Am I being selfish??

[Unregistered]

I've been married for 6 years and yes I love my husband. The problem is I have a kidney disease (alot like lupus) and I'm getting worse. I live a few hours away from family and friends. I am Soo close to my family. Where I live, I have no friends or family. My husband works alot, and I can't work anymore. I feel so lonely. I try to go to my family as much as possible, but my husband gets mad. "This is your home now, not there". I feel so much better there. I laugh, talk, and actually feel healthier. I've tried all kinds of hobbies, churches, and groups. Its not helping. Now I'm on depression and nerve medication. I just want to be home, and no amount of medication will help. Don't get me wrong, I have a good husband ie works hard, loves me, and tries to help. He won't even consider moving closer, but I understand that cause good jobs are sometimes hard to find. I feel so guilty. I guess my question is, if I'm going to be in a wheelchair or worse in 1-2 years, do I want those yrs to be happy or staring at a place I hate? I know I will miss him very much, but I really need to move home for myself. Am I being selfish??? I see a psyciatrist, she says I need to find what makes me happy. This is the only way I can see to make myself happy. Thanks for listening.

[Kate]

Does it really have to be a choice between your husband and moving home? Is there really no way you and your husband can face these issues together? Yes you might find happiness in the short term by moving back to the family home area, but you would lose your husband.

You seem to believe that security and happiness are where your family and friends are, yet it should be possible to find that security and happiness through your marriage and in a new place. When I got married I made a commitment to put my husband and our marriage first in my life even before family and friends from my pre-married life. In the marriage service we had, it talked about leaving and cleaving, creating a new family together with my man. It's not been easy, but that's what I believe marriage is all about.

You do have some huge health problems to face and come to terms with, but surely your husband is the person you should be working this through with. I would really encourage you to look for ways or even outside help for you both to explore your hopes and fears for the future and how you can face that future together supporting each other through it.

With best wishes

Kate