get permanent status. I said no and asked if that was what the relationship was about. He said no and that he should not have said that. He has not mentioned it since.
The differences between our cultures/views have also become more apparent - he doesn't think I should let my 15 year old daughter have a boyfriend until after she has finished her education (at least her A levels), or spend too much time in the comapny of boys - I will add she is not yet interested in boys other than as part of a group of friends.
He also seems to find it hard to accept that I'm busy during the week and that sometimes at weekends I am very tired or that I just need a bit of time to myself.
Despite telling me over and over again how much he loves me and that I am his life partner he has said he does not want to marry me and has not told his family (including his nephew in the UK) about me.
Yesterday he turned up with a new duvet because he thought we needed one and because my house is his "home too". I said it was not!
He is a kind and caring man and seems genuine in what he says but...
Sorry this is so long but I need some advice - do we try and work this out or should i call it a day?
Gilli