nursey41
9th September 2007, 04:41 AM
Hi
I am new to the site so will try to quickly tell you my story:
I am 41 and my hubby is 52 and we are seperated, although we are still living under the same roof, but he is due to move out in just over a week. I have started divorce proceedings because his behaviour has been so unreasonable. I will try to briefly outline it.
We discovered he had a neurological condition about a year ago and we were both devastated, but with treatment, the physical symptoms have been improving and I have stood by him giving him loads of support to do an OU course and not give up, and support him with feeling bad about not being able to work.
His moods became worse because of the medication and he started to withdraw more and more into a world of internet gaming and chatting on various sites. At first I thought this would be fine, because I thought it might be a distraction for him, but slowly it became obvious that this was now his world and he had absolutely no time for me or our four children. He was literally staying on line from morning until very late the next morning, whilst I struggled to raise our four children, run a house and study for an adult nursing degree. I eventually decided that things needed to change and I said he must start to act like a father and husband if he wanted our relationship to continue. He told me he was not prepared to put himself second and I knew that our relationship would finally end, after being married for nearly 18 years.
Things gradually got worse and he even became quite aggressive towards me and sometimes the children. I also had to listen to him chatting quite intimately with other women online. The other day he came clean to me that he had fallen in love with another women on line and had an internet affair if you can call it that, from May until August. He said he told her it should stop because he knew it was upsetting me and that they could start up again after he moved out, but she got nasty and he also found out she had been lying about her age and what she looked like, because she had sent him pics of a model she had photographed and she was in fact 61. This did not make me feel any better, cos for months I had suspected he had found someone else and he had tried to make out that I was imagining it. Also he told me he had never loved me like he should - like I deserved, because I am not really his type but there was an instant attraction for this women and it so hurts to know he has only loved me like a friend rather than a deep love you should have for your partner. He was also married briefly before and I know he has always loved her more and that too hurts deeply. I have also had to witness him chatting to another women the other day on line, telling her she was very spiritual and a wonderful person and he had sent her some poetry that he would only send to her etc and I found it just so hurtful that he has been sharing quite intimate moments and thoughts with several women online, plus the hurtful things he has said about us and our relationship. I even found an unopened card in his drawer that says just to say I love you and I want to spend my life with you always and every waking moment I think of you etc. I confronted him about this and he eventually said he bought it to send to her, before they finished their relationship.
This has left me feeling devastated and lacking confidence plus my self esteem has taken a total nosedive. I actually contemplated suicide one day and wrote a good bye note and when he found it, he called the police who came looking for me and found me in my car just in time. I know that was such a terrible thing to do, but I am really struggling living with myself right now, cos he has made me feel like I am unloveable.
Sorry people - I have truly rabbitted on and apologise.
I am hoping things will become easier when he moves out.
nursey41
I am new to the site so will try to quickly tell you my story:
I am 41 and my hubby is 52 and we are seperated, although we are still living under the same roof, but he is due to move out in just over a week. I have started divorce proceedings because his behaviour has been so unreasonable. I will try to briefly outline it.
We discovered he had a neurological condition about a year ago and we were both devastated, but with treatment, the physical symptoms have been improving and I have stood by him giving him loads of support to do an OU course and not give up, and support him with feeling bad about not being able to work.
His moods became worse because of the medication and he started to withdraw more and more into a world of internet gaming and chatting on various sites. At first I thought this would be fine, because I thought it might be a distraction for him, but slowly it became obvious that this was now his world and he had absolutely no time for me or our four children. He was literally staying on line from morning until very late the next morning, whilst I struggled to raise our four children, run a house and study for an adult nursing degree. I eventually decided that things needed to change and I said he must start to act like a father and husband if he wanted our relationship to continue. He told me he was not prepared to put himself second and I knew that our relationship would finally end, after being married for nearly 18 years.
Things gradually got worse and he even became quite aggressive towards me and sometimes the children. I also had to listen to him chatting quite intimately with other women online. The other day he came clean to me that he had fallen in love with another women on line and had an internet affair if you can call it that, from May until August. He said he told her it should stop because he knew it was upsetting me and that they could start up again after he moved out, but she got nasty and he also found out she had been lying about her age and what she looked like, because she had sent him pics of a model she had photographed and she was in fact 61. This did not make me feel any better, cos for months I had suspected he had found someone else and he had tried to make out that I was imagining it. Also he told me he had never loved me like he should - like I deserved, because I am not really his type but there was an instant attraction for this women and it so hurts to know he has only loved me like a friend rather than a deep love you should have for your partner. He was also married briefly before and I know he has always loved her more and that too hurts deeply. I have also had to witness him chatting to another women the other day on line, telling her she was very spiritual and a wonderful person and he had sent her some poetry that he would only send to her etc and I found it just so hurtful that he has been sharing quite intimate moments and thoughts with several women online, plus the hurtful things he has said about us and our relationship. I even found an unopened card in his drawer that says just to say I love you and I want to spend my life with you always and every waking moment I think of you etc. I confronted him about this and he eventually said he bought it to send to her, before they finished their relationship.
This has left me feeling devastated and lacking confidence plus my self esteem has taken a total nosedive. I actually contemplated suicide one day and wrote a good bye note and when he found it, he called the police who came looking for me and found me in my car just in time. I know that was such a terrible thing to do, but I am really struggling living with myself right now, cos he has made me feel like I am unloveable.
Sorry people - I have truly rabbitted on and apologise.
I am hoping things will become easier when he moves out.
nursey41